Thursday, 11 December 2014

Bring Back The Prep in Prepared

Ok, so enough of the depressing blog posts, I'm back, and I'm not going to do that ever again. My body just can't take it. So with the Christmas season coming up, I'm going to be a busy bee. During this holiday, my family and I are going to travel to Belgium for the Christmas Market (from the 29th December), and pretty much the New Year.

Speaking of the New Year, I've made a new resolution. Not only am I going to be getting back on the fitness wagon, but I will also be working towards my goal - becoming a writer. While I've go the film and TV show reviews down (which I will be getting back to), I will also be writing about my travels. That's write (get it?) I'll be writing about all the things I've done on holiday, and I will be starting with this Belgium trip. So look forward to a page dedicated to these posts...or maybe a new I haven't already made loads. XP

So yes, this upcoming year, I'll be working very hard to get myself off the ground and not mope about how agitated I'll get with people who don't work. Oh and for those of you who are reading this blog, and are going to the same university with me, don't worry, I won't be writing anything so hurtful again. If anything, I'll slam out my frustrations on League of Legends and other stress busting games.

Now that last sentence segues nicely into my next topic. LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!!!!! Oh I can't tell you how good and free it feels to be Level 30, which is the highest level you can achieve in LoL (other than the actual leagues). I could easily do ranked games...but I don't have enough champions and I've only been focused on one champion...and I need to work on the it's going to be a while before I start ranked.

However, I've been watching different plays and the different tournaments, and I'm happy to say, I've nicely started becoming obsessed with the look out everyone! I'll be ranting and raving about the different tournaments and geeky is that?

Anyway, it's going to be a while before I post up anything new so for all of you out there:

Merry Christmas!


Happy New Year!

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

All Work And No Play looks like self-deprecation is the thing that pulls people in...since I've noticed my post I Am A Horrible Person seems to be getting the most views...and from America no less...yes I stalk my own blog, so be it!

The truth is, I have a lot of free time to do whatever, because of:

  1. Procrastination
  2. Lack of friends
  3. Lack of anything I find interesting
Ok so the last one can be attributed to my own personal tastes, but what can I say? I don't have a piano in my home to keep me occupied. Yes I'm a closet pianist, and no I don't take requests because I don't know very many pieces.

It's as I said before, I'm living a half-life, because there's really nothing interesting anymore, and anything interesting usually involves alcohol or some sort of wild shindig that I don't really fancy. I mean come on! Is there nothing left for an introvert, like me, to do, without going out and partying as a drunk?

The truth is, I just sleep, once I get enough alcohol in me, I don't dance, I don't speak, I just sit there, like I'm stoned. It's no fun at all!

Oh and the title? Yeah, that was just something I thought fit, because I'm writing this on a day where I'm supposed to be at work, but because of travel disruptions (as always, when you're in London) I can't go, so I'm stuck at home, trying to piece together my assignment and waiting for a response from my employer about what I was supposed to do today.

So now I'm sitting here, contemplating whether or not I should have a game on League of Legends first, or work on my assignment...and as I got up to get my robe, because it is too damn cold even with the heating on, I decide, I'll do a little more of my assignment, and then I'll play a game...

You see! That's how sad my life is. I know you'll all probably say, "Get up and go somewhere, a park, a club, shopping, something, instead of sitting here and moping about and complaining!" but my response to you is..."WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING TO GO!!! I live in the middle of nowhere! Yes I may be in the city, but it is a far cry from city life! I live right next to Heathrow, which is where all the action is! Not to mention all that action is beyond security, I can't get past without a boarding card and passport! How the hell am I supposed to have fun there! Also, if I want to get anywhere, I'm going to have to commute! So what is the point!"

Yes that would be my argument, because I pretty much live in the countryside. While it may not be farm-land or the rural areas, it's a suburb where there are no clubs, no night life, and for someone like me, in a society where drinking is an everyday thing, or being loud is a social thing, I don't fit in at all!

Ok, I know this is slowly becoming a rant, but there's very little I can do about that because my 'dark side' has been unleashed and it's attacking me, and that's exactly what this post is doing for me. I don't know how, but it is.

Oh and as a side note...if any of you, who know me, and came from my primary school...GREAT JOB! As I said in a tweet a few weeks ago, you've successfully made a train-wreck of me, all the bad memories and self-loathing from all those years ago, have come to surface, and won't go away...So give yourselves a pat on the back, because yes you've succeeded in making a mess of me, because all the times I'll be crying over pretty much any little thing, I'll be thinking of you, and how you teased me. All the times I'll be angry at myself, I'll be remembering all the secrets you told each other about me. All the times I'll be ashamed of myself and wish I were dead, I'll be reminiscing on the times you backstabbed me because I was that gullible. Yes, gullible.

So the next time you see me and I'm putting on that mask of a smile, know that there is a broken person underneath and it was all because of you. Well done, you should all be given prizes and awards, but unfortunately I don't have any, so you're going to have to make them or buy them yourselves.

It's funny how life can screw you over like that. After seven years together (we were aged 3 - 11 at the time) you'd think they would know to stop harassing me and understand that I'm a sensitive person, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too. Also, it's thanks to them that any source of interest, for me is in books and fantasy novels and, yes, fan-fictions too. That's why I have quite a wide ranged vocabulary. Now I can write all the things that they did to me, but without implicating them.

Oh now that I think about it, it's funny I really should blame them, name and shame them, but because of who I am, and what my beliefs are I won't, because I'd be sinking to their level. The only reprieve I will probably have is that they would feel ashamed of making this mess, of making a monster out of me and they can never fix it because they won't ever see me again. They probably don't even know I have this blog and don't even know that this post is about them. Sure they may stumble across it one day, when they remember me, but I don't think they will. There is probably one in a billion chances that they would find it.

So for now, I will enjoy what freedom I have here on the internet, because they're probably never going to find this. They're probably too busy to even care, and I am so glad for that. I can say "SCREW YOU!" as much as I want and there is nothing they can do about it!

Friday, 21 November 2014

I Don't Know What To Do

Well, my hiatus is over, and so I should be able to go back to my review blog and my story (because obviously I've already started playing League of Legends), but for some reason, I can't bring myself to do anything. Granted I've been logging onto my account for League of Legends, but that's about all I do. I don't play a single game unless a friend plays with me now...and as for my review blog, Doctor Who won't be coming back until Christmas, and well, I have one more assignment to hand in next week, before I can actually say I can return to my story, but truth be told, I'm dreading having to go back to it.

I'm not sad it's ending, in fact I'm happy that I can finish a story that is actually mine, but what I'm dreading is the happiness at the end. Of course every romance story has to have a happy ending, whether the boy gets the girl, or they have a sense of self-actualisation there is always a happy ending, and when I think that, I look back at my own life, and I find myself...not in the mood for happy endings.

I know I could always have a sad ending, but this story is mainly aimed for women, and you know how we like a good ending (never a cliffhanger - we always want the ending - God knows why, but we do). So I have to give it an ending, and most preferably a happy one, but every time I think about it, I just feel so depleted. Every time my mind goes to my story, shy away, because I haven't had my happy ending, and I don't think I ever will...

Lately I've been re-reading Labyrinth fan-fictions, and that feeling I get after a story is done, the king gets his queen, and everyone lives happily after, just makes me yearn for that happy ending. I long for that king to rescue me. I long for my own Goblin King, and yes, I know people will say philosophical things, but I don't care. You may think I'm longing for that "bad boy" type, but the truth is, the fact that in these fan-fictions, he still goes after her and she loves him back, is the one thing that I want; the one thing that I feel like I deserve.

I'm not saying I do, and I know it's impossible, but the fact that someone could love you, with all your flaws, is the one thing I truly desire. Many of you will probably say "if you want it go out and get it, love won't find you sitting at home and pining away," but that's just it! I have gone out, I have tried.

I've tried to flirt, I've tried to play the coy and shy one, but nothing works! I'm not extroverted, I'm not happy standing there with stranger and "chatting them up" it just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, and the instant I step out I wish I was home, curled up with my iPad or a good book.

It makes me despair that I am so introverted that I can't even see the light of hope anymore, and as I type this, the most quintessential quote I can think of, from the same movie that has inspired my longing for love, is, "It's not fair!" Yes, you've guessed it, Labyrinth. So long, I've looked at life, knowing it's not fair, but for once, I will say it. It's not fair.

It's not fair that I am sitting here, writing all this out. It's not fair that I have this demon. It's not fair that I keep painting myself as the victim, when really it's just me being dramatic. It's not fair that I always seem to cry about this time and again. It's not fair that everywhere I go I seem to be mocked by couples, by strangers who can speak out to people and by friends who seem to have friendships that could span the ages. It's not fair!

Right now I'm listening to Shatter Me (yes, I know it's year...since I've last mentioned this song but screw it! I love it, and it speaks to me) and it makes me want to shatter that glass that surrounds me! If you've seen the music video, you can understand what I'm talking about. I want that someone to make me feel alive, I want to stop living in this half state, where I think I'm living, when really I'm just lost, and lonely and not even living.

I know many of you may feel the same way. I know there are people out there, who feel just like me. So I ask you, WHERE ARE YOU! If you do feel the same way I do, why can't I feel you're presence. You +1 my posts, but I never really know if you're simply +1-ing it because it's a new post, or if you actually agree with it. No one even comments, so I keep thinking that no one really reads this post. It's frustrating and every now and then I am so tempted to delete this blog, because what's the point! What's the point of having this blog, when I don't even know if anyone does read it.

You all probably think I'm pathetic, or insane. Perhaps I am, but that doesn't make anything better. As I said before, I am a rose, surrounded by thorns, because I can't break out. The darkness surround me and I feel like I'm going to suffocate because I don't even have the courage to find the light. I'm slowly dying from the poison that tips every thorn and I have no idea how to cure myself of it! I truly, sincerely, and deeply ask for help!

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

I Am Not Fine

So recently I discovered I am not fine (as the title says). Apparently I have a dark side that's holding me back from whatever I should really be doing, that is according to my lecturer. I actually listen to him, because he's actually very observant with these things, because, as a screenwriter he knows a bit about psychology, and my psychology is somewhat messed up, in his opinion.

Well, that explains the unexpected depression...actually, it's not unexpected, it's been going on since...well, since this course started...I'm not entirely sure why, but since September, my mood's gone from ok to "I can't be bothered anymore" and I don't mean that for just university or work...I mean it with everything. For example, I've recently returned to my most favourite game League of Legends (which in my opinion is one of the greatest games I've ever played!) and it's been two months...but in the last few weeks I can't be bothered to play...I log on and I just don't want to play a game, bot or PVP. It's not that I'm tired of the game, far from it. I'm actually just not in the mood to do anything...not even watch YouTube videos...I mean, I watch the new vlogs from the channels I'm subscribed to, but that's pretty much it. Then I go off and read fan-fiction, but not just any fan-fiction. I read the fan-fictions that I've learned to love over the last 3 years, namely Of Dreams and Broken Things; What's Past is Prologue; The End of Days and Dreams, Wishes and Plain Brown Wrapper. All of these fan-fictions, as you can guess are all based on Labyrinth.

As I read these fan-fictions, I find myself wanting to be Sarah, more and more, and I find myself thinking a bit like these versions of her, especially when it comes to feeling like I don't belong in this world, and I really should be somewhere else, like another world or another time or universe...I guess, I'll not be alone in that department...but nevertheless, I do feel quite alone, in the place I'm in, because as we all know INFJ's are very hard to come by, in the real world...

Anyway, that's what I've discovered is the root of my problem - the fact I had a dark side and didn't know it...but what caused this dark side you ask? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNOW! I've been trying to ask myself that very question ever since I knew I was (mildly) depressed. I put it down to my childhood bullies, and whatnots, but to be honest, I don't really think it's them...I mean they're a major factor, don't get me wrong, but they're not the only things that have caused this and I may just be over-thinking this, but I do think there is more to my dark side than past bullies.

So yes, it's a rant, but it's probably good for me, because I get it off my chest, and maybe I can breathe better, but who knows...

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

I Am A Horrible Person...

And I should just live in a hole somewhere, so no one can get hurt by me.

A few days ago I wrote a blog post that basically ranted on about university. While, yes it was uncalled for, and childish in some people's eyes. It was my way of just venting out all the rage I was feeling. Throughout the past couple of weeks, as you've probably noticed, I've been feeling rather distressed and unusually angry, sad and depressed. This was because a cumulation of a lot of things. Not only was it university work that had stressed me out (although it was a part of it), a lot of family issues, personal issues and self discovery issues have been the major cause of it.

Let's start from the beginning shall we? First, In the summer, I took this personality quiz, and found out that I'm an INFJ. Basically an INFJ is a complicated personality, and we are very rare. Our motto, basically is "help me help you". So that affected me, and I've basically been trying not to develop the weaknesses of this personality trait (it was a detailed profile, that unnerved me).

Next I'd been invited to so many parties, that weren't all that great, and I wondered why and how people could enjoy these things. What I'm talking about are clubs, drinking alcohol, and whatnots. It just didn't appeal to me, and I wanted to go home immediately after I had stepped foot into the club. I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep. I wanted to watch TV and think about nothing else. I wanted to write my story, read a book, anything but dance to such loud music and yelling on the top of my voice.

While I was in the night club, I just wanted to sit in a corner...or better yet, the bathroom the entire night, and wait until it was time to leave. I hated going out, and yet I was forced, because I had no choice, it was family and I couldn't let them down. 

This had been going on since the beginning of summer, and I have discovered I am not the type to go out on a Friday or Saturday night. I'd rather stay in. The most recent event was a Roller Disco, that I had to go to. Otherwise, my sister wouldn't be able to have her fun, and it was a bit of an obligation, because I had to bring her clothes to our cousin's house, so that she could be ready. In the end I simply waited for nothing. My parents decided that she should just change at our house, and then we could both go together. In my mind I could not have gone. I didn't want to go and it was expensive. Plus I didn't have any money on me and I had to ask for my parents for some.

Of course, as I had promised myself before, I simply sat with the bags, and read Fan-Fiction the entire night. I didn't feel like dancing, I didn't want to mingle, and I was getting decidedly angry, at both the people around me and at myself. Why at myself? Well, I wasn't having the same kind of fun as everyone else. While everyone was dancing about in their roller skates, I was happy reading the story. I was happy simply sitting down, and reading, and every now and then, throughout the night. I just felt bad that I wasn't having the same kind of fun that everyone was having. Granted, I didn't want my picture taken, it was a hassle, and I didn't want to speak to anyone, but I knew that I didn't want to, at the same time.

However, perhaps I could put down my "glumness" down to the fact that I broke down the day before. I had no idea why, I broke down, I simply did. What triggered the waterworks was the fact that I had no money to pay for the taxi ride, and the reservation fee. Not to mention, at the time, I was angry at some League of Legends players for flaming and blaming me for intentionally losing the game. I had to actually quit the game because I was being bullied. That was the first breakdown.

The second was pretty much right after that. It was on a Monday, and I was rather upset still about the Roller Disco, I had no idea why, but I couldn't pick myself up off the floor, because of it, and during an exercise, I burst into tears. Of course it was probably my fault because I had suggested talking about depression, and that set me off. I was really not feeling up to anything that day, and I just couldn't cope. Half an hour before the lesson ended I had to leave, because I just couldn't stay there anymore. Then throughout the week, I was pressured even more, because we basically had two weeks left before our first assignment was due.

I had to quickly pick up the pieces of my shattered self, because I had a job to do, and I couldn't tell anyone about it. As that week progressed, the work kept piling on. I know at this point I would say "thank goodness for my team", but because of certain circumstances, I know they won't appreciate it, since I basically insulted them a few days ago, but nevertheless, thank goodness for them, they readily agreed to help with the work. Of course I made all the templates they worked on, and they did manage to do the bulk of the work for assignment one, but then, only during the weekend of that week, did I realise we had to provide work for assignment 2, i.e. a pre-production portfolio (film-makers would understand what this is), and I was basically hard-pressed for time. I tried to take on most of the work, during that week so that I didn't have to rely on the team, because I knew there were bound to be complications, and other obligations. So that got me stressed in the next week.

Then Monday came around, and we had to reshoot two exercises for the assignment, and at the same time complete the paperwork. I had hoped that by Monday, most of the things I had sent to my team were completed. Obviously I know they have lives (since it's apparent that I don't), but I didn't take that into account, and in my ignorance, I blamed them for my incompetence. So the week progressed and I was getting more and more stressed at the fact that we still had a lot of things to do, and I was starting to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, pressing down on me.

The week was horrible (and this was basically last week), I was getting so stressed, that I was shaking by the time I went to bed every night. I couldn't even sleep well pretty much every night, and I kept thinking about the things we didn't do, and the things we had yet to do. I didn't want to rely on my teammates because I knew they would think it was too last minute. Of course, it was on Tuesday, that we did meet up, and work on the documents together, except for one, since he had obligations he had to keep. Although I had asked earlier (I remember it was either a Friday or a Saturday) if he could do a few of the paperwork. I knew I was taking a risk, giving out these templates, but I knew I had to, because if I didn't I'd burn out. 

So I trusted much of the paperwork to everyone else, and I had hoped that by Tuesday, it would all be done. That way, we could all concentrate on the editing of the video. However, as always there were complications, and we had to work through them during the five hours we were free. Needless to say, we had most of the work done, and all that was left was the individual work, but I thought that perhaps we could have done better if we had paid attention to the assignment throughout the semester. And I 'm not talking about anyone other than myself. I should have known we were working on the second assignment, because of the hints that our lecturer was giving. I should have realised that the pre-production work, would take a while to get right, and what did we hand in in the end? Templates.

Plain and simple, we handed in empty templates, because we didn't have enough time to work on them. Of course it was my fault for not realising it sooner, and I shouldn't have hurt my team because of it, and I guess it was my own self-loathing and self-anger, that I wrote that blog post in the end. I had high ambitions, of my team; I had thought they'd work efficiently like the cogs of a clock, but I now understand that this is university, and we still had many mistakes to make, and this assignment was one of them. Well, in my case, it is for me.

Not because I didn't want to work on this with the people I was with. No, in fact, I didn't mind working with them, but as the semester went by, I realised my mistake of thinking I could control everything, including the amount of work others do.

Anyway, at the end of the week, I was feeling decidedly angry at myself, and at my team (which was a poor move on my part, because they had really nothing to do with my own incompetence), and in the end, just before we handed in the work, I had written a blog post, which is now deleted, basically insulting them, and making them look bad. For those of you who read it, I am terribly sorry, and it won't ever happen again. I had written that blog post in a fit of rage, and I didn't know what I was doing. At the time, it made sense for me, but now looking back on it, I know I shouldn't have written it down somewhere so public, I should have probably written it in a journal, and then torn it out, so that I could help myself feel better, but because of the roar of my anger, my moral judgement was basically silent.

I know I overreacted, and I know it's not something I should have done, and I truly regret it, because now I am paying the price, and well, as you can see from this post title, I really don't feel good about myself anymore. However you all have to understand, I can't express anything verbally. When it comes to speaking to people it's hard for me, because when I do speak, I know I have to think things through before I speak, but in the end, I just ramble because I can't say things in the right structure, and it all becomes a blur and I end up getting emotional because of it. Writing, however, is the best mode of communication for me, that's why I love stories. That's why I'm writing a story at the moment, and I'm not publishing it until it is truly perfect. Writing for me is perfect, because I can think about what I have to say. Of course, that blog post was a one off, but most of these posts have been reread and proofed, including those that have been rants against my parents (because of course, every young adult living with their parents know how frustrating it is when they start to nag at you) and school.

And I know I probably will spark up another argument with this post, probably along the lines of, "even if you write this, it doesn't help, because you wrote it anyway", but understand this, I don't take to criticism very well. I've already apologised to the appropriate persons, and I know that it probably won't be enough, and I know that I have a lot to make up for, but if this one post is going to ruin your view of me, then how am I going to make up for it? How can I fully apologise to you? How can I, perhaps erase this blot, but fix it so that it's small? 

You have to remember, I'm not perfect. I am going to insult and hurt you one day, perhaps not intentionally or deliberately, but in my ignorance, I will. It's in my nature. I've been like this for all my life, and my family has even told me about it. I've tried to work on it, and I still am working on it. You just have to be patient.

Please don't hold a grudge against me, please don't think I'm doing this deliberately, because I truly am not. I am simply trying to figure myself out, and in the process, I will hurt you. I'm by no means perfect, and I do not try to be, because in the end I know I'm not, and it's just going to have to take some time for me to accept that.

Think of it as this, it's something my mum pointed out one day last year, and because she is a gardener, it would probably make sense:

I am like a rose, not the one with the smooth stem, nor the one that grows in great numbers, but the rare one, that grows amongst thorns. It is not my intention to use these thorns, but if you ever do try to pluck me from my perch, I will hurt you, because I don't want anyone to take me away from the place I feel safe. These thorns are what protect me, and I know it's a bad thing, but it's the only way I can survive. If I have these thorns, I can protect myself from the many who try to pluck me because they want to crush me for whatever reason. If I have these thorns, then no one can hurt me.

I know my thorns will hurt you, but I cannot control it. Maybe someday I can. Someday I may be able to cut those thorns, and make them grow less, but right now. I don't know how. I don't know how to cut down these demons, and I have nothing to help me do so. So as I said before, be patient, and if you do get cut by these thorns, then I truly am sorry. 

Sunday, 2 November 2014

Gaming and Work Hiatus

Yes as the title says I will be taking some time off, perhaps a month or two, because lately I have not been feeling well. As you can tell from Ereimul Reviews (I might actually change the title) I have not written a review for the newest episodes for The Big Bang Theory, Doctor Who or even Once Upon A Time. The truth is, I am going through a personal crisis right now, and I don't think I can handle work alongside this crisis.

I know you all may want to know what this crisis is, but I don't think I will tell, nor will I feel obliged to tell you all. Don't worry though, I have help at hand, so no one need worry. For now, please be patient with me. I will eventually get back up on my feet.

As for the updates, I'm currently working on chapter 23 of this story, and it will annoy you all, I understand that...and when you initially read it, I know you'll all want to throw your laptops or computers or tables at the wall, but I promise you it's not a "she woke up and it was all a dream" situation, read on and it will all make sense (trust me her adventures are not a dream). The idea was taken from Of Dreams and Broken Things (the fan fiction for Labyrinth) and for those of you who have read it, you'll understand what I mean.

Now for my gaming hiatus. Yes I will be taking time off League of Legends partly because my alert pings have not been working well, and I might have to uninstall the game in order to correct the problem, but I assure you after my hiatus is over, I will be back on the game as soon as possible. Speaking of League of Legends, did anyone see the finals? I knew Samsung White was going to win! It was so obvious, Star Horn Royal Club had no chance against them...Have you seen the stats? Anyway, I'm glad Samsung White won, in their own country, I guess it's a nation thing...but hopefully over the next few years, more "Western" teams can feature in these games, I know how great they can be, and I know how tough "Asian" teams are, one day there will be equality, I just know it!

Anyway, that's it for now, so sing a song, read a book or whatever...and as always, do with this post what you want, except copy it because it's my stuff!! ^^


Ok depression aside for the time being. I was unable to watch Doctor Who last night, but this morning I managed to finally get the chance to look at last night's episode...And I am reeling with shock and awe!

Those who do not wish for spoilers: LOOK AWAY NOW

Here's a nice image of Eleven naked for you!

(By the way, the picture is not mine!!!)

I will try to write a proper review later on...once my hiatus is over, but for now let's just spoil everything! Ok it was bad enough that the Cybermen came back, but this new surprise!!! I almost had a heart attack when I finally learned the truth! And I am going to continue screaming around the house until next week's episode! I really want to know what happened!!! HOW IT HAPPENED!!! 

Let's start with the teasers, shall we? Ok, so...A) Missy. Yes, missy she was a shady character, to say the least. B) Heaven/The Promised Land/Afterlife, whatever it was, again shady, and a little disturbing...C) The teasers for this week's episode clearly labelled the Cybermen's involvement here so that wasn't much of a shock.

When I watched the episode (Thank you BBC iPlayer) at first I couldn't quite believe it, Pink was dead (granted, he wasn't much of a player. I wasn't buying the whole Clara and Pink...and Pink seemed my opinion.) Anyway, when he does die, we are then pushed towards Clara and the Doctor's showdown, concerning the keys of the Tardis (Bad Clara! Very BAD! He trusted you, you let him down, very very not ok!!). Then we see them in some sort of mausoleum with rotting skeletons in open faced tombs...casually, there...just sitting on their chairs. Oh look, when Clara and the Doctor move by, their heads move! Of course they do (feel free to roll your eyes and facepalm).

Then in comes the mysterious Missy, and practically snogs off the Doctor's face, oh and presses his hand against her boobs! Not at all disturbing in the Doctor's point of view...Then we are introduced to lovely Dr. Chang (who I like by the way, it was very unnecessary of you to kill him off Missy!). Next Danny and Clara have a heartfelt...or not quite so, where she pretty much denies that it's him, and all he can say is "I Love You"...yeah, when you've been with the Doctor for so long, you know when he tells you "be logical" you "be logical", because more often than not, he's right.

Of course I failed to mention, that we are finally introduced to Danny, as Clara and the Doctor land in the mausoleum, and he casually freaks out...although, I'm not convinced, since the acting was a bit off from the actor, but that was a given, since, as I said before, he's Passive.

Then we finally see the Nethersphere, and ho boy! it's pretty much a city at night, inside a ball...I have to hand it to the FX team, nicely done...Where was I? Oh yes, Nethersphere! If you haven't already figured out, by the not-so-very-discreet glance given by Missy, earlier on, the Nethersphere is just a big ball in the middle of the mausoleum, that isn't even the size of a how can they live in there? Oh yes, via data banks...and that ball is supposed to what? Download thoughts, memories, emotions and whatnots from our dead brains? As if that wasn't tecchie enough.

Then comes the big BOOM!!!! 

Yes the big BOOM! 

Missy is THE MASTER!!!!!

What in all that is good, Moffat are you trying to do to us Whovians!!!!!

I bet you're just trying to kill us all off with heart attacks aren't you? HOW IN THE WORLD ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THIS!!!

I know you've got your reasons, and you have little "gems" up your sleeves, but just stop it! NO! It's bad enough you're doing loads of things like this in Sherlock (Killing him off in Season 2 was a big fat NO! I understand it was in the books, but No! Just No! Then what? Having Mary a secret spy who was being threatened, with that whole Mind Palace thing is also a no! Poor Watson he's having enough trouble as it is controlling Sherlock's wild streak, he pretty much has a heart attack when he finds out HIS WIFE! MARY! THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE! Is pretty much the same as everyone else that surrounds him!) BUT STOP WITH THE FREAKING HEART ATTACKS!!!!!!!

Anyway...rant done...I'm just going to scream into a pillow. Fellow Whovians, feel free to join me as facepalms and eye rolls will be happening all around the world.


Friday, 17 October 2014

Slowly But Surely

Hello everyone!!! It's me (not like anyone actually knows who I am)...just a small update, because I'm really bored and, although I'm in my lecture, I'm not really paying attention, since I'm at the back...

Anyway, you should all be happy to know, that I'm nearing the end of my second draft, and the next secret I will tell you is the name of my main character!!! I can't wait! So far I'm on chapter 22, and that is halfway complete, and I'm really really sorry about this chapter (actually I'm sorry about the ending of this book, it's really cruel)...I do have a dark side so that just...yeah...

So very soon, I will be working on the third draft...if my reviewers can get to me soon...and the final draft will be up by Christmas or New Year (hopefully). I actually can't wait! It's going to be so good! You know initially I had thought it would be easy to write this...but any writer knows...IT IS TOO DAMN HARD! Ideas flow in and out, and I just can't get the right train to finish this...

On another note...When I started this new story I did say I was going to use names from the old story (like Arion, Nyx and whatnots) but I realised, if I want the names to mean something in this story, it has to be related to what I want...I can't just make up the meaning, when there are already many. However, I may use some of the old names for the other stories, like for Dark (I think, especially for Dark, because I'm going to be using a certain theme for that one).

Moving on...I know I'm talking in bits right now, but I'm switching from listening to the lecture and writing's annoying! I want to sleep, play League of Legends and work on my story!!!! SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Speaking of League of Legends...WHO'S READY FOR THE FINALS!!!!! I can't wait! I don't know who I want to win...although I'm more for Samsung White...who do you root for? Anyway...I actually can't wait, and I bet there will be a Pentakill in one of these games, both teams are so AWESOM!!!!!!!!

So, yes, that's it, and do with this what you want, because I don't really care anymore (except copying, I hate copiers!).

Saturday, 11 October 2014


Hello once again, today is the day! League of Legends semifinals and Doctor Who!!! Whovians! You ready!? Summoners! You ready!? Let's get this party started! I'll start off with the Doctor Who review, since, it's going to start pretty much before the semifinals of League of Legends. So for now, let's talk about something else.

It's hella cold! Here in London, it's not that bad, but I am still cold...probably because I'm not doing much, but I'd rather be somewhere warm...oh well, this is the life I got...I gotta live with it. Anyway...Labyrinth...sequel...(Cue fangirl screams!!!!!!)

Last night I discovered the most exciting thing to ever happen in my obsessive life...The Henson Company is planning a Labyrinth SEQUEL!!!!!! I honestly can't wait for's my dream come true! It's...gah! I can't even!!! Reading all the comments on the articles that profess this new development, I'm not quite sure I want this sequel anymore...You see you have to understand that Labyrinth came out in 1986, and it is 2014...many still want David Bowie' know...but looking at him now, I don't think he'll be right for the part...I hope they make the sequel classy, not something that pretty much does what every sequel does...SUCK! It's got to be good, my suggestion is, to have a completely different story, but let Sarah (i.e. Jennifer Connelly) and Jareth (David Bowie) cameo. If they're going to include the original cast, it's not going to be very good, Bowie isn't as he was before, and he was at his peak back then, Jenny (yes I'll call her what I want) is...well, no longer a teenager, so how are you going to use them for the cast. I'd prefer if it was a remake, but of course, people will be critiquing it a lot harsher than it really should be, so I won't say any more.


So, now, let's talk about something different...No not going to happen, Labyrinth all the way!!! I hope they use one of the fan fictions on, there are so many good ones. I'm not joking, I may actually use one to create a film...not using their character names, but the stories themselves. These are really good stories. Like I said, I'm basing my story The Great Seven: Earth on these fan fictions, you all know! I am going to be uploading it soon...I'm on chapter 21 by the way, and almost on my way to finishing it. But yes, I hope they get inspiration there, because the theory on Tumblr is really lacking, I mean, come one, goblins that are the younger siblings, that weren't fetched by "Sarah" before time ran out...that's not really a very good theory. The ones about Jareth being (like the Doctor) the last of his kind, and trying to hold onto the very fabric of existence is probably cooler than the recurring adventures in the Labyrinth.

If I were to do a sequel, it would be based on either Of Dreams and Broken Things, What's Past is Prologue, or The End of Days. I'll post up the links later, but I would use either one of these as the basis, not that stupid theory on Tumblr (Sorry, I know it's not that stupid, but the background behind these ones are so much cooler. I mean, the fairy world on the brink of oblivion and destruction is so much better than a lonely magician who's gone insane and thinks every dark haired girl, called Sarah, is his Sarah.

I hope they think to use more of the underground, or the fairy world, like include other mythical beings like (and I know it's cliche, but hey, if it can fit) unicorns, pegasus, dragons, giants, etc. It would make the adventure even more epic, and more real for us, since CGI is a big thing nowadays

Anyway, that's my rant for now, and I leave you with another Labyrinth based picture, I found on DeviantART (oh and the link to the artist is actually on the picture so click it if you want to see more like it - NOT PROMOTING!):

Friday, 10 October 2014

Tea, Creativity, and Bad WiFi Connections

Once more I am in a cafe, writing a blog post, drinking Chai Tea Latte and writing my story. I'm still on Chapter 20, for those of you keeping up, I am almost done with it and will soon be moving onto Chapter 21...FINALLY! It's been a long time in the making, because I just can't be bothered in the evening. You know? I just want to rest, play League of Legends and wind down for sleep. I've just been so tired lately.

Oh speaking of Leagues...WHO'S READY FOR THE WORLD SEMIFINALS! I AM!!! Although...I may have to watch the rebroadcast, because I'll probably be watching Doctor Who at the same time...Yes, I'll be watching the new episode with Peter Capaldi, Mummy on the Orient Express.

Are all you Whovian's ready for that? I know I am. I literally can't wait, it's combining my two favourite franchises (well I say franchise), The Mummy (1999), and Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot.  It's the best! As I've said to my friends, it's going to be AWESOME! I can't believe they're incorporating Agatha Christie again!'s not her directly, but her most famous detective. Seriously, Poirot's most infamous case The Murder On The Orient Express I can't wait!!!!

Sorry...fangirling there...Where was I? Oh yes, I'm in Starbucks, writing this post...taking a break from the novel...Yeah, yeah, I know! Get back to work on it! Well, I've worked on it for an hour straight...although I could do more, but I have a seminar in 56 minutes (YES I HAVE TO BE EXACT!)...well, 56 minutes from the time I've written this part down. So I can't completely absorb myself.

Anyway...All alone here in this lonely cafe, because I'd rather go down the writer's road. I remember my Screenwriting tutor saying it's a lonely career, but that's the best thing for me. I'm left with my imagination, and I don't care, it's the most beautiful place I've ever been to, and I'd rather not let anyone else in. It's my place, and I'm happy there. Although...I do get lonely sometimes, but that's what my characters are there for, it's so blissful here.

Oh and for the "Bad WiFi Connections" part of the title is because the WiFi here is so bad, it'll probably take the entire year for this post to come up. That's pretty much it.

One more thing, don't miss this week's newest post on my reviews blog: Doctor Who: The Mummy on the Orient Express. It's going to be a blast!

As always do with this post what you will (except copy it), and I'll speak to you all soon. God bless. ^^

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Cafe Musings and Wasted Batteries

I really need to remember to bring my laptop charger when I bring my laptop into uni. I'm currently running on 33% of battery. Seriously it's ridiculous that I keep forgetting. Anyway, I'm still working on chapter 20, but it's slowly getting there - that is chapter 20 of my story. So, this is the five hour wait, and I'm sitting here in Starbucks, writing random things. Since I need a little break from my story, I decided to fulfil my promise to write a review on one of my favourite TV shows, The Big Bang Theory, it's up and if you want the link it's right here:

The Big Bang Theory: The Hook-Up Reverberation

I know the blog is looking a little rushed, but that's because I still have a lot of things to do, both for university and my personal projects, so please be patient, I will get round to fixing all these things.

So, now I'm here, writing this blog post, with headphones in, because the noise in this cafe,'s not that bad, but sitting right next two me are two girls, who I think are from the university, and they are talking non-stop. With that in mind, I'm currently listening to Lindsey Stirling's Roundtable Rival. To be honest this song kind of reminds me of her other one, Master of Tides. They're both so cool, and you can just imagine dancing to them. Anyway, what am I going to do for the next 3 hours? I could go back to writing the story, and I will, but again, I will need breaks...I can't easily play League of Legends, the connection here isn't really that good, and I didn't bring my mouse (I've recently discovered how easy it is to play with a mouse, rather than the tap pad that comes with the laptop). I think the best distraction will probably be my iPad (if I can be bothered to reconnect to the wifi) or the most basic of basics, Facebook. 

Do you know how much time I waste on that thing. Honestly, there really is nothing special to it anymore, nor are there any good articles or posts or memes, it's all just repeats now...I guess the only good thing about it is I see great structures and architectures, from a page I've liked, but even so, those places make me jealous, and I really just want to travel to those places to say I've been there!

It's kind of annoying that I've now developed an impatience because everything has now become so fast and quick. Which reminds me, I pitched my documentary idea yesterday, and as predicted I forgot what I wanted to say, but what I've just written reminds me of what I wanted to do for my documentary.

Instead of actually making a documentary. I think I'll put the question to you: can you survive post-technology? So can you live without your telephone, mobile/cell phone, tablet (whichever: iPad or other tablet), the computer, your laptop, your TV and anything electronic (except the basics, lights, water, etc.) Anything to do with communication and Internet access, is basically off limits. I'll try it...for one week...perhaps after university. I'll document it, I know using a camera counts as using technology, but if it's just the camera, it should be fine...if someone else operates it for me.

Well, we'll see if I go through with it. I'll let you all know if someone will agree to do it with me. I'm sure there are many tribes in the remotest parts of the world that do survive without the internet and whatnots, but they are exposed to it one way or the other, I'm sure.

Anyway, wow...this was a long post. I shall leave you to continue browsing through Facebook or whatnots. As always, do with this post what you will...EXCEPT COPY! I HATE COPIERS! Bye! ^^

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Delayed Timings

Hello lovely people...I don't know why...Anyway, there will be a rely in uploading the story. Don't worry I haven't given up on it, it's just taking a while to finish, since university has already started. I'm still editing the second draft. I may be able to finish it before December, and then I will be able to work on the third and final draft. For now, please be patient.

Ok so here's a little something about the inspiration of this book: I've used music, films and other stories as a basis for it. As before I will be posting on a different page, what the inspirations are, and I will be making a link to the blog for the story, once it's up and running.

In terms of the characters I've used many images from DeviantArt and other fantasy based wallpapers, pictures and animations. I will be writing another book (the next book in the series) after I've finished with this story. The next element will be Water, and well...I've already found the plot for it.

So, that's it for now, please, do with this post what you will, except copy it. Thank you! ^^

Friday, 3 October 2014

There Is A Difference Between Introverts And Extroverts

Ok, today I have gone from really happy to really angry. First the happy part: I know it's crazy, but I was actually quite happy talking to a friend in Starbucks today, just chatting about nothing and sipping coffee that was the ideal. He knew exactly what I felt when I said I'd prefer not to go out. Truthfully I hate going out, even though I do, and I often try to enjoy it, I hate it. The only time I like going out is if I'm shopping (either by myself or with one other person), watching a movie (usually with the cousins or with a friend) or out to a dinner (like a Chinese buffet or meal with the family). I hate going clubbing, or any big party gathering, it annoys me!

Anyway, as we were speaking I was getting excited, calm: I was all over the place, but I knew I was happy, sitting there just talking, that is my ideal of going out. So that was my high. The low was when I was in my seminar. Although it may seem petty, I hate being the one that goes up and writes on the board, I hate being the one that talks to the teacher, and says what we all think! AND YET MY CLASSMATES DON'T GET THAT!!!!! I HATE IT! I keep telling them that I'm not an extrovert, that I am actually quite shy, and the only reason I speak out in class is because I can, it's a topic that I can speak about, because it is the theme of the class, but when it comes to group discussions like in friendship groups, I'M THE QUIET ONE!!!!! I hate it when they assume I'm extrovert.

I may not sound it here on my blog, but I'm writing this post, and those of you who read them don't know me, you don't know who I am, you don't know where I live and I'm thankful, because you're all bunches of strangers, who I will never meet. You won't go looking for me, you won't ever know who I am, and that doesn't scare me. What scares me is talking directly to people! I'm scared they'd judge me, in fact I don't at all like talking to people, because I get so animated and loud, I don't control what I say, and it all just comes out in a blur for me.

Now...I've calmed down, and I've thought about what I've said. In the seminar I got really tired of being the one that goes up and writes on the board, I kept telling them I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway, because NO ONE OFFERED TO DO IT FOR ME!!!!! I even told them I was an introvert. I told them what I was like and they still didn't get it! Now I've done this personality test loads of times and the truth is I'm an INFP. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's an introvert, and the description of this personality can be found on this link:
Of course, I've discovered I'm more INFP, than the first answer I got, when I took the test the first time. Now, although I've taken the test more than once, and I've come out more as an INFP, I always believe the first time is the deciding one, because I was more aware of who I was, when I took this test today. The first result I got was an INFJ, it is the most rarest personality out there, and I have to say, I am more INFJ than INFP, although there are elements of INFP in me, I'm still pretty sure I'm INFJ. To know what an INFJ personality is, the description can be found here:

So now you know who I am. I may seem extrovert to you, but if you do ever come across me, know that I don't ignore you because I don't like you, I just can't talk to you. You'll have to be the one to initiate any sort of conversation with me, and keep it up, because I will have no idea what to say, and if I do start rambling, it's because I don't want the conversation to end, it will always be awkward for me. I can't stay silent knowing you're right next to me and I can easily talk to you than go on my phone.

If you want to take this personality test it's free and the link is below:

So as always, do with this post what you will, and I'll see you next time. God bless. ^^

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Restful Revision and Work

Well hello everyone. I've actually survived work! Yesterday was my first day. As promised I went at the usual 9:30 AM, and finished around 5:00 PM. When I started I didn't know what to expect, but having experienced it, I think I'll be at this company for a while. It's rather interesting and I am quite intrigued by the work we do. I can't say much yet, because I'm still starting out, but I am working on promoting awareness for Dyslexia.

I don't quite know much about it yet, but hopefully, over the next few weeks I'll be able to learn a lot more. The work I was tasked with, was editing things such as webpages, newsletters, icons and a little bit of video editing, although what I do is mainly organise the media into their respective folders, but it's a good start!

For the most part I was quite bored, because there wasn't much to do, just admin stuff, but hopefully soon we'll get more things going. So that's all I have to on that. Right now, I'm going to be working on my university assignments. assignment is more of a group thing and I need to film for it. The other one...I need to approve with my lecturer the topic of my essay and the last...I need approval for the subject of the mainly what I'm doing today is background reading and such.

I've already started. Just now I have finished watching the documentary Nanook Of The North. It is such a cute documentary I have to say. Watching an entire family try to live out the cold in the Arctic is such a brave thing, and I was so moved by it. Don't worry, I'll write a proper review later, but if you haven't seen it, and you are into documentary, it is one for you. It is one of the oldest documentaries in the history of film, and I do suggest it, because it is a really good example of how documentaries began.

Anyway that's all I'll be saying for now, and I hope you take my advice. God bless. ^^

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Boredom And Too Much Time To Spare

So update on the story? I'm on chapter 18, but I'm still halfway through the story (or maybe two thirds of the way through...not sure yet). The fact that I'm writing this at 2 in the afternoon isn't because I'm at home working on my novel, far from it. I'm still at university, waiting for my seminar or workshop to begin in an hour. Throughout the first 2 hours of this 5 hour break I managed to finish chapter 17, after which I played on my iPad for a bit (since I am a game addict) and then for an hour after that I went to the music rooms to practice what little of the piano I know.

Obviously I've now given that up (since all the people practicing with me are advanced pianists or musicians that I feel very out of place there), and have taken to my laptop. I haven't a clue what to write for chapter 18, but hopefully as this hour progresses I will.

So what have I learned over the last week and two days? Well, I started my second year positively, I've found a job (that doesn't pay yet) and I've made a lot of progress in my novel. Overall, it has been great. Now...routine starts to kick in and I almost regret applying for my new job, but I know it will be worth it in the end. So what do I do? I am a researcher, and production assistant for a video and audio production company, and I am quite nervous, because I start tomorrow. Hopefully the homework I completed for it was sufficient enough. Who know's...

Now, I think I'll try to get some more of the novel done, because I know it's not going to write itself (well physically, the idea and the story is there, but not the words).

So signing off now, I'll see you all later. ^^

Sunday, 28 September 2014

New Blog Coming Soon!

Just another update for all of you lovely people. Yes a new blog will be up soon, and the reviews I've made here on this blog will be moved to that one. So look out for the link on my Pages section (in the box on the right here -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------->)

This new blog has yet to have a title, but I'll be working on it soon. It will be filled with reviews for movies and TV programmes such as the new Once Upon A Time series, the new Doctor Who series and possibly the new Big Bang Theory series.

Sorry it's so short, but things are building up as my university timetable has started and I have so much to do, but don't worry, because the blog will be up by Christmas. Thank you and have a good day. ^^

Friday, 26 September 2014

Boring Lectures and Attention Deficit

Well hello bloggers! It's me again. What you should know...I'm writing this during my lecture. You see, my lecturer is rambling on about the module study guide, which he has done for the last hour, and attention has been on and off, because...well...he's done something like this in the last year. We know the drill...ENOUGH!

At least right now we're having a break, so I can write this...although it is a 6 minute break, so I highly doubt it's going to be a very long post. Ok, what have I been doing all week? Basically getting back into the flow of things. On Monday, I had my first practical lesson...which was actually quite fun. On Tuesday I learned a little bit more about script writing, and actually had fun; it was basically psychology - I LOVED IT! Wednesday was pretty much a break, and I went shopping for jeans and shoes, which my parents paid for (THANK YOU!). Thursday, I had a job interview, and I think I got it, I mean they are going to show me how to do show notes for their last episode (not quite sure what a show note is, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.) Today, I have my theory lessons, and I'll be at uni for the next four hours. Also I'll be finding out what this hush hush project is (something a friend had asked me to help out with).

Ok what's going on? Well, I'm still at break and some of my classmates are watching videos that I don't think I'll actually enjoy (since they're ridiculous shorts, stuff things from Vine I think). As for the story, I'm on Chapter 14 and I'm at the point where there is going to be major changes for my main character. Soon I'll be able to re-edit it and actually refine it more. I think after the third draft, it will come up on a new blog. So please wait for it. Thanks. ^^

Well, this is me, signing out. See ya! ^^

Monday, 22 September 2014

Back In The Film Industry

Hello everyone, today, Monday 22nd September, is the day I officially start my second year at university. Yes I'm back in uni, so the story updates and editing will take a little longer due to projects and exercises that I'll have to do, since this year counts towards my final grade...So...wish me luck!

Anyway, so far I'm nearly halfway through editing the second draft of this story, and as a consequence new chapters have been added, because the first draft wasn't quite up to scratch, but I have refined it, and it's probably going to be longer than I initially thought it would be. So far, I have around 250 pages (A5)...not sure if that is an average book size but it's getting there...I think.

As for university and work...well...(*smirk*) In uni we are going to be working on documentaries, something I haven't had the joy of experiencing. Hopefully this year, it won't be horrific, and I hope my group (whoever I work with) and I will be able to come up with something a whole lot better than last year. Well that's one module, the other two, for this semester are Screenwriting and Recording Reality, I'm not quite sure what these modules involve, but when I do find out, I'll let you know, although, one of them seems to be pretty straightforward...the other, I'm guessing is a theory based one, since it's the same lecturer I had for the theory last year.

Work-wise, I'm actually pretty excited. You see, just before I took to blogger, I had received a phone call from an employer I'd contacted earlier this year (calendar not academic), and he has invited to speak to me personally about an internship role that I was applying for! I think I might get the job (it's unpaid, but hopefully if things go well I might end up getting paid); it's too early to tell, but if I do, I will have the experience I will probably need to one up others in my course! I really want this job, I would love being production assistant, you know researching, planning, and all that. I do like that stuff, since it's pretty much my area of expertise. Anyway, I really do hope I can get this job, because my sister already has one (a part-time in a Ryman's's still a job!) and well it just much more pressure to get one, and I don't like being compared to her, so hopefully I get it! Well, wish me good luck you guys! I'm going to need it.

That's it for now, I'll probably write another post by the end of the week, and I'll let you know what happened. For now, over and out! ^^

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

The Battle Is Over!!!!

I have officially completed DRAFT ONE of this new story, and I am happy to announce the title of this story!

Over the course of the month I have torn many a hair out, ripped many a page, and had many fits of rage and self-loathing in which I almost flung my laptop to the wall. I have suffered what I believe is chronic slouching, because of the many days I've spent, bent over this stupid laptop! Luckily I have discovered the luxury of cushions, against the hard back of a dining chair, so I'm not suffering as much, but still...chronic slouch!

Ugh! It is so good to know I no longer have to sit day and night at this laptop, finishing this story. Soon it will be up and in the public on a new blog. Yes I will be making a new blog to showcase this new story. The colour scheme will make sense if you read the story. As I said before I will be posting latest chapter to first because it makes more sense to read it that way.

Ok so the name of this mysterious is...

The Great Seven: Earth

Yes that's right you see it! That is the name. I will not write up the summary, although I think you can guess it, but the reason why I'm not even going to attempt to write the summary, is because I don't think I can write one without spoiling it. I will write one though, once I finish the second draft. So wait out for that. 

For now here are the pictures that inspired my main character, I did not make them, nor did I commission them, I found it on the internet, and well it's better because I don't have to put my picture up to show what she looks like (and as always the links are on the picture:

So yes, I found them on Deviant Art. Anyway, like everything else on this blog, do what you want (except copy)! BYE!!!!!

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

The End Of An Era

I think I've named a previous post this...oh well, never mind! Let's just say it's number two...Anyway. I am almost done with this first story!!! Yes I know I've only recently said I'm on chapter 15, but now I'm almost done with 16 and I'll have you know that I may finish the story within three or four chapters! Woohoo!!!!

Now you're all probably wondering why I'm not actually finishing the story immediately and wasting my time on my blog...truth be told, I kinda don't want to finish it, and I guess that's why I keep giving up on my other stories. It's because I don't want it to end, but I will fight through this stupid urge and I will finish this story so that I can work on the blog that I want to put it up on, as well as the second draft.

I'm actually sad it will soon be over, it just means that another set of characters are going to be happy, while I remain here...with no happy ending, just a bottomless hole that will probably never be filled (NO I'M NOT FAT! I'm talking about emotionally. I'll always have an empty space.)

Well that's it for now, because I just wanted to say I'm almost done...oh and I'm listening to a Doctor Who Spotify playlist...and the song I'm currently listening to is called Song For Ten and I don't know why but the singer kinda reminds me of David Bowie...if you listen to it, please tell me if you hear it too!


Monday, 8 September 2014

Boring Holidays And Frustrated Packing

Well, you can probably tell this will be a rant, as well as an update. Basically, I packed for Malaga today, we're going to leave on Friday (but my parents are quite paranoid about the packing so they pack pretty much a week before we leave), and because they don't quite trust me or our hotel/resort, I can't bring my laptop with me. So I won't be able to work on my story for around 6/7 days.

Yes another week before I can either finish the story or start on the second draft (editing it). I'm almost there, I'm on chapter 15 now, and the good stuff is just starting - oh yeah, please don't mind chapter 13 and 14, they're fillers, because we can't have all the good stuff going on pretty much every chapter, plus the time scales would be too short. Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to finish the story in the next three days...that is if I don't have anywhere to go.

Now onto the rant...I am so mad my parents won't let me take my laptop! I will be bored, because a) there is most likely going to be no wifi in the room, so all the apps that I usually go on will be abandoned for that week...yippee...and again I won't have my laptop to work from. Ok they offered the small notebook my mum usually works from, but that is deathly slow! I can't work on a laptop that every five seconds would probably freeze on me! I mean yeah that would be a better alternative, but I just don't see myself staring at the small screen, especially when I like the way the MacBook feels under my hands (no puns intended). I'm just saying I like looking at my laptop screen, when I work on my book, because it has been my "original" (I'll explain...think of music, and how people do covers of different songs, like...I don't know, Starships by Nicki Minaj, you know, the cast of Pitch Perfect sang it with Mike Tompkins and people would say I like Nicki's version or I like Pitch Perfect's version...yeah well "original" means the original version of that's like that with me and my laptop) I can't stand looking at my work on a different screen, even if it will help me finish my story faster. It's probably an OCD thing for me...yeah I have mild OCD when it comes to certain projects and things.

Anyway, I think this episode of anger was due to me PMS-ing, I'm close (sorry boys but girl talk...) and because it's coinciding with this trip, I know I will be hella bored, because I can't swim, and I know if I try, it would just spell disaster. So I will be stuck inside the hotel room trying to think of ways to entertain myself, which probably would include me listening to old soundtrack music while I think of a new story line for the next story in the series, which again will probably take me ages to finish. So my brain will be occupied with two stories by the time I return from holiday, on the 17th.

Oh yes, and the reason for the pretty much 4 day trip is because I have re-enrolment on the 18th and I can't miss that! Otherwise I'd be taken off the course! I can't have that! So in conclusion (for the first half of this post) I won't be working on my story because of my stubborn, paranoid parents, I won't be able to bring my laptop to Malaga, I'll be having a horrible time, because I won't be able to swim, and I will be burdened with two stories in my head for the rest of the summer...oh and as soon as uni starts, I'll have university work bothering me too. So in all my mind will be ready to explode by Christmas.

Ok so I'm overreacting, but come on in all fairness, I want to finish this first story as soon as I can, so that you guys won't get bored with just my ramblings, and TBH I really want to get this story out there because I want to. It's been eating at me ever since I failed to finish the first attempt to finish. It will kill me to give up on this story, since the plot line has me excited, and the character development is way deeper than the feeble attempt the first time.

Sorry, again for this...Anyway, back to the update part of this post. As I've said I'm on chapter 15. Basically the first act (again I see this as a play or film or whatever...) is what got me excited, but I didn't want it to stop there, I wanted it to be bigger and better, so I've developed the characters a lot more, and now I'm at a heavy plot development and when I am finally done with the first draft, I think it will take me a while to readjust the proportions of it and whatnots. Again I will thank my reviewers for it, when I give it to them. It would be so much easier after they give me their feedback. So again it will be a while before you get to see the final version of this story. After that I'll work on the second one, which I already have planned out in my head. I just hope that by the time I write it up, it would flow like it did for this first one.

So in short I'm going to be depressed next week because I have nothing to do, not even enjoy the sun and swim...It's DEPRESSING!!!!!! Anyway...

I'm out of things to say, so again do whatever you want with this post (except copy it). Bye...

Friday, 5 September 2014

Act One Is Complete

Exactly as it says in the title, and yes, I reference my story as a play. It's a novel, don't forget, but I like looking at it in different ways. I thought of it in parts, now I think of it in acts, and I have to say, it makes things a lot easier for me.

I know I've only posted an update yesterday...or was it the day before...wait, no yesterday, but I assure you this update is because I have finished act one of my play (don't judge!!!). Yes I've finished chapter 10 and it couldn't have come sooner! I loved writing the first act! It was such a roller coaster ride, and I ended it with a great feeling. I was so overcome with emotion, I actually had to stop writing halfway through a sentence. The last part of chapter ten will probably cause many of you to hate me! I know I hate me too, because I wrote it! I was so excited and emotional when I wrote it I couldn't even describe what I felt! I couldn't even breathe!

Wow, I'm getting excited just thinking about it...So, carrying on with this post...I am now beginning act two or chapter 11 and things are really getting intense. Don't worry, you'll be able to see it soon, that is if my reviewers can get me my reviews on time.

Anyway, this story is so much different than what I'd ever expected. It's evolved as I write, and every time I look over what I've just written, I can't even imagine it's me that's writing. It's like, nothing I've ever felt. Ok, so that's basically what I keep saying, let me explain. When I write this story, it's's not me that's writing, I mean I am writing it, but it's not my words. Basically, it's like when you're reading a book for the first time, you don't know what's going to happen, and you are so engrossed you have to read it. That's like me as I write. It's like I'm reading what someone else is saying to me, and I'm just the scribe, I see the words in my head and when it comes out on the computer, I'm dazzled! I can't believe what I'd just written, and I have to look over it just to make sure it's really there! It's like I'm reading that new book, as I'm writing. It's amazing! The last novel I wrote it was nothing like it, I had to consciously write the story, and it did not work at all, but this, this is on a whole new level. It's beyond my own imagination. It's not even me!

I don't know if any writer or any artist can say the same, but that's exactly how I feel. When I planned this story, I thought it would just be a normal romance, where the girl and guy admit they love each other, but the more I write, the deeper it all gets. It literally evolves as I write! I mean, after I finish a chapter I always have an idea of what I want to write next, and if it's at night, I always think about what I want to write just before I go to bed. Then when I wake up, and I turn on my laptop, the story is not the one I envisioned the night before, it is something completely different. It's the same when it comes to the next part of a chapter. Once I'm done with one perspective, another comes along!

It's like I'm not the one dictating this book, and I'm just along for the ride, just watching and waiting for the next thing to happen. It's so magical, I can't even begin to describe my excitement. I really can't wait for it to be finished, so that all of you can see what I mean. It's really something else, and yes it may have elements of stories that you've probably seen, but it's something really new in my perspective, and I really can't imagine anything else. Of course when I do finally look over it, and I put it up here, I will give the credits where its due, not just to my readers, but to the inspiration that created it. So here's me signing out for now, I'll see you all soon. ^^

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Welcome New Reviewers

Well hello there. No that title is not for you, but for the people I have added to the review roster. They have been patiently waiting for the new story. Only because I've asked them to review my work, just so I can have an idea of what I need to edit. They'll be getting what is essentially the first act of the grand scheme - I'm only giving them chapters 1 - 10. Yes, I'm at chapter 10, and it's only been a week! My last story took me nearly a month! I think it's because I'm more enthusiastic about this one. It's really exciting, and you can definitely feel the characters develop.

Ok so about the story. I haven't made any summary of it, but I will, as soon as the first full draft is done, but basically it's a love story, but also an adventure story. That's all I'm going to say. Anyway, So far, we've had many emotional outbursts, mainly from the girl, from rage to sadness and to passion. So yeah we'll be on a very emotional ride with this one.

If I haven't said before, I might make a series out of it, if I can be bothered, because I've made mention to Seven elements, and so far, one of them has been fully integrated in the story, the other six I think will have their own, who knows, and it will span across different worlds. For instance this first one is basically based on the fey, so it's a world full of magic and fairies and whatnots, I might make a story based on a steampunk theme, or a Victorian theme, or even delve into sci-fi, who knows. We'll just have to wait and see.

The truth is, this story or series is taken from many inspiration, this first one is listed in the previous post, so Jim Henson's Labyrinth and whatnots are this novel's inspiration, I may be inspired by other such movies or books to make the others, like, I don't know, Howl's Moving Castle, or The Pirates of the Caribbean series, or something else entirely. However I will let you know what the inspiration for these different stories are, when the time comes. For now, you'll have to wait and see.

So as always, (because I don't already tell you enough) do with this post what you will (except copy it) and I shall see you all again soon. Bye!!!! ^^

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Progress Report! Sir!

Ok so I think it's time I posted something up, otherwise you lots get bored. Not that anyone reads it, but who cares! I've decided not to care, not even the amount of views I've got so far!

Well, I guess you'll all be happy to know I've made it to Chapter 8 in...what...5 days. That's something. I've managed to tease you in these few chapters, and the big heavy stuff will be in the later chapters, so watch out for that. I've got a few more people on the review panel, so I can edit a lot more easily, most of them aren't writers...well...writers in the sense of actual fiction...but yeah, anyway, they'll be helping me with the stuff, so once it's out in the open, I'll be crediting them (maybe not by name if they don't want it, but crediting them nonetheless).

Next, I've been working at this non-stop, so maybe by the end of this year, I'll probably have it up...if university work and other stuff don't interfere. I highly doubt it, but there you go. Ok so breakdown of inspiration and stuff...Mainly it's the music I'm listening to...The chord progressions and the overall theme of the music is just the epicentre of it all.

First of all I'm listening to the amazing violin skills of Lindsey Stirling. You can click on her YouTube channel here (oh and I am not endorsing, this is just for credit purposes): Lindsey Stirling - her stuff is amazing! I especially love her song Shatter Me (yes it's clickable), feat. Lzzy Hale from Halestorm (another clickable). Anyway, most of her songs are my inspiration, along with music from Audiomachine, which oddly enough I used in my A2 coursework (I used the song called The New Earth) - you can Spotify them, I love their music, it's all epic and stuff, helps me think of really cool battle scenes or ending scenes! Anyway, I also use Labyrinth (The link is to their IMDB page not the film itself) - OF COURSE! My inspiration and possibly obsession...and Disney's and the original story of Beauty and the Beast (again IMDB). Not only that, some things are from the fan-fictions I love, the ones that I referred to before:

The links this time are to the fan-fiction themselves...reader discretion is advised - THEY ARE MATURE!!!! Just as a heads up. Anyway, they are on so they don't have a title page, and start on the first chapter/prologue but I don't think that would be a bother.

So that's the gist of it. But details are...well, when you read the prologue, listen to Lindsey Stirling's Take Flight, that particular "chapter" was based on the song. I just imagined the first few lines, and things took off from there...the rest...I dunno, sorta happened...ok so I based it a little on the story I had before (which I am never going back to - I've literally deleted from every data store I have, so literally there is no going back) but this time, things are a little bit more developed. So yes I hope you like it...if and when it does decide to turn up on the internet.

After that I guess the rest would probably speak for itself. So wish me luck...or not, since no one actually comments on these things...



Thursday, 28 August 2014

New Beginnings and Endings

Ok so you've all probably noticed I've deleted the page for all the information on the novel To Dream truth be told, while I was writing one of the later chapters I noticed that the plot was too "closed" and not challenging enough, so I'm going to combine two favourite fairytales of mine and using them as a basis for the new novel, don't worry I'm still going to use the fan-fictions that inspired the last novel but the difference is the plot, I do hope it works out this time. I am still going to use some of the same characters, so watch out.

So reasons why I had to stop the old story:

  • I lost interest
  • No inspiration
  • The story was too closed
So the first reason is that I lost interest. Yes I'd written down so many notes, it's almost filled an entire book, but in the end there was no (as in the film Saving Mr. Banks, Emma Thompson's P.L Traverse, says) "gravitas" so I needed something more than what I'd written. Plus I've been inspired by so many other things for other stories that those have started to take priority. Therefore I could no longer write this novel.

The second is related to the first. I've been inspired by many things, like music, noises, experiences, images and other things. So I've changed the story to fit these inspirations. So it's not just three fan-fiction stories.

And the final reason. At first I was excited by the plot, but as it progressed, I noticed there was a huge lax in character development, plot twists and such, and I couldn't fix it in small bits, I'd have to completely change the story in order to make sense of it. So that's why I had to start again.

So there you have it the reasons I've had to quit the story. But don't worry a new one will be up and hopefully this one will be good.

As always I leave you with this to do what you will, and just for the hell of it, I give you this quote "We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep." (W. Shakespeare, The Tempest: Act 4, scene 1, 157 - 158)

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Update Time...

Hey...yeah, the deadline has kind of gone out of the window, so we'll probably wait a lot longer before the story becomes live, so I'm really sorry. I'm trying my best to gain enough inspiration to continue.

Anyway, a lot has happened this summer, after Cancun. I went out with the cousins (we are surprisingly close, so don't judge), I went out to lunch with an old friend, I went shopping with my sister and we went fishing last Sunday. Ok so not so much has happened, but I have taken up hand craft projects. Oh and I had managed to finish the cat cross stitch I had been working on for the past three years. Yes I could have finished it in one year, but I had to put it off because of my A Levels and  there were points where I couldn't be bothered to continue it. Now I have taken up a crochet project, I'm making an afghan/blanket, and I have two more cross stitch projects lined up. Not to mention I'm starting my second year at university this September, and my family has booked a trip to malaga in the next few weeks. So the novel has had to step back in terms of priority. Who knows I may finish it next year.

So what has happened so far? Well when I went out with my cousins, it was really for a birthday. Originally it was going to be themed, but because of limited resources and poor planning we ended up going to a bar and just drinking and having fun. It was great. I managed to stay somewhat sober, more so than pretty much everyone else, and I didn't fall asleep this time...don't ask. Although I did feel sleepy throughout the night, but I guess it's only because it was late, I'm not used to staying up past midnight. There were a few instances where I had to help someone in the group, for example, my "cousin" was quite sick she was sent out of the bar and I tried to get attention away from her. The next person was my sister, and well I handled that a lot better. Oh and the worst one was my cousin, his drinking lead him to the stage where he was aggressive and angry, and that scared me a lot, because he tried to confront two big guys who were walking to the station behind us, fortunately for us, they understood that he was drunk and tried to calm him down.

The next interesting thing I did was go fishing with my family. That was fun, more fun than the bar actually. I love fishing and I caught two big ones nearly instantly, of course that was all I caught because that was my turn, I had to hand over the rod to my cousins so they could have a go. Then we had a picnic, which well kind of frustrated me, since my dad got a charcoal "instant" grill. The instructions were fairly simple, but the thing was it didn't light very well, it took us hours until we got it starting, but we did eventually get it started, and took a few good photos while we were at it, and I must say the fish I caught was excellent, that it was worth the wait. It was good to see my grandmother and my two baby cousins (even though they're already 7 and 11 I still think them babies) out in the fresh air. I was a bit jealous of the younger one though, he managed to catch five fishes...No one should be that good, especially on their first go!

The other events were just ordinary compared to what I'd described above, I bought some clothes, but mostly I bought fruits for my smoothies, which I haven't had the chance to make, and well, I don't think I'll be making any smoothies any time soon, since I keep forgetting to. So I may just put the smoothie making off for a while, until I get my health routine back on track.

Anyway, that's the story for now, let's be done with that, and I'll see you soon. ^^

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Real Procrastination...

Hey, ok so I know it's been a while, but the truth is, I've had to abandon the story for a bit, because I just wasn't feeling up to continue writing about a love that I've never truly experienced. So basically I was kinda hibernating and recovering from my own self-pitying, not to mention things got out of hand the past few weeks...we had a birthday party, a theme park outing, shopping days, lunch days, you name it.

Ok, so far I'm still on chapter 10, and I highly doubt now that I'll finish this story before September, but that's ok, I'm putting the new deadline for Halloween, maybe I'll get it done by then. I've only a few more chapters to go. So you'll be seeing the full thing soon. I'm sorry if things are going slowly now, I've just had to go on that much needed break, or else I'd be crying my eyes out every day because I've been craving for that passion, that completeness from having someone love you like that.

Not to mention I've been getting myself addicted to a few games that really may not be healthy, but hey, who cares? No one actually sees me play those games, except my family. Oh and I've also been busy cleaning up the house, because I've got that much free time on my hands.

Anyway, that's it for now, again sorry it's short I really don't have much to say, because if I do start going on a rampage, things won't be pretty, I can promise you that. So I'll see you all soon (I hope).

Monday, 14 July 2014

Hello Again!

Finally I'm back, I've had to take a two week hiatus, it seems, because a lot of things happened. The first week we were still adjusting to London time (since we were still a little jet lagged), and the second my sister and I visited our cousins (and they visited us).

So in short it's been "busy" not to mention my muse has run away for those two weeks, which wasn't quite that big of a deal, because I think she really needed that holiday. She's come back (finally) and is ready and rearing to go. So you probably won't hear from me, for a little while, because she's pushing me to continue the story.

At the moment, all I can say is that chapter 8 will soon be done and perhaps by the end of the week I'll be done with chapter 10 or so, we'll see, if I'm not distracted, maybe it could happen.

Sorry for the short update, I can't really say anymore on the subject, because I may just be giving everything away. So be good for now. ^^

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Update Time - Another Hiatus

Hello everybody! As you can tell from the title, I will be on another hiatus. It seems my muse has left me floundering in the deep, with no raft, and the shore is like three hours away, so I'm going to have to take some more time off to finally swim back to shore. Yes I'm back from holiday, not that you lot care. I've had some great R&R but now it's time to get back to the real world, and well...let's just say, I'm still a bit jet lagged (it's harder to adjust to the time difference when you travel east).

So what happened on holiday? Well I've told you everything important in the last few posts of this blog, but I'll just recall it in this one. On Sunday, as we were still adjusting to the new environment, we went to church, and I could barely understand the mass (it was in Spanish, and no amount of Spanish lessons could have helped). Monday was a day of R&R, we went to the beach, we swam in the pool and bought a few food stuff from Walmart (not that I'm advertising). Tuesday we started to do some real stuff, we went parasailing, and saw the entire coast line of the "Zona Hoteles" of Cancun. It was marvellous (not to mention we were above the sea, so we could see sting rays, turtles and all sorts of stuff that happens at sea.

Wednesday was the best...and possibly the worst. We swam with dolphins, as you know. It was such an epic experience, that I still can't believe I did it, and when I say the worst, it is because, I think I got infected by the pool water the dolphins were in, because I got a rash and noticed it a few hours later, luckily it's not too bad, and with time it will go away, but it was quite annoying. The next day, we went to Xichen Itza, and it was so awesome!! I loved the Mayan culture, and although the hype of 2012 is gone, it was still amazing to learn about the Maya's traditions, like their numerical system and their use of the stars to calculate rain and other stuff. It was eye opening.

Friday was another day of R&R because the next day, Saturday, was the day we set off. Leading me on to the next point. It was such a long day, that day. Our flight left at 7pm (approx.) and my mum was on standby, so we had to wait around six hours to get her booked on the flight. So I was pretty much wasting the battery of my iPad the entire time. When we finally did get on the plane, I didn't sleep like everyone else did, I watched movies the entire flight (not to mention I watched The Hunger Games: Catching Fire for the second time, on the plane). So I pretty much messed up my entire body clock, and when we arrived at Gatwick, I was flagging the entire time. I'm not even sorry for sleeping on the Virgin Crew coach, on our way to Heathrow, to get home. In fact, I didn't sleep until Sunday night, so I pretty much stayed up approximately for 24 hours.

Now, it's just getting used to British time, because I am still fully sleeping at around 2am, and waking up at 11am. Of course today is different. Today I was woken up at 9:30am, because we are getting our windows replaced. FINALLY!!!! Our double glazed windows are old, and so now our dad has finally got them to be changed. So I had to get up early to ease his mind, these are strange men, and we don't know what they're capable of, so my sister and I are lookouts for the day.

That's it for now. I'll get back to all of you when I do finally get back on track with the story. So over and out. ^^

Thursday, 26 June 2014

A Grand Old Time

Is it bad that I've only written two paragraphs today? Truth be told I am very tired. I woke up really early and had a headache the entire day. Not to mention we went to the aquarium, and...I SWAM WITH DOLPHINS!!!! Yes I swam with dolphins. It was the best experience ever!!!!!!

Our dolphin was called Maya, and she was the most adorable thing there ever was!!!!! >< She was a baby, only 5 years old, and she was the sweetest out of the dolphins in the pool with us (they were with other groups). We got to feel her belly, as well as her back. We heard her speak underwater. We heard her sing, had a water fight with her, and shared a kiss with her. It was the most exciting thing ever. I loved it, and looking back on it now, I can just cry with happiness. I've always wanted to swim with the dolphins and now I have!! I can die happy now. ^^

I think my favourite animal (besides domestics) is the dolphin. They are sweet, they are charming, and I believe that each have their own personality, if my experience today was anything to go by. I really do love them, and I may just adopt one when I'm older and earning money.

Anyway, that's it for now, because to be honest, I can't be bothered to write anything else, and this headache is doing me in. Plus, I have a corn dog waiting for me, so peace out everyone. ^^

Monday, 23 June 2014

More Sun, Sand and Sea

Hello again everyone! Yes I'm updating. It's been really fun for the last two days. Swimming in the sea, swimming in the pool, having a drink or two. It's a real joy to be here. As for the chapter, I've been reluctant to return to it, but return to it I must. I'll be writing rough drafts for now, but when I do get to it properly, I will be editing it to make it even better.

Sorry for the short post, but that's it for now. I'll speak to all of you later.

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Welcome to Cancun

Hello everyone, hola y bienvenido a CanĂșn! I've barely even written a few paragraphs of chapter 8 and  I don't think I'll get past chapter 9 by the end of the week. For now let's just say it's going to be another hiatus. I will be going back to it. It's just I'm at a writer's block, and my muse has left. For now there's nothing I can do.

Please be patient and I will get back to it. As for those of you who are wondering. I'm having a good day so far. The weather's nice, and the hotel we're staying at is lovely. The people are friendly and I really am enjoying myself. So for now, again sorry, but please be patient

Friday, 20 June 2014

The Day Before

Ok so tomorrow we're jetting off to Cancun, so that means that today we clean up the house. Do any of you experience that? My dad, insists we clean the house before we leave. Granted it does dust up when we arrive, but that doesn't matter, as long as the house is clean. Actually I do see the sense in that, but dusting the house?...

Anyway, you will probably hear from me next week, but in case you don't please feel free to read whatever is on this blog. Things will be changing after the next week, so's the time to panic over looking for the last review or your favourite review because after next week I'm going to make a separate blog for them.

As for now. I'm currently doing my nails (in a nude colour) because I don't want my nails to look all scruffy and...well...just plain boring, so right now it's hard for me to type...a little. So it's probably taken me longer to write this than usual. Other than that, yeah a short one.

I'll see you guys soon. ^^