I Am Not Fine

So recently I discovered I am not fine (as the title says). Apparently I have a dark side that's holding me back from whatever I should really be doing, that is according to my lecturer. I actually listen to him, because he's actually very observant with these things, because, as a screenwriter he knows a bit about psychology, and my psychology is somewhat messed up, in his opinion.

Well, that explains the unexpected depression...actually, it's not unexpected, it's been going on since...well, since this course started...I'm not entirely sure why, but since September, my mood's gone from ok to "I can't be bothered anymore" and I don't mean that for just university or work...I mean it with everything. For example, I've recently returned to my most favourite game League of Legends (which in my opinion is one of the greatest games I've ever played!) and it's been two months...but in the last few weeks I can't be bothered to play...I log on and I just don't want to play a game, bot or PVP. It's not that I'm tired of the game, far from it. I'm actually just not in the mood to do anything...not even watch YouTube videos...I mean, I watch the new vlogs from the channels I'm subscribed to, but that's pretty much it. Then I go off and read fan-fiction, but not just any fan-fiction. I read the fan-fictions that I've learned to love over the last 3 years, namely Of Dreams and Broken Things; What's Past is Prologue; The End of Days and Dreams, Wishes and Plain Brown Wrapper. All of these fan-fictions, as you can guess are all based on Labyrinth.

As I read these fan-fictions, I find myself wanting to be Sarah, more and more, and I find myself thinking a bit like these versions of her, especially when it comes to feeling like I don't belong in this world, and I really should be somewhere else, like another world or another time or universe...I guess, I'll not be alone in that department...but nevertheless, I do feel quite alone, in the place I'm in, because as we all know INFJ's are very hard to come by, in the real world...

Anyway, that's what I've discovered is the root of my problem - the fact I had a dark side and didn't know it...but what caused this dark side you ask? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNOW! I've been trying to ask myself that very question ever since I knew I was (mildly) depressed. I put it down to my childhood bullies, and whatnots, but to be honest, I don't really think it's them...I mean they're a major factor, don't get me wrong, but they're not the only things that have caused this and I may just be over-thinking this, but I do think there is more to my dark side than past bullies.

So yes, it's a rant, but it's probably good for me, because I get it off my chest, and maybe I can breathe better, but who knows...