I Am Tired Of Being Backwards

Ok, so hey! No I'm not a different person, I just wanted everything to be in one place so I don't have to keep logging out and logging back in again, just to write these posts and be on blogger at the same time. This is still Feather Charm, but on a different account so yeah...

Anyway, what is this thing about? Well, I've just recently discovered I'm pretty much backwards, because I'm not really keeping up with everything. I mean, I haven't been on League of Legends for a while, why? Because I keep travelling and working on my blog, I don't have enough time to just play! I know it's all my fault really, but the thing is, I'd rather be out of tune with the world and be in tune with me. There are a lot of things happening in my life: my cousin's graduation, the upcoming League of Legends World Championship Series (that's happening in September...I think...the reason why it's in my life is because I want to watch it), and my last year of university is coming up soon too. I have so many things that's going on, I don't know where to look...so what do I do? I immerse myself in my blog and website, because it's the only way I can cope.

I'm not joking, most of my days now are spent just editing posts, making pages and making new content for the website. I know I should really take it easy but there's just no way I can, because I'd rather get the views on there. I'd really like to have some sort of base going, I mean, I do have quite a bit of stuff on there anyway, but I just don't seem to be getting the views I want, I know I should promote it, but I have no money and the job I do have only pays for travel expenses and I use that money to buy essential stuff I do use! Oh and get this, if I want to buy something online, I have to ask my mother first! There's just nothing I can really do! I have to just rely on the fact that someone in my circle will actually see them and promote it for me...but I know that's not going to happen, because who would want to see a blog/website made by a busybody like me?

Not to mention I have several YouTube channels that I'm going to be linked with (because one's for my website, and the other is a a joint venture), so I'm going to have to promote them...is it just too much to ask for people to look! I don't have much in terms of social skills, but when it comes to being online and getting my opinions out there, I feel a lot safer. However, just like in real life, I'm still being ignored! Maybe I'm thinking too much about this...yes I am thinking too much about this, but the truth is I really just want some recognition! No one really listens to me (except the one person who actually does), the people I try to help, don't even notice that I am doing my best to help them, and I just feel like a hermit because people don't understand that I too need some love! I mean, yes, I get love from my family (immediate family, that is), but from anywhere else? Nope! I mean even here, no one really comments, nor on my website (which I have linked to on this blog), I've no real support on this platform, and it's been what, four, five years? Since I started this blog? I'm just getting so tired of being lonely!

Do you know why I started this blog? I started because a few of my friends had introduced me to blogger, I thought, it's a good way to get opinions out there, so why not try it. Initially it was just meant to be for things like...I don't know...pictures I tried to make on Photoshop (which didn't quite work out), then I tried to make stories, but because I gave up on them, I didn't finish. Now I only use it to simply shout and rant, and pretty much let out the frustration and anger I feel, not just at others, but at myself too. I mean I pretty much just bad-mouth myself here day in and day out, because I don't have confidence in myself. I don't have that reassurance that everything is ok.

And although I have my faith to fall back on, I just feel like it's an excuse, just to say to God, do whatever you want with me, I'm done. I mean, yes I'm trying to do His work, to carry out his mission, but I just feel like no one is really listening. It's like this...I do something, I find it difficult and I get through it, with His help. When I get out at the other end, I look back just to see if anything really happened. I mean, I've built the path, but no one seems to want to take it and join me on the other side, and I look to him and ask, but I just find myself alone, and wondering if I should go back down that path just to ask him, but I keep hearing him telling me to go forward.

Ugh...ok so while I was writing that, I realised, I just gave myself the answer, and that was an example of that anecdote, and once I publish this post, I'm going to keep refreshing my stats page just to see if anyone actually reads this stuff, and I know I'll be getting loads of views, but no one will really comment. I know that. So whatever.

This is Feather Charm, signing off.

The Music Corner Episode 5 - Here I Am Lord

Hello Everyone,

As promised another arrangement here for The Music Corner on Monday, to help you through the week. Ok, so unlike the previous two episodes, which were original pieces, this is another arrangement of a hymn. This one is my absolute favourite because it holds dear memories in my heart. It’s called Here I Am Lord.

So he reasons why I love this hymn is because I once was asked to participate in a liturgy. My part was to “dance” for…you guessed it…THIS HYMN! ‘Course this was when I was a kid (around 7 or 8 at the time) and something like this was a huge deal for me! For someone like me, being chosen to be a part of liturgies and masses was awesome! It meant that I would no longer just be a part of the crowd; my voice could be heard! For someone like me, it was a relief to know someone was finally listening!

Needless to say, I felt blessed from that moment on, and because of it I joined the school choir where I felt closer to God through the songs we sang. Of course, not all the songs were hymns, we sang other stuff, but that moment stuck with me and that’s why this hymn is my all-time favourite.

However, I was quite reluctant to make an arrangement for something like this. Although I love this hymn, there were times when it was sung in my parish, and it was deathly slow. Not to mention, they would have a drumbeat going on behind it, which took the majesty out of it. So, not only do I have some great memories of it, I also had some not-so-great memories too, but I can’t fault them, I guess they did it because they thought people couldn’t sing to it if it were faster.

Oh and if you want to check out the WordPress page, where I've also uploaded the score, and the ScoreCloud version (no I did not spell SoundCloud wrong) then click here.

Well, anyway here’s the piece. I hope you like it just as much as I do. 

Here I Am Lord - SoundCloud

As always tell me what you think in the comments below, and I’ll see you all soon! As always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless. ^^

The End Of An Era

I think I've named a previous post this...oh well, never mind! Let's just say it's number two...Anyway. I am almost done with this first story!!! Yes I know I've only recently said I'm on chapter 15, but now I'm almost done with 16 and I'll have you know that I may finish the story within three or four chapters! Woohoo!!!!

Now you're all probably wondering why I'm not actually finishing the story immediately and wasting my time on my blog...truth be told, I kinda don't want to finish it, and I guess that's why I keep giving up on my other stories. It's because I don't want it to end, but I will fight through this stupid urge and I will finish this story so that I can work on the blog that I want to put it up on, as well as the second draft.

I'm actually sad it will soon be over, it just means that another set of characters are going to be happy, while I remain here...with no happy ending, just a bottomless hole that will probably never be filled (NO I'M NOT FAT! I'm talking about emotionally. I'll always have an empty space.)

Well that's it for now, because I just wanted to say I'm almost done...oh and I'm listening to a Doctor Who Spotify playlist...and the song I'm currently listening to is called Song For Ten and I don't know why but the singer kinda reminds me of David Bowie...if you listen to it, please tell me if you hear it too!

Anyway...Biiiiiiyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee!!!!!!