Well...it looks like self-deprecation is the thing that pulls people in...since I've noticed my post
I Am A Horrible Person seems to be getting the most views...and from America no less...yes I stalk my own blog, so be it!
The truth is, I have a lot of free time to do whatever, because of:
- Procrastination
- Lack of friends
- Lack of anything I find interesting
Ok so the last one can be attributed to my own personal tastes, but what can I say? I don't have a piano in my home to keep me occupied. Yes I'm a closet pianist, and no I don't take requests because I don't know very many pieces.
It's as I said before, I'm living a half-life, because there's really nothing interesting anymore, and anything interesting usually involves alcohol or some sort of wild shindig that I don't really fancy. I mean come on! Is there nothing left for an introvert, like me, to do, without going out and partying as a drunk?
The truth is, I just sleep, once I get enough alcohol in me, I don't dance, I don't speak, I just sit there, like I'm stoned. It's no fun at all!
Oh and the title? Yeah, that was just something I thought fit, because I'm writing this on a day where I'm supposed to be at work, but because of travel disruptions (as always, when you're in London) I can't go, so I'm stuck at home, trying to piece together my assignment and waiting for a response from my employer about what I was supposed to do today.
So now I'm sitting here, contemplating whether or not I should have a game on
League of Legends first, or work on my assignment...and as I got up to get my robe, because it is too damn cold even with the heating on, I decide, I'll do a little more of my assignment, and then I'll play a game...
You see! That's how sad my life is. I know you'll all probably say, "Get up and go somewhere, a park, a club, shopping, something, instead of sitting here and moping about and complaining!" but my response to you is..."WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING TO GO!!! I live in the middle of nowhere! Yes I may be in the city, but it is a far cry from city life! I live right next to Heathrow, which is where all the action is! Not to mention all that action is beyond security, I can't get past without a boarding card and passport! How the hell am I supposed to have fun there! Also, if I want to get anywhere, I'm going to have to commute! So what is the point!"
Yes that would be my argument, because I pretty much live in the countryside. While it may not be farm-land or the rural areas, it's a suburb where there are no clubs, no night life, and for someone like me, in a society where drinking is an everyday thing, or being loud is a social thing, I don't fit in at all!
Ok, I know this is slowly becoming a rant, but there's very little I can do about that because my 'dark side' has been unleashed and it's attacking me, and that's exactly what this post is doing for me. I don't know how, but it is.
Oh and as a side note...if any of you, who know me, and came from my primary school...GREAT JOB! As I said in a tweet a few weeks ago, you've successfully made a train-wreck of me, all the bad memories and self-loathing from all those years ago, have come to surface, and won't go away...So give yourselves a pat on the back, because yes you've succeeded in making a mess of me, because all the times I'll be crying over pretty much any little thing, I'll be thinking of you, and how you teased me. All the times I'll be angry at myself, I'll be remembering all the secrets you told each other about me. All the times I'll be ashamed of myself and wish I were dead, I'll be reminiscing on the times you backstabbed me because I was that gullible. Yes, gullible.
So the next time you see me and I'm putting on that mask of a smile, know that there is a broken person underneath and it was all because of you. Well done, you should all be given prizes and awards, but unfortunately I don't have any, so you're going to have to make them or buy them yourselves.
It's funny how life can screw you over like that. After seven years together (we were aged 3 - 11 at the time) you'd think they would know to stop harassing me and understand that I'm a sensitive person, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too. Also, it's thanks to them that any source of interest, for me is in books and fantasy novels and, yes, fan-fictions too. That's why I have quite a wide ranged vocabulary. Now I can write all the things that they did to me, but without implicating them.
Oh now that I think about it, it's funny I really should blame them, name and shame them, but because of who I am, and what my beliefs are I won't, because I'd be sinking to their level. The only reprieve I will probably have is that they would feel ashamed of making this mess, of making a monster out of me and they can never fix it because they won't ever see me again. They probably don't even know I have this blog and don't even know that this post is about them. Sure they may stumble across it one day, when they remember me, but I don't think they will. There is probably one in a billion chances that they would find it.
So for now, I will enjoy what freedom I have here on the internet, because they're probably never going to find this. They're probably too busy to even care, and I am so glad for that. I can say "SCREW YOU!" as much as I want and there is nothing they can do about it!
