Showing posts with label No. Show all posts
Showing posts with label No. Show all posts
Sunday, 20 March 2016
Let's Call Him Einstein
Well, this is the very first video of our new gaming channel with a few friends of mine! Hope y'all like it!
Monday, 13 July 2015
I Am Tired Of Being Backwards
Ok, so hey! No I'm not a different person, I just wanted everything to be in one place so I don't have to keep logging out and logging back in again, just to write these posts and be on blogger at the same time. This is still Feather Charm, but on a different account so yeah...
Anyway, what is this thing about? Well, I've just recently discovered I'm pretty much backwards, because I'm not really keeping up with everything. I mean, I haven't been on League of Legends for a while, why? Because I keep travelling and working on my blog, I don't have enough time to just play! I know it's all my fault really, but the thing is, I'd rather be out of tune with the world and be in tune with me. There are a lot of things happening in my life: my cousin's graduation, the upcoming League of Legends World Championship Series (that's happening in September...I think...the reason why it's in my life is because I want to watch it), and my last year of university is coming up soon too. I have so many things that's going on, I don't know where to look...so what do I do? I immerse myself in my blog and website, because it's the only way I can cope.
I'm not joking, most of my days now are spent just editing posts, making pages and making new content for the website. I know I should really take it easy but there's just no way I can, because I'd rather get the views on there. I'd really like to have some sort of base going, I mean, I do have quite a bit of stuff on there anyway, but I just don't seem to be getting the views I want, I know I should promote it, but I have no money and the job I do have only pays for travel expenses and I use that money to buy essential stuff I do use! Oh and get this, if I want to buy something online, I have to ask my mother first! There's just nothing I can really do! I have to just rely on the fact that someone in my circle will actually see them and promote it for me...but I know that's not going to happen, because who would want to see a blog/website made by a busybody like me?
Not to mention I have several YouTube channels that I'm going to be linked with (because one's for my website, and the other is a a joint venture), so I'm going to have to promote them...is it just too much to ask for people to look! I don't have much in terms of social skills, but when it comes to being online and getting my opinions out there, I feel a lot safer. However, just like in real life, I'm still being ignored! Maybe I'm thinking too much about this...yes I am thinking too much about this, but the truth is I really just want some recognition! No one really listens to me (except the one person who actually does), the people I try to help, don't even notice that I am doing my best to help them, and I just feel like a hermit because people don't understand that I too need some love! I mean, yes, I get love from my family (immediate family, that is), but from anywhere else? Nope! I mean even here, no one really comments, nor on my website (which I have linked to on this blog), I've no real support on this platform, and it's been what, four, five years? Since I started this blog? I'm just getting so tired of being lonely!
Do you know why I started this blog? I started because a few of my friends had introduced me to blogger, I thought, it's a good way to get opinions out there, so why not try it. Initially it was just meant to be for things like...I don't know...pictures I tried to make on Photoshop (which didn't quite work out), then I tried to make stories, but because I gave up on them, I didn't finish. Now I only use it to simply shout and rant, and pretty much let out the frustration and anger I feel, not just at others, but at myself too. I mean I pretty much just bad-mouth myself here day in and day out, because I don't have confidence in myself. I don't have that reassurance that everything is ok.
And although I have my faith to fall back on, I just feel like it's an excuse, just to say to God, do whatever you want with me, I'm done. I mean, yes I'm trying to do His work, to carry out his mission, but I just feel like no one is really listening. It's like this...I do something, I find it difficult and I get through it, with His help. When I get out at the other end, I look back just to see if anything really happened. I mean, I've built the path, but no one seems to want to take it and join me on the other side, and I look to him and ask, but I just find myself alone, and wondering if I should go back down that path just to ask him, but I keep hearing him telling me to go forward.
Ugh...ok so while I was writing that, I realised, I just gave myself the answer, and that was an example of that anecdote, and once I publish this post, I'm going to keep refreshing my stats page just to see if anyone actually reads this stuff, and I know I'll be getting loads of views, but no one will really comment. I know that. So whatever.
This is Feather Charm, signing off.
Anyway, what is this thing about? Well, I've just recently discovered I'm pretty much backwards, because I'm not really keeping up with everything. I mean, I haven't been on League of Legends for a while, why? Because I keep travelling and working on my blog, I don't have enough time to just play! I know it's all my fault really, but the thing is, I'd rather be out of tune with the world and be in tune with me. There are a lot of things happening in my life: my cousin's graduation, the upcoming League of Legends World Championship Series (that's happening in September...I think...the reason why it's in my life is because I want to watch it), and my last year of university is coming up soon too. I have so many things that's going on, I don't know where to look...so what do I do? I immerse myself in my blog and website, because it's the only way I can cope.
I'm not joking, most of my days now are spent just editing posts, making pages and making new content for the website. I know I should really take it easy but there's just no way I can, because I'd rather get the views on there. I'd really like to have some sort of base going, I mean, I do have quite a bit of stuff on there anyway, but I just don't seem to be getting the views I want, I know I should promote it, but I have no money and the job I do have only pays for travel expenses and I use that money to buy essential stuff I do use! Oh and get this, if I want to buy something online, I have to ask my mother first! There's just nothing I can really do! I have to just rely on the fact that someone in my circle will actually see them and promote it for me...but I know that's not going to happen, because who would want to see a blog/website made by a busybody like me?
Not to mention I have several YouTube channels that I'm going to be linked with (because one's for my website, and the other is a a joint venture), so I'm going to have to promote them...is it just too much to ask for people to look! I don't have much in terms of social skills, but when it comes to being online and getting my opinions out there, I feel a lot safer. However, just like in real life, I'm still being ignored! Maybe I'm thinking too much about this...yes I am thinking too much about this, but the truth is I really just want some recognition! No one really listens to me (except the one person who actually does), the people I try to help, don't even notice that I am doing my best to help them, and I just feel like a hermit because people don't understand that I too need some love! I mean, yes, I get love from my family (immediate family, that is), but from anywhere else? Nope! I mean even here, no one really comments, nor on my website (which I have linked to on this blog), I've no real support on this platform, and it's been what, four, five years? Since I started this blog? I'm just getting so tired of being lonely!
Do you know why I started this blog? I started because a few of my friends had introduced me to blogger, I thought, it's a good way to get opinions out there, so why not try it. Initially it was just meant to be for things like...I don't know...pictures I tried to make on Photoshop (which didn't quite work out), then I tried to make stories, but because I gave up on them, I didn't finish. Now I only use it to simply shout and rant, and pretty much let out the frustration and anger I feel, not just at others, but at myself too. I mean I pretty much just bad-mouth myself here day in and day out, because I don't have confidence in myself. I don't have that reassurance that everything is ok.
And although I have my faith to fall back on, I just feel like it's an excuse, just to say to God, do whatever you want with me, I'm done. I mean, yes I'm trying to do His work, to carry out his mission, but I just feel like no one is really listening. It's like this...I do something, I find it difficult and I get through it, with His help. When I get out at the other end, I look back just to see if anything really happened. I mean, I've built the path, but no one seems to want to take it and join me on the other side, and I look to him and ask, but I just find myself alone, and wondering if I should go back down that path just to ask him, but I keep hearing him telling me to go forward.
Ugh...ok so while I was writing that, I realised, I just gave myself the answer, and that was an example of that anecdote, and once I publish this post, I'm going to keep refreshing my stats page just to see if anyone actually reads this stuff, and I know I'll be getting loads of views, but no one will really comment. I know that. So whatever.
This is Feather Charm, signing off.
Wednesday, 26 November 2014
All Work And No Play
Well...it looks like self-deprecation is the thing that pulls people in...since I've noticed my post I Am A Horrible Person seems to be getting the most views...and from America no less...yes I stalk my own blog, so be it!
The truth is, I have a lot of free time to do whatever, because of:
It's as I said before, I'm living a half-life, because there's really nothing interesting anymore, and anything interesting usually involves alcohol or some sort of wild shindig that I don't really fancy. I mean come on! Is there nothing left for an introvert, like me, to do, without going out and partying as a drunk?
The truth is, I just sleep, once I get enough alcohol in me, I don't dance, I don't speak, I just sit there, like I'm stoned. It's no fun at all!
Oh and the title? Yeah, that was just something I thought fit, because I'm writing this on a day where I'm supposed to be at work, but because of travel disruptions (as always, when you're in London) I can't go, so I'm stuck at home, trying to piece together my assignment and waiting for a response from my employer about what I was supposed to do today.
So now I'm sitting here, contemplating whether or not I should have a game on League of Legends first, or work on my assignment...and as I got up to get my robe, because it is too damn cold even with the heating on, I decide, I'll do a little more of my assignment, and then I'll play a game...
You see! That's how sad my life is. I know you'll all probably say, "Get up and go somewhere, a park, a club, shopping, something, instead of sitting here and moping about and complaining!" but my response to you is..."WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING TO GO!!! I live in the middle of nowhere! Yes I may be in the city, but it is a far cry from city life! I live right next to Heathrow, which is where all the action is! Not to mention all that action is beyond security, I can't get past without a boarding card and passport! How the hell am I supposed to have fun there! Also, if I want to get anywhere, I'm going to have to commute! So what is the point!"
Yes that would be my argument, because I pretty much live in the countryside. While it may not be farm-land or the rural areas, it's a suburb where there are no clubs, no night life, and for someone like me, in a society where drinking is an everyday thing, or being loud is a social thing, I don't fit in at all!
Ok, I know this is slowly becoming a rant, but there's very little I can do about that because my 'dark side' has been unleashed and it's attacking me, and that's exactly what this post is doing for me. I don't know how, but it is.
Oh and as a side note...if any of you, who know me, and came from my primary school...GREAT JOB! As I said in a tweet a few weeks ago, you've successfully made a train-wreck of me, all the bad memories and self-loathing from all those years ago, have come to surface, and won't go away...So give yourselves a pat on the back, because yes you've succeeded in making a mess of me, because all the times I'll be crying over pretty much any little thing, I'll be thinking of you, and how you teased me. All the times I'll be angry at myself, I'll be remembering all the secrets you told each other about me. All the times I'll be ashamed of myself and wish I were dead, I'll be reminiscing on the times you backstabbed me because I was that gullible. Yes, gullible.
So the next time you see me and I'm putting on that mask of a smile, know that there is a broken person underneath and it was all because of you. Well done, you should all be given prizes and awards, but unfortunately I don't have any, so you're going to have to make them or buy them yourselves.
It's funny how life can screw you over like that. After seven years together (we were aged 3 - 11 at the time) you'd think they would know to stop harassing me and understand that I'm a sensitive person, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too. Also, it's thanks to them that any source of interest, for me is in books and fantasy novels and, yes, fan-fictions too. That's why I have quite a wide ranged vocabulary. Now I can write all the things that they did to me, but without implicating them.
Oh now that I think about it, it's funny I really should blame them, name and shame them, but because of who I am, and what my beliefs are I won't, because I'd be sinking to their level. The only reprieve I will probably have is that they would feel ashamed of making this mess, of making a monster out of me and they can never fix it because they won't ever see me again. They probably don't even know I have this blog and don't even know that this post is about them. Sure they may stumble across it one day, when they remember me, but I don't think they will. There is probably one in a billion chances that they would find it.
So for now, I will enjoy what freedom I have here on the internet, because they're probably never going to find this. They're probably too busy to even care, and I am so glad for that. I can say "SCREW YOU!" as much as I want and there is nothing they can do about it!
The truth is, I have a lot of free time to do whatever, because of:
- Procrastination
- Lack of friends
- Lack of anything I find interesting
It's as I said before, I'm living a half-life, because there's really nothing interesting anymore, and anything interesting usually involves alcohol or some sort of wild shindig that I don't really fancy. I mean come on! Is there nothing left for an introvert, like me, to do, without going out and partying as a drunk?
The truth is, I just sleep, once I get enough alcohol in me, I don't dance, I don't speak, I just sit there, like I'm stoned. It's no fun at all!
Oh and the title? Yeah, that was just something I thought fit, because I'm writing this on a day where I'm supposed to be at work, but because of travel disruptions (as always, when you're in London) I can't go, so I'm stuck at home, trying to piece together my assignment and waiting for a response from my employer about what I was supposed to do today.
So now I'm sitting here, contemplating whether or not I should have a game on League of Legends first, or work on my assignment...and as I got up to get my robe, because it is too damn cold even with the heating on, I decide, I'll do a little more of my assignment, and then I'll play a game...
You see! That's how sad my life is. I know you'll all probably say, "Get up and go somewhere, a park, a club, shopping, something, instead of sitting here and moping about and complaining!" but my response to you is..."WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING TO GO!!! I live in the middle of nowhere! Yes I may be in the city, but it is a far cry from city life! I live right next to Heathrow, which is where all the action is! Not to mention all that action is beyond security, I can't get past without a boarding card and passport! How the hell am I supposed to have fun there! Also, if I want to get anywhere, I'm going to have to commute! So what is the point!"
Yes that would be my argument, because I pretty much live in the countryside. While it may not be farm-land or the rural areas, it's a suburb where there are no clubs, no night life, and for someone like me, in a society where drinking is an everyday thing, or being loud is a social thing, I don't fit in at all!
Ok, I know this is slowly becoming a rant, but there's very little I can do about that because my 'dark side' has been unleashed and it's attacking me, and that's exactly what this post is doing for me. I don't know how, but it is.
Oh and as a side note...if any of you, who know me, and came from my primary school...GREAT JOB! As I said in a tweet a few weeks ago, you've successfully made a train-wreck of me, all the bad memories and self-loathing from all those years ago, have come to surface, and won't go away...So give yourselves a pat on the back, because yes you've succeeded in making a mess of me, because all the times I'll be crying over pretty much any little thing, I'll be thinking of you, and how you teased me. All the times I'll be angry at myself, I'll be remembering all the secrets you told each other about me. All the times I'll be ashamed of myself and wish I were dead, I'll be reminiscing on the times you backstabbed me because I was that gullible. Yes, gullible.
So the next time you see me and I'm putting on that mask of a smile, know that there is a broken person underneath and it was all because of you. Well done, you should all be given prizes and awards, but unfortunately I don't have any, so you're going to have to make them or buy them yourselves.
It's funny how life can screw you over like that. After seven years together (we were aged 3 - 11 at the time) you'd think they would know to stop harassing me and understand that I'm a sensitive person, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too. Also, it's thanks to them that any source of interest, for me is in books and fantasy novels and, yes, fan-fictions too. That's why I have quite a wide ranged vocabulary. Now I can write all the things that they did to me, but without implicating them.
Oh now that I think about it, it's funny I really should blame them, name and shame them, but because of who I am, and what my beliefs are I won't, because I'd be sinking to their level. The only reprieve I will probably have is that they would feel ashamed of making this mess, of making a monster out of me and they can never fix it because they won't ever see me again. They probably don't even know I have this blog and don't even know that this post is about them. Sure they may stumble across it one day, when they remember me, but I don't think they will. There is probably one in a billion chances that they would find it.
So for now, I will enjoy what freedom I have here on the internet, because they're probably never going to find this. They're probably too busy to even care, and I am so glad for that. I can say "SCREW YOU!" as much as I want and there is nothing they can do about it!
Saturday, 20 October 2012
No Ranting Today...
Hi. I know many of you are probably wondering, she hasn't posted any rants in a while...yeah well I don't have any at all at the moment...so, here's another prayer card for you. It's the prayer for when you're lighting a candle in church, which I have yet to learn...Enjoy. ^^
As always, do with it what you will, and God bless. ^^
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