Have you ever felt as if you're close to something, yet you are still so far from it? Well, that has been me for the past couple weeks, I've been revising for my exams, and not been concentrating on making meaningful posts, so apologies for the late update.
Having said that, my exams are at the beginning of June, (June 4th, 11th, and 17th to be exact) and I will be leaving an institute that I have been in for the past 8 years. EIGHT YEARS!!!! That is pretty much near half my lifetime on this earth so far. Its hallowed halls and sprawling greens are what I have been accustomed to for so long, that I cannot believe that I will be off to a different place, it seems surreal.
While, I feel like it is a new beginning, and I can't wait to get there, it is also an end. I am truly sad to leave a beloved and hated place behind, all my friends have left already, since I retook a year, but regardless of it, the place itself is what I will miss the most. I've known it's buildings like the back of my hand, and I doubt I will forget it any time soon, or its people. It is the place I've grown up in. Gone are the restless dreams of a child, or the longings of a dreamer. In it's place, a determination to find the joy at the end of my long and hard wanderings.
I remember, when I was just starting out here, I was the clumsy, eager little girl who didn't exactly know how to make friends. Granted I was a bit dramatic, and as someone once told me "I should have been an actress", but now, that drama has found a safe place to store itself, in the back of my mind and my career path has found its way to a place close to it.
Eight years, it does seem a long time, yet living it myself, it isn't long at all. Yet I feel as if I will be leaving (as quoted from a song I listened to recently) "The safety of the boat". Long have I been in the arms of the Church (The Catholic Church - and yes I am a devout Catholic) and I do feel safe, but now that my dreams will soon be realized, I've never been able to figure out how to be a Catholic in the wider world. There are so many other people and religions bigger and better than me, and I'm scared I may just lose myself along the way.
But I know in the end He will protect me. I just have to trust him.
So here ends a post that marks the end of a child trying to fit a woman's shoe. The next you hear from me will probably be when I find myself dreading my first day at university, or when I have just taken/will take a driving lesson, or even when I'm on holiday. Who knows, but what I do know is that you will be coming back, to read more of my mind, and I hope what you find is not someone who is distant and far from you. I may be in the same country, or town as you when you read it, and I will be able to feel happiness knowing that you reader, have found a mind similar to yours.
Until next time, God bless (which ever God you believe, and if you do not believe, God bless you anyway, that you may find him in your life) and as always do with this post what you will: show it to friends, read it in isolation, whatever you want.