The End of An Era and Growing Up

Hello everyone!

I'm back! Yeah, it's been a while, but university sort of caught up with me and took up all my time. Oh! Did I mention I also work at Ryman Stationery (not to be mistaken for stationAry). Yeah so work and uni took up all my time and I have not had a single day to myself since the second semester started. But now I'm back! Why?

BECAUSE I'M FINALLY FREE! NO MORE ASSIGNMENTS, NO MORE LECTURES! NO MORE UNI!!!! 

Yes that's right, I'm no longer a university student, and now a fully fledged adult...I say that with no small amount of terror...

Ok, so I'm not completely independent. I still live with my parents, I don't have to pay rent or a mortgage or even bills, but I no longer have to worry about studying and education and well basically schoolwork. What I have to worry about now is finding a job that suits my level of education...which will be a feat in itself...well at least for now I have a few projects lined up, and hopefully they burst me forward in my career. Lord only knows if I succeed.

Anyway, other than that I've finally decided to learn how to cook some easy dishes to feed myself. Yes my mom still cooks meals for dinner and we a lot of leftovers because of them, but she has agreed that once I start learning dishes for myself, she'll ease up on the cooking and let me take over, when I grow a bit more confident in myself.

Now for those of you who actually know me, I've never really cooked for myself, except for breakfasts and basically smoothies and sandwiches. I've never actually had to stand at the stove and cook proper meals for myself, so it was quite daunting when I cooked yesterday my very first chicken bake. I didn't know how it would turn out or if it would taste of anything other than burnt or raw.

So here's what it looked like while I was cooking it...

And here's what it looked like when it was done...

It's a far cry from what I expected it to be...

I got the recipe on Facebook...well actually I got it from Buzzfeed. If you want to try out for yourself, the link is below.

Four Ways to Make Chicken Bake

Anyway. I had expected the cooking to go wrong somewhere, because I've never had to cook anything besides breakfast before, so it was a surreal experience to try something so new. But I managed to do it, and it was quite tasty!

Thank you Buzzfeed!

Ok, so it was easy to make, but hey! I get points for credit anyway! So when I made it, I realised, I'm actually growing up and learning how to be an adult...oh god! I'm an adult now! That is exciting and terrifying at the same time! Is this really what it's like to be an adult! Well, I can't complain, I've got a few more decades to live it through, so hopefully the fates look kindly down on me and don't give me such a hard time!

Well, let me know what you think! Have you ever had that feeling before, when was your first experience at cooking, what was it like? What are your stories? I'd actually like to know.

As always, do with this post what you will! This is FeatherCharm, signing out! God Bless!

Let's Call Him Einstein

Well, this is the very first video of our new gaming channel with a few friends of mine! Hope y'all like it!

Crazy Times And Needs For Free Time

Well, let's start with saying hi guys! It's been real crazy for me for the past few weeks, months...basically since September! I've had to do a presentation, go on several shoots for university projects, write a full 50 pages for a screenplay and then there's my part time work (which I still need to finish training for). It's been really hectic!

So basically I've not had the time for myself anymore! To say the least I actually miss last year. I had more time to myself and I could actually take my time to do my work. Now I have to make sure I have everything done in the time frame I'd set for myself! Well at least I don't need to worry about shooting for my own project, that was done last week. Honestly I am so glad I don't have to worry about my shoot anymore, it's such a relief! I mean, for the weeks leading up to my shoot I was so hell-bent to making sure everything was ready and organised and I am so grateful that my cousin was standing by! If she weren't there I don't know what I would have done.

You see, I've had to work with one particular student who doesn't have the initiative to be active on set. Now the reason I say this is because he's a transfer student and he hasn't actually worked in film proper before. So it's understandable he doesn't know. However, I noticed something that has worsened my opinion of him even more. Over the course of the semester, I've tried to make sure he has everything he needs for his own project, just so he can have something noteworthy, but every time I tried to confront him about it, he'd brush me off. Don't worry, I've let my personal tutor know, and it's not just me who thinks he's (for lack of a better word) a "slacker". Not to mention, the way he speaks to me and some of my peers is rather undermining, and does peeve me off. I mean, my peers and I have done this film course for the past two years, and he'd only just transferred because he thought it would be a good idea (he did a multimedia course before this one). Basically, this is what happened:

It was the night before his film shoot for his project, and I'd asked if he needed any documents printed off, and he simply asked for actors release forms. After that I asked if he needed any other documents printed off. Now at this point, I should tell you, we didn't need to hand in any documents for the assignment, but in any job or any project you do need to have the paperwork, just in case! So when he told me he had nothing since we didn't need to hand in any paperwork, I told him it was up to him, but that it would have been very handy, in terms of organisation. After that he told me to print off what I could, what I thought he needed, and I was rather confused. I had expected for him to have it all filled out, for himself, but he expected me to fill out his documents for him and because it wasn't my shoot, it wasn't MY responsibility. I told him so and hoped he'd actually have some way of making up the documents himself, but he didn't have his laptop with him, since he had to stay over at his location over night to secure it. (Now as an aspiring filmmaker, and one that has had some experience in filmmaking this made me roll my eyes - YOU NEVER LEAVE ANYWHERE, ESPECIALLY FOR A SHOOT WITHOUT YOUR LAPTOP! It just does not happen!) So he had no documents at all and I was trying to convince him to find a way to make them happen, but his reply, his backhanded and oh-so-not-classy reply was "just get some sleep"! EXCUSE ME! ARE YOU MY MOTHER! DO YOU HAVE ANY AUTHORITY TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I don't think so! If someone tells you, you were unprepared for your shoot then DON'T BLAME ME (I was his PA - Production Assistant). I warned you, I tried to tell you! IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF SOMEONE CALLS YOU OUT!

Anyway, on the day of his shoot, we arrived, with all the equipment in tow. Ok, so here's the deal, his crew and I were meant to meet at the university to pick up the equipment and travel together to the location. When I got to the uni, I discovered that he'd been there earlier, to pick up the actors, and it wasn't too far off from when I had to come in and pick up the equipment. His DoP (another female and pretty much my first mate in all this) tried to convince him to wait and stay to help with the equipment, since he was going to take a ride, but he shrugged her off and left! If I were him, I would have stayed, put the equipment in the boot and go to the location with everyone! Or if not, just take the equipment and the crew could travel light! But no, he left without any thought for his crew and we had to drag the equipment onto the train!

Now comes the shoot itself! When we got there, he was already filming, he had a camera for himself and when we set up the second camera, his DoP was made in charge of that camera. I didn't think this was fair on her. She just had to stand there, with the camera while he did everything else! I wanted to slap some sense into him. THE DIRECTOR NEVER TOUCHES THE CAMERA! It just does not happen! It's why they have a Director of Photography! He should have trusted her to do her job, but does he listen? NOPE! Instead, he takes his camera and does every shot that his DoP should have been responsible for. PLUS HE ASKED HIS ACTOR TO HOLD THE CAMERA IN HIS STEAD! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF HE'D USED A TRIPOD IN HIS CASE! 

Not only that, when our sound guy asked if there was any sound check he needed to do, he would tell him it was fine...I don't know about you, but I do know this...SOUND IS IMPORTANT FOR FILMS! If the sound is bad, then the production itself will suffer, because it means that the director nor the crew put any thought into making the actors sound good. It doesn't matter if they look good. If they don't sound good at all then what's the point in having a movie? Yeah ok, silent films, blah, blah, blah...but if the movie is not designed for silent film, then yes sound is very important.

Here comes my point. I was his PA as I said before, and his script supervisor (I make sure there is some continuity), I did my best to make sure everything is according to the script, but when I saw a few potentials for better shots or for certain movements, and suggested them to him, he did not take one single suggestion. He'd brush me off like I was a fly and I felt very much like it. I couldn't stand it. I really just wanted to up and leave. I didn't care if it looked bad, I really should have left halfway through, because there was no way I was going to take anymore of it. However, here comes my OCD. I always finish what I start. Plus it was bad manners. So there was no help for it. I stuck with it until the very end and well, I just hope he got what he wanted, although my guess is it'll be rather amateurish. Oh well it wasn't my problem.

Anyway, that's just one story, there's loads more, and I don't think I want to make such a long post just because of the grievances I have with one student. The truth of the matter is, I was going to write something or other about me not having free time, but I guess that'll wait until Christmas and this semester is over. I'm rather tired so I'll just say, thanks for putting up with this complaint. I'll see you all next time!

As always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless! (And if I don't see you soon Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!)

The Green Residence - A Sims 2 House Build

Hi guys, just testing out a new feature! Didn't think it would work...basically, it's been a while since I advertised my other website. So this is the newest addition to my YouTube channel, and will be for a while yet, since uni has taken over. But this house was a real treat to make...although it destroyed my computer...Anyway, if you want to know more, then check out my website:

Feather's Charm



I'm actually quite proud of this house, it's been a while since I did such a complicated house...but you'll learn all about that when you decide to actually read over why I made this house...you can find the link here:

The Green Residence

Well, that's it for now. See you next time when I'm on a rave again. As always, do with this post what you will! This is FeatherCharm, signing out! God Bless!

Stressing Out And Spiritual Reflections

Right well, first off, I'm currently in the middle of reviewing my fourth draft for my story, in which the first five chapters are all ready and just need a few tweaking. It'll be up soon! I promise! Second, it's October (the perfect time for mystical, magical things to happen - although it's highly impossible for things to happen to me), and the LEAGUE OF LEGENDS WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP tournament is playing throughout the weekend, so get ready for LEAGUE OF LEGENDS SPAMS!!!!  Third I'll be getting a job soon! Actually it's my sister's old job, so I know what sort of things she goes through...most of the time, so expect rants on customers (*secret evil chuckle*). And finally, MY LAST YEAR AT UNIVERSITY IS ALREADY UNDERWAY!!!!!

Ok, so let's start with the story. So over the last few months, I've actually gone into detail about the background of this strange world. In this first novel (Which is taking forever to complete, thanks to both my own obsessive need for sense and the fact that I like it to be perfect) we're walking in the north of the concerned world (I've even drawn a rough map!) and I'm actually creating floor plans of the palaces and homes that my characters step into. It's going to take a while to finish, but at least I know where they're going to go. Anyway, so the main thing I want to speak about for this is that I can actually compare myself to my characters...well at least the main heroines. Basically...if you haven't already guessed, there are Seven...sort of...godlike characters. Basically think of the archangels like Michael, Gabriel, etc, but they're magical. They're not warriors but more like peacekeepers.

Of course, many people think that "peacekeepers" are passive people, they tend to want everyone to love each other, and good to reign and blah, blah, blah. The Great Seven, as they're called, aren't exactly like that. I mean sure they try to stop anyone from fighting, but they know it's never going to happen, since free will means that selfish acts have to happen. However, they will do their best to stop these selfish acts for spiralling out of control. So when their "brothers" decide to take over and force people to do the things they want, they decide to fight back. And when they do get things back on track they just watch over the people that walk their worlds. Oh and because I'm trying to keep things as "scientifically" plausible as possible (like that's not a tongue twister) their worlds, like Earth, will have their natural disasters, which these beings control, if only to test their people and their faith in them. So yeah, that's my definition of "peacekeepers". The Great Seven obviously need to keep the balance. If there is no act of selfishness or evil, then no one will really know what good is. So that's what The Great Seven do to ensure their subjects remember why they try to strive for goodness.

So yeah, that's how they are, roughly, I will be putting up the full detailed background information of the novel(s) up prior to the first novel, so that you guys get a taste of what's going on before you actually read it/them. Anyway, that's what the Great Seven are, and what they do. As for the reason why I compare myself to them, it's because I've realised that I've based them on the seven virtues. They're basically the embodiments of each virtue:

• Earth - Kindness
• Water - Diligence
• Fire - Patience
• Air - Temperance
• Light - Charity
• Night - Chastity
• Fate/Destiny - Humility

I also based their trials on the Seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit (which are explained by the Catechism of the Catholic Church):

• Earth - Knowledge
• Water - Piety
• Fire - Courage
• Air - Counsel (Right Judgement)
• Light - Understanding
• Night - Fear of God (Wonder/Awe)
• Fate/Destiny - Wisdom

Again, I'll explain the reasons for this in the background when I upload it later. As for now, you guys can debate about it amongst yourselves. So yeah, as I was researching about all this, I started comparing my own experiences and reactions to the world to these virtues and gifts, and I've noticed, I basically dip into each one, but I don't fully associate with any of them. It's rather disturbing how little I can associate with them, and I've found myself trying to better myself so that I can actually say, I'm not a bad person. I've realised, as I ponder what I need to do to be better, that it's very easy to fall into the trap of being a "bad" person. I mean sometimes, as I've probably already said, I can literally feel how fragile my body is, like I know that if one wrong moment of exposure could easily destroy my body. It's the same here with my spirituality. I can feel the knife's edge I'm balancing on. I could easily tip one way or the other, and it's rather scary how think this ledge is. Is it just me or does anyone else feel like that too? So yeah, that's the "Spiritual Reflections" part of this post (which I realise now how long it will be).

Now on to the next parts!

Warning! LEAGUE OF LEGENDS SPAM ABOUT TO START! Warning!

As I've said, the League of Legends World Championships are currently on and were' currently into our second week of the Group Stages!!! OMG! I REALLY AM LOVING THIS! I know this championship is going to be oh so woefully one sided, but hey, these people are veterans and they are good at what they do. So what's going on so far? Basically, two groups (out of the four) have two clear winners. First off, in Group A, both Flash Wolves and KOO Tigers have qualified for the Quarterfinals (here in London!) with 4-2 each. In Group C SKT T1 are the clearcut winners with 6-0, with EDG (Edward Gaming) running up at 4-2 (So far). Of course the other two groups can be easily predicted.

Right now, my predictions are, for Group D (who'll be playing tomorrow), Origen and KT Rolster will be qualifying for the Quarterfinals, and for Group B, Cloud 9 and either Invictus Gaming or Fnatic will be their qualifiers. So those are my predictions, but they can change throughout the course of the next two days, since their matches are on during the weekend. If you want to see the progress of my mentality then follow me on Twitter: Vanessa Rocha. 

Anyway, preceding the Worlds Championship...this has been long in the making, but as you all know I play League of Legends with a few of my film production buddies. Well, over the summer we've decided to actually set up a YouTube channel of our own (yes there are many who've already established their names in gaming and whatnots) but this channel will be very different. Yes we'll have VODS of our games and gameplay, but we're not going to put our film production skills to waste. We're also going to add actual short films and series (that have been made) with our filming expertise, but that's going to be way into the future, when we have a solid idea for our channel.

So yes, I have been a busy girl over the summer. THANK YOU DEPRESSION! As you all know I've had my major ups and downs during the summer, so in my need to not get so down, I've kept myself busy! It's something to help me cope. I acknowledge how down I can get, but I don't want it to ruin my life so I keep busy!

But yes. We'll be uploading our first videos soon, so look out for the new content. I'll be posting them up on my "official" website and here soon. SO WATCH OUT!!!

Back to our regular scheduled programming...

Alright so that's done, let's talk about this new job. So basically for a long time I've been trying to get a job, albeit half-heartedly, because I'm already in university, and in my last year, so I really need to start taking responsibility. Originally I was going to try to find something related to media or film, but because most of that need experience, which I woefully lack, I've resorted into trying to find whatever  job I can get. But thankfully, my sister has helped me get my foot in the door. So, some perspective. She currently works at Ryman (a stationary store here in London) and because she's gotten tired of her work, plus she's going back to uni (and her course is a bitch!), she's quitting. But because the store she works for is woefully understaffed, she's suggested me as her replacement. So...I'VE GOT A JOB!!! Granted I have to go in for an interview early tomorrow, but it's just formality because her manager really does need people to help out, so I'm guaranteed to get the job!

And finally, for the main part of this post...I am in my last year of university, it started around three weeks ago...AND I'M ALREADY FREAKING OUT!!!! I have so many assignments to complete! Ok, so here's what I have to do:

• A Script Analysis
• A Treatment for said analysis
• A Storyboard
• A Storyboard Edit (with Voiceover, SFX and Music)
• A PowerPoint Presentation about a social issue surround film representation
• A Treatment and 15 pages for my own 50minute script

And for some of them I will need to include a critical analysis...just to show my own reflection on what I did...I CAN'T DO THIS!!!

First off, the first four are for one module...You know how when you think film production, you immediately turn to "director"...well that was me before I took up this degree. I thought that maybe, if I was ambitious enough, I'd be able to call myself a director...but I am so naive! That path is definitely not for me, and this module proves it!!! I can not be a director, because I don't like the idea of having that power and responsibility! It's too much work for me! I know there are many women out there who think "No you can do this! We are women, make us proud!"...Yeah, I'm all for that...But my own personality is not the type that will withstand that pressure!

The PowerPoint Presentation is another thing I hate! I really hate standing in front of an audience and speaking! I hate it! I hate it with a passion!!! I had hoped that I wouldn't have to do it, but no! IT'S AN ACTUAL ASSIGNMENT!!!! Just kill me now!

As for the last one, I'm good with that, I actually don't mind. I'm already almost done with the treatment, and I'll be soon starting on the 15 pages. I'm glad I chose this option of the Project module. That, I'm happy about. But still, it's a lot of pressure! I've got a lot of writing, rehearsing, and socialising I need to do. I mean I have like 3 more weeks before things start to need to be handed in and it's so stressful!!! I really need to buckle down and work soon. It's going to be a lot of work!!! I HATE THIS SEMESTER!!!! SOMEONE KILL ME! ><

Anyway, that's it (sorry for the long post) and I'll see you all next time. As always, do with this post what you will! This is FeatherCharm, signing out! God Bless!

Phantom Therapists and Fanciful Daydreams

Hello everyone!

It's been a while, namely because I'm working on my story, I've been editing and re-editing it, it's almost unrecognisable. Anyway, the point of this post is my personal therapy. No I'm not seeing a therapist (although I really should) but I somehow I found something really revealing about myself.

Alright so here goes my revelation. First I started talking about why I love Labyrinth, and the truth is, I really don't know why. I mean the acting was bad (granted Connolly was only a child - STILL LOVE YOU JEN!) and the puppetry was really creepy, not to mention there really was no point in the whole song and dance numbers they randomly put into the film, but there was something about it that I really love. That something was the romance, the meanings and the silent puzzles you had to piece together to see the picture. For example, the constant reminder that "things are not always what they seem" is a profound message, one that applies to all aspects of life, like the fact that when I smile, it's to cover my sadness. I really am sad, for reasons unbeknownst to me I am sad.

And here we go on that tangent. Recently, my parents have been going through our old home videos, because they're converting it to digital files, since the film reels themselves are getting old and worn, so we've been watching them. Anyway, as I was watching myself, I realised although I was happy and oblivious, so many bad things were going on around me, not just around me but to me, and I was not aware of it at the time. Of course, I'm not going to tell you the details of each and every one, nor am I going to tell you what they were, but after thinking things through I've realised, my sadness is due to all of that. It's why I'm pretty much a hermit now. 

Another tangent, let's go! I mean, if I think about it, I never go out without a reason, and I always use mom and dad as an excuse to stay home, I'd rather sit here with my laptop and write whatever comes to mind because no one really responds to me. In fact, no one responds to any of my posts, so I'm not really afraid of putting down what I think (except for that one time, but I won't say any more about that). In reality the Internet is my saviour. I can write down everything that's bothering me, and then show it to the people I want to show them to. I mean, it's easier than trying to articulate it out loud. I have time to think about it, I have time to not be irrational (sometimes I can be and I'm willing to admit that, but in general I am rational), and I don't mess up the words I want to say.

It's like Meg says in Hercules "It's better to be alone than to get hurt" and it's true! That quote is literally my motto. I can't stress enough how much that quote applies to me. I'd rather be alone than be judged. When I was looking through those home videos, I found one recurring aspect of me that I really hated, that was my hyperactivity and the fact that my voice was so shrill. I can't do anything about my voice, but I am doing something about that hyperactivity. It's the reason why I get embarrassed easily! I've been embarrassed many times that I literally feel the pain when I or other people get embarrassed. Literally! Even the slightest inclination of embarrassment physically hurts me. Take Friends for example, there are many points in every episode, where I have to run screaming from the room because I can't handle the embarrassment. It's like watching horror films, I have to shut my eyes and block my ears from it! It's unbearable! I am literally afraid of being embarrassed because I know what it feels like to be judged, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THESE EXPERIENCES!

The only time I feel like I'm not being judged is when I'm with my friends (my true friends - the ones that actually make me feel safe to be me, the ones that actually make me feel like I'm not being judged). Although we don't always have everything in common, it's always interesting to hear their stories and share some of my own. When I'm with them I feel like I don't have to keep putting up a front! However, I can't hang out with them as much as I like, because they've all got other things going on, and we don't have ready access to one another, and that's where my loneliness comes in, and my introversion and the fact that I'd rather stay at home.

Basically, all I really want is someone to talk to. Not someone to listen to. You don't know how many times I've felt like a fish out of water because I don't know what to say to the people I'm with. I'm usually the listener, and I never get a word out, because if I do, I know I'll kill the mood, and I don't want that to happen. So I have to keep all this (yes this whole post) bottled up inside. I quite literally have no one to say all this to, and the only way the people I know can understand all this, is through here...THE INTERNET! I mean, there's no normal conversation I can have with them that gets me to open up like this! Most of the time when they do come up, I don't say the words I want to say, so in the end I'm left still bursting at the seams! It's frustrating and heartbreaking, because I can't say it! It's the hardest thing I have to do! In the end I can only hope they read this because it's is my feelings, the ones no one listens to because they'd rather stay away from it. In fact, I end up staying away from it because I don't want to burden them with it, and it's heartbreaking for me because they won't listen.

So yes, this is my message to those of you who actually know me and are reading this thing. I know it's long but I've had these feelings for years, and that's just the simplified version of it! There are so many things in my heart that makes me want to cry, but like every strong person, I grin and bear it, because there's no other way for me to cope. So the next time you see me, or the next time you talk to me, please don't make me feel like I'm being judged, otherwise, you won't get to see the real me, because yes, I've been fronting for all of my conscious life, and I can see no way of ever taking off that mask, unless I feel safe, because frankly, I don't feel safe, at all. Although I seem like an open book, I'm quite closed, and I just need that hand to help me open.

Sorry it's a long one, but hey like I said, this is my therapy, and it's an equivalent to what...thirty minutes? so yeah...

That's it, this is Feather signing out! I'll see you all again soon. God bless!

The Bane of Technology

Ok, so here's a new rant. Basically I pretty much virtually live on my laptop (which is a Macbook Pro - I have a love/hate relationship with it). Now with my current lifestyle, I can readily access everything on my laptop, except when it gets all funny with me and decides not to work for me anymore. Today (which is Sunday 19th July 2015) I encountered so many problems with my Macbook that I had had enough and decided to restore its factory settings.

It's a pain, I know, but it worked. The issue that I was mainly encountering was resolved and now I can use the Macbook in peace...however, that's not half the problem. After resetting everything, and re-downloading all the applications and documents I once owned, I had problems with the hard drive I saved all my files on...you see, I needed to log onto a certain app to gain access to the sheet music I'd been working on (yes you'll be hearing more from me soon), and all my passwords had been saved onto that hard drive. Unfortunately my Macbook froze on me so I had to restart EVERYTHING, but that's not the problem. You see when I restarted everything, I guess during that process the hard drive said "You know what, screw it. I'm gonna screw you over, because I am too old for this s**t" (I don't swear), and all the documents, spreadsheets and basically anything to do with everything in my virtual life was ERASED! Granted I could have tried to get them back, but they were in code or something - I had to open up terminal to reset the programmes and whatnots but I'm not that computer savvy to figure it out. Anyway, so I had to basically delete the mumbo jumbo that my hard drive threw in my face, and pretty much re-create everything. Now because it's late (when I wrote this post) and my dad's using the main computer, I can't really re-download everything, so I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF A PAIN THAT IS!!!

Oh and I forgot to mention, because I restarted my Mac, I had to re-download the Microsoft Office programmes I once had on it. The only problem is it needs a product activation key to actually activate it. Now that's not the only problem I had, you see the product key I have is apparently "not valid" and I scoured the Microsoft website only to find that the reason why it's not valid is because the servers are down...well isn't that peachy...WHAT THE F**K IS THIS!!!! I need my Microsoft Word, Excel and whatever else I use to get this blog going!!! I am so not in the mood for this! No Microsoft, get your S**T together and let me use your products! I paid good money for it! I am not about to let you ruin the one constant in my electronic life just because you lot couldn't keep your cool!

Ugh...besides that...I finally have Final Cut Pro up and working again, and not using up the entire space of my Mac's flash drive (no thank you Apple), and now I can work on this second video that I've been trying to get done for the past week. I think I've found out the best way to record this video, because there is no way I'm going through 4 hours of making a house only to find the recordings incompatible with Final Cut Pro/Sony Vegas. All of this mechanical malfunction is giving me a migraine! so that's it...I'm not going to say any more, because if I do, I probably will end up a sobbing mess wondering what I'm going to do with my life.

So in ol' Feather Charm style. This is Feather Charm signing out!

Revival of Updates Abducted Whatnots

Hello everyone! (Oh god! Feather's invaded!) Anyway, so, I've found a new purpose for this blog. Yes there may be some traffic from Feather's website, but this blog will basically be the little diary I started it out to be. I think that would be best, that way, I won't have to overload Feather with all this negativity, because right now, I do feel a little bit negative.

Anyway...so there's been a lot of development since I moved to Feather's Charm. First, there's just so many things to modify on that website, this blog is really simple and I prefer it to that one! It's so simple! Second, I've started so many projects that I literally have no time for myself, but I guess that's a good thing, because if I did have a lot of time to myself, I'd probably get depressed and angry at myself for not doing anything with my life. Seriously that happens.

So what happened with this website? Well, don't get me wrong, it's just a lot of stuff goes on there, that I'm starting to go insane! So many things to add, to change, to remove, it's crazy! I'd love to just stick with this blog, but I kinda want that structure WordPress has (no offence Blogger) it's just so easy to use, plus I discover more every week, when I work for the Codpast! It's awesome! So, I'm sorry but I'll be sticking with that website.

As for the projects stuff, well...for those of you who've stuck with me all these years I'm grateful, but if you're just getting here now, be grateful you didn't have to go through the phases I went through to get to this point. Ok, so, a little background. Last year, I found myself getting depressed so much so I couldn't stop crying for nearly three days. I was so bummed out that I didn't have a boyfriend and everyone else around me did, and that's why I'm working hard to keep myself busy. I don't ever want to feel like that ever again, so I've pushed it to the back of my mind, and I'm doing everything I can to  ignore it. Although, I know many of you will think that it's not a good thing. But that's the thing. If I don't ignore it, I'll be the crybaby I don't ever want to be...ok, let me ask you this, would you rather a friend who is strong and keeps on with life, or someone who constantly relies on you for comfort? I'd rather be strong!

So what projects have I got? Well there's the website (which is great, but also a nightmare). I've got several YouTube channels lined up for myself, but I might quit a few of them, because of reasons (which I will not discuss here)...OH! I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT MY STORY!!!! Yes that is still going on, and no I will not be sharing it on Feather's Charm. I think, I'll stick with my roots, and stick it up here! You know, it all started here, it will end here...well, I won't say end, but...you guys know. You all know me! Anyway...Yes I'm still working on that novel, but it's taking longer than usual because of what I've got lined up for my life basically. Oh and I've actually started a scrapbook! Yes a scrapbook...just because!

I haven't quite finished decorating it yet, but I will...I like how the map is behind the book...because it is a scrapbook of all the stuff I got when I was out of the country. I started it when I went to Prague, because I thought, since my sister isn't using her scrapbook, I might as well set an example (although she does have time to draw...which she could do in her one if she wanted)...but I highly doubt she'll follow it, so oh well. It's my personal project. I don't care!

So, that's it. I'll see you lot later!

I'd Rather Be Deluded Than Cynical

Hello Everyone,

So it’s been a while since I’d written a post that didn’t involve The Music Corner. The reason I’m writing this post, is because I was inspired. For the last few months I’ve been reading a few fiction books. They’re somewhat religious as they’re based on the angels. The books are part of an on-going series called The Chronicles of Brothers by Wendy Alec.

First off, these books are awesome! I know there are many mistakes both in terms of its grammar and spelling but despite that I still like them. It’s both the religious and the fantasy aspects of the book that appeal to me. Of course, it makes sense since I’m Catholic and quite vocal about (here at least) and I do love the idea of magic and fantasy.

So what does this have to do with being cynical? Well, when I finished the last book A Pale Horse, I started arguing with myself. Yes I do that! Anyway, I began to do this because I was looking at reviews, and I stumbled upon a very negative one about Ms Alec and her books, and it got me thinking…what if I met someone like that, someone who would hate something because it doesn’t sit right with them? What if they started to give me all these reasons and such, how would I deal with that? Soon I started thinking up scenarios, and that’s when I began arguing with myself to the point where I eventually called myself deluded.

Now this is where the title of this post comes in. So I thought about this question for a while, and then I decided to say, “I’d rather be deluded than cynical.” Why? Simple. I’d rather be deluded than cynical because it gives me hope. It inspires me to try to make the world a better place without being so negative all the time. I understand people think that you can still make the world a better place, even though you are cynical, but doesn’t that mean you’re deluded too? I mean if you think you can make the world a better place, it makes you dream of how you could do it, without actually having done it yet. Doesn’t that mean you’re deluding yourself as well?

So I ask you, would you rather be deluded than cynical? Would you rather see the world negatively or positively? I mean, what would being cynical do for you? Why would you complain over every positive thing that someone else has done because you don’t see it that way? Why would it be so bad to allow people to believe in such things as God and an afterlife? Wouldn’t it be better if they did, because it gives them something to look forward to? We wouldn’t fear death as much because of it, and people would be less angry at each other.

That’s why I believe it is better to be deluded, because at least I have some form of hope. I believe in God and in Jesus because it is my way of saying, I’m not afraid. Yes I may be afraid of living, but I’m not afraid of death, and in the words of the famous child who never grew up, “Death would be an awfully big adventure.”

Well, that’s it. Have fun, and as always do with this post what you will, and I’ll see you soon. God Bless. ^^

The Music Corner Episode 4 - The Doll In A Music Box

Hello everyone,

So the title of this piece came from the first time I heard what I’d created. It reminded me of a music box theme, and I sort of went with it. Of course now it reminds me of one of Mozart’s many complicated songs, and I’m not going to lie when I say that classical music inspired this piece too. I simply remembered the things I had to play to discover I was Grade 5 four years ago, so this is basically it.

So without further ado, here's The Doll In A Music Box.

Oh and if you want to check out the WordPress page, where I've also uploaded the score, and the ScoreCloud version (no I did not spell SoundCloud wrong) then click here.

Well, here’s the piece. What do you think of it?

The Doll In A Music Box - SoundCloud

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below, and I’ll speak to you soon. As always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless. ^^

To Fear The Loss Of Faith

Hello Everyone,

So this is the continuation of the last post The Story Of A Candle. First off what made me decide to make something like that? Well not only am I in a rut with my own novel, I recently read this article and it made me begin to think:

I was 25 when I had my first kiss. Here's what I learned. 

At first I was tormenting myself over this article, basically feeling sorry for myself, and that’s when my thoughts turned a little darker. I began to think about the “what ifs” in my life, like “what if somewhere along the way, I lose my own faith?” or “what if no one will listen?” Thus “The Story Of A Candle” was born.

There are moments in my life where I realise I’ve been through that situation, where I almost lose faith, but then something amazing happens to restore it. So although my candle is still a little weak, it’s getting stronger. I have been knocked around a bit, in terms of my faith, but I’ve learned that going to church and having my quiet time with God refreshes me, it restores the faith that I have lost.

Ok, so that’s just a little summary of what I’m about to say, but stay with me, it’ll all make sense, that is…if you’ve got a religion you believe in.

So let’s start from the beginning. What you need to know is that I was pretty much raised as a Catholic, my parents went to church every Sunday; I went to Catholic primary and secondary schools, and I took part in all the initiation sacraments of the Catholic Church. Basically, I’ve led a sheltered Catholic lifestyle. That is not to say I’ve not learned a thing or two while I’ve grown up. In my schools we weren’t just dictated the bible and punished as you’d think. We were also taught little bits and pieces of other religions like Buddhism, Islam, Sikhism, Judaism, etc. So I’m not that ignorant, and I am fully aware that each religion have their own traditions and principles that I respect.

Now skip forward to Sixth Form (the equivalent to college or the last few years of high school for some of you), where I’m thinking about university and what I want to do in the future. The idea that I’d be in a world, where people don’t quite understand my views on the world, or the views of the Catholic Church, finally hit me. I would no longer be sheltered as much, by the Catholic Church, or by any sort of spiritual guide, and that thought scared me the most. It didn’t matter if I was going into a new environment. It didn’t matter that I’d finally be in a “co-ed” environment. It didn’t matter that I was going into UNIVERSITY to get a DEGREE. What scared me most was the fact that my own faith would be shaken just because there would be people who do not understand (or like for that matter) the fact that I am a Catholic.

I don’t understand why they hold such animosity for us. I mean I know there are a many deeds in the history of Catholicism that I’m not proud of, but they have to understand that we’re also human, we’re not gods. I’ve used this quote many times before, and I have a feeling I’m going to use it many times more in the future, but I believe everyone needs to remember this:

“Religion is flawed on because man is flawed, all man!”

It is very easy to fault the religion itself because of the people that have influenced it, but at its core, religion is about faith and the belief that there is something more to our lives than simply being on this Earth. I mean, my faith has led me in many of my decisions. For example, my novel, the music I write/arrange/compose, the TV programmes and movies I watch, etc.

My faith has gone so far as to give meaning to everything I do. That is how I came to this subject while reading that article above. I always have to have meaning in everything, even in the names of each character of my novel have meaning. I always put some sort of meaning to whatever I do because without meaning, I don’t think we could function. For example, every movie has a meaning, if not explicit, it’s implicit, words have meaning, even paintings have some sort of meaning. This is why I’m actually glad I’m Catholic. It gives meaning to whatever happens to me.

Anyway, regardless of what has happened to me for the past two years, I am still glad I’m Catholic. I won’t fault others for believing what they believe in. If you don’t believe in a god, or a higher being, that’s up to you. If you think there’s meaning in life, and your purpose will eventually show itself, it’s your choice, but there is one thing you must remember. Do not be too aggressive in your conviction. If you try to convert me, know that I will listen to your point of view, but I will always believe that I will flourish under the Catholic religion. Everyone has their own way of worship; this is mine.

Well, that’s it for now; I know it’s a bit of a rant and a bit long but I hope you understand that it’s something I’ve been wanting to say for a long time. I know I’ve said it before, but I feel like repeating it, because it is not just something that can be put out there and then archived, it’s something that needs to be remembered.

So do with this post what you will, and God Bless! ^^

“Religion is flawed on because man is flawed, all man!”

The Story Of A Candle

Hello everyone,

So this post is going to be a bit different. It’s actually a prelude to a much more intense post. It’s actually veering away from the whole “encounter with Christ” sort of posts I’ve been posting up lately. Anyway, I’ll explain it later, for now, enjoy the story:

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Her world was bleak, dark, and very much lonely. One day, she stumbled along a candle, standing in the middle of a deserted street. Feeling brave, she went up to it and using the matches in her pocket, she lit it.

When the wick burned brightly, her whole world changed. Gone were the looming shadows and scary monsters. In all honesty, the candle itself was very beautiful and because of its simple beauty, she wanted to show the whole world. So she set out to find the people who would like to see the candle too.

On her way, she did her very best to protect the candle, hiding it from the rain, the wind, the snow and sleet, the sun and moon too. Through it all, the candle burned brightly, and when she finally made it to a crowed part of town, she breathed a sigh of relief. She’d be able to show off her candle very soon.

As she traversed the many bodies, she learned one very important thing. The only thing that could blow out her pretty candle, were other humans. Squeezing past many people, she encountered many who wanted to blow out her flame, and so in her desperation she ran. She ran as fast as she could, away from the people who wanted to blow out the only light in her bleak world.

When she’d made it to safety, she breathed another sigh of relief and checked on her precious candle. She gasped in surprise as she gazed at the now weak flame. Through her rush to get away from the people who wanted to stop the light, the flame itself was almost blown away. Desperate she tried to keep the light going once more…

Can you guess what I’m talking about? Well, you’re going to have to wait, because next week, I will be posting up the reason for this short story. For now why don’t you come up with your own ending? Does the candle come back to life? Does the little girl get to show others her pretty candle? Or does the flame go out? Will the girl be plunged back into the darkness and misery?

Well, as always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless! ^^

The Music Corner Episode 2 - Shine, Jesus, Shine

Hello everyone,

Well, if you've been keeping up with my WordPress blog, I've made a Music Corner where I will be showcasing all these new arrangements. It's been a wild ride over the last week, what with my university assignments, making a social media page for these blogs, etc...so many things!  

So this week's music arrangement is Shine, Jesus, Shine, as requested by none other than...my mom! And no I don't mean that sarcastically. Actually my own faith was inspired by her. Yes she may be a hard woman, but regardless of all that, she does love me and if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be as happy as I am today. That's why I'm dedicating it to her. This one's for you mom!

So without further ado, I give you Shine, Jesus, Shine.

Shine, Jesus, Shine - Soundcloud

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below, and I’ll speak to you soon. As always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless. ^^