Update Time - A Hiatus

Ok I've been thinking, and I think 30 chapters is a bit too much, especially when each chapter is around 15 pages long. So I've lowered it to 20-25 chapters, to make it easier. As for the title of this post, well that's coming up.

First let me just say, I've pretty much been working on this story non-stop and it's been driving me insane. I literally want to strangle it, stab it several times and hang it. That's how bad I've fallen. So I'm going to have to take a hiatus for the rest of the week...that's not to say I'm going to stop completely, because it's just going to mess it all up, but I will be writing less than I usually do, since I'm already on chapter 14. Yes! I'm on Chapter 14! I'm so proud of myself.

So yes, I'll work on it less, because I might just end up crying every night because this story is getting under my skin. I will get back on track next week, because I would like to post up the story soon, hopefully before the peak of summer, otherwise, before uni starts up again.

Ok so what brought this on? Well I've been really down and out when it comes to relationships and I needed a break, because this story is basically based on a relationship. I had a girl's day out today, with my cousin, so I thank her for helping me distract myself. We had a really good, long talk and I've tried to come to terms with my depression, but it still lingers, and I may have a good cry tonight, but that's ok. We did a little shopping, and I actually cannot believe this but the HMV store in the high street we went to, had something I did not expect. I almost cried because it was something that I completely love!!!

Perhaps I can explain it with this:

Plot: When an innocent wish accidentally comes true, Sarah has to traverse a dangerous and trying Labyrinth to get to the centre, inside the Castle Beyond The Goblin City. Stuck in fairytales and fantasy she has to learn the hard way that not everything is not as it seems, and starts to truly feels sorry for wishing her half brother away. Meanwhile the Goblin King, Jareth, is having a ball watching the young teenager fighting him at every turn, and making friends of his subjects.

Did you guess it?

Yes I found the DVD to LABYRINTH!

I was so overwhelmed that I still can't believe I have it! The instant I got home I watched it! That's how bad it was! I was so happy.

Anyway, as you all know I have an obsession with Labyrinth and this story is loosely based on it, so I'll be re-watching it constantly to feed my imagination and belief in fairytale. And as proof here are images, taken from my phone, the instant I had the chance. If you want to know why I love this film, read it in my review:

Fairytales, Dreams and Peaches

I'll end it there, so as always do with this post what you will, and God Bless! ^^

Update Time - A Chapter A Day

Well, I've finished the first third of my story to say the least. I'm already on chapter 12 and it is coming along quite nicely. Although I'm still iffy about one thing or other, maybe when I get my reviews I'll be able to clear up some of the mess I've made. When I do eventually post up this story, I hope it does make sense, because the people I've sent the story to kind of have the same mindset as me, so they'll understand, but as for the public...I'm not so sure, so please, when I do post this story up, comment any review that you feel necessary, and I promise I'll edit appropriately.

You know what? I think this story is doing more good than harm. Yes more GOOD than HARM. I think it's because it's actually helping me come to terms with my demons (yes you all know what those are...if you've been reading my posts). Looking back, I was really depressed on Saturday because I saw my cousins with their partners, and I didn't have one. I was so down that I could even function socially, and I demanded my cousin's company, just to vent out my frustrations. However just after we had arranged the details of our outing, I took to my laptop and began writing furiously, as sudden inspiration hit me, I wrote for nearly three chapters straight. When that streak finally ended, I found myself in a bizarre sense of serenity, like the melancholy of the past year just floated away. Granted that happened every time I did feel the sudden dip in mood, but not quite as fulfilling as that one. I actually came to terms with it, and although I know it will be back, and I am still not happy, it doesn't mean I'm completely depressed. Instead I just feel like I don't care anymore, and that whatever everyone else has told me will come true (maybe not any time soon, but one day).

It's also helped me in other ways. You see, I think the reason I've not ever had a boyfriend, or even my first kiss was because I was still holding out for my first crush, which actually ended like three years after I no longer saw him every day, and I found there were much "bigger" and better fish out in the sea. However a small part of me still wanted to see what it would be like if I saw him again, that is, before I started this story. As I wrote the last few chapters that I had been working on last week, I realised, that I would probably never see him again, and most likely not, even in the slightest, ever want to be with him. I've seen bits and pieces of his life, don't get me wrong, I've looked him up on Facebook once or twice, just to see if he had changed or not, and suffice to say I no longer have any feelings towards him. I'd take a look at his picture and say "Really? I fancied that?" and I am relieved, to say the least.

So in the last few days I have, with the help of some oldies music and some venting through song, continued to write my feelings into the story, and now I have let go. I am free, and no longer burdened by the crushing defeat I had when I was but seven years old (that was when I had indirectly confessed my crush and was rejected). I can honestly say I have moved on, and now all I can do and will do is wait for that one person who will honestly make me feel like I am special, like I have a purpose and that I do make him happy.

Anyway that's it for now, this was more of a confession than an update, because well there was really nothing I had going in terms of the update, so this confession would have to suffice. So as always: do with this post what you will and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - I Really Work Fast

Ok so yes I think these updates will be daily. First off I have been working very hard on this project and I am completely convinced I will be able to finish it soon. I am already on chapter 10 that's why.

After my inspiration burn out I think chapter 9 and 10 will just be fillers until the next plot change. they will be a bit shorter than the others I've done. These chapters are dragging now, because I need to wait until the plot twist, so I'm sorry if they aren't quite as fun as the others. You'll understand when you read.

While writing for chapter 10 I was very tempted to include something that would probably make my parents blush, because, as I mentioned in the page for this story, this story is largely based on one of the many fan fictions I have come to love, and well thanks to fan fiction my innocence is ruined, maybe not physically, but in other ways.

So summary of what inspired me to write these chapters:

In chapter 8 there was something that was really disturbing for my characters so chapter 9 was a segue into the next set of normalcy. I was inspired by one of the situations in "Of Dreams And Broken Things" and although it isn't quite as intense as Jareth and Sarah's opening up, I dreamed myself into the role. When you read it you'll understand what I mean, because Kaylin's situation isn't as bad as Sarah's in this fiction.

Now chapter 10 it's going to be just a filler, until the main action in the next few chapters. So I'm sorry if it seems very drab, but I kinda need it to prove that the next few actions are linked, so pay attention when you read it.

Just a little bit about chapter 11. It's going to be another fill because I just realised that chapter 10 has had a bit of a twist, so this chapter will be the filler, because the time difference between the chapters are quite short - they usually last between a few days and the week, so perhaps in this chapter the next week will fly by, perhaps not. It's a work in progress.

As always please do with this post what you will and God Bless. ^^

Update Time - I Know, I'm Sorry

Ok I know I only uploaded an update a few hours ago but this needs to be said. Through all my self-pity and self loathing, I actually wrote loads for my story. Granted I was a little reluctant at first, and I really didn't want to drag myself through that mud, but I did anyway. What I did was purely and utterly amazing...in my opinion. I created a whole new angle for my story, and I actually understand the mindset of one of my characters. Although I know later on I will be very cruel to him, but it's something that needs to be done.

Anyway, so in the last two days I've written, pretty much two chapters, and going by the rate I've been writing, I probably will be done in the next month, and hopefully will be starting the second book soon after. Gosh I am on a roll this summer. And to add to the mix, I get to bring my laptop on holiday so I can continue writing. My parents didn't have to but they did anyway, and I am so grateful!

So what happened to get me this excited about these last two chapters? Well, as I said before, I was really wallowing in self-pity and I really didn't want to continue, in fact I was debating whether or not to stop, but I knew I had made a promise, and I will keep to it. So I tuned myself out of the real world and immersed myself in the world of Denÿce, and become one of my characters, when it suits me. In this instant I was someone I never expected to be, and as a third party, it was a refreshing view on things.

Looking back on these chapters now, you probably will be able to see what I mean: I dragged out the story because I couldn't be bothered to carry on, but then a stroke of genius just happened and this was the result. You'll probably understand when you read it. Anyway, sorry for the random post, but yes, I had to put it out there. Although my self-pity hasn't completely gone away, and I have a suspicious thought that it will creep up on me again when I'm completely unawares, but that probably won't be in a long time, I've thrown it a bone and hopefully it doesn't swallow it until the story is done.

You know just a few hours ago I just wanted to strangle this story and demand it finish itself, but that would just be impossible.

As always, please do with this post what you will. God Bless! ^^

Update Time - Emotional Outpouring

I think these updates will be coming daily, if not weekly, since I've already moved onto another chapter, and I'll get this done before I even know it. Anyway, the truth is I might take a break for a while this week. The emotions I feel when writing are becoming more cumbersome than helping.

In a previous rant, I basically poured out my deepest secret: I am still without a relationship, that is to say, I've never dated a guy, I'v never even kissed one let alone been in a relationship with one. And writing this story is just bringing all those insecurities back.

True I did say I would wait for "Mr Right" and yes everyone around me keeps saying I'm still young and that "Mr Right" is only around the corner somewhere, but I just don't feel it. While I may waiting, I am getting impatient. Yes I'm Catholic and I pride myself for staying that way and remaining with my faith, but just seeing my cousins and friends in relationships and being constantly surrounded by them, I just get a sad, and I start to wallow in my self-pity and self-loathing, because I have never been like them and I don't understand at all what they're going through. And when they break up with each other, and I try to comfort them, I can't because I've never known such heartache...Well yes I have, but that was because I was a kid and had a crush on one of the boys in my class and he rejected me, but as I said, we were kids, so we didn't know any better.

Anyway, what has this to do with my story, pretty much everything. The name I came up with for the main male character is actually the name I've given to my fantasy, because if I gave a real name, I may just use it to think of the celebrity with that same name. The next thing is that I've now paired him up with the girl character, and that makes things even harder for me, because, in my head that would be cheating, and yes I may occasionally put myself in her shoes, but that's only to think of the next part of the story, I don't literally put them in because I am her, although I wish I was.

Another reason why I'm getting so glum, is because my story is basically a romance novel. Yes it's a little graphic, thanks to the many fan-fictions I've read, but the truth is even my imagination has a lover, and still my physical self has none. I really feel like life is unfair, because of it. I just feel so devoid of any real connection with anyone, because I live in my dreams. So perhaps I might take a break this week, just because I just can't handle the occasional self-loathing that comes with this novel. Not only that I just feel like, every time I open this laptop and start writing, I want to throw it against a wall and smash it to bits, but it's a new macbook pro and I won't because I'd get killed by my parents if I did. Plus I can't leave this story undone, like so many. I promised everyone I'd finish it.

So perhaps I'll just take a day off one of these days, just so that I can gather the pieces of my broken heart and try to fix it with three year old super glue and broken bits of tape, not to mention gum. Yes this post is a little deep, but that's exactly how I feel.

You know over the last few weeks I've had a saying stuck in my head: "Those with the brightest smile are the saddest" I'm not quite sure that quite fits the bill, but looking at my emotional state, I think it does. While I've not had the worst childhood, or had the worst situation, emotionally yes, I have, because I've been lonely for the past decade or so of my conscious life. I've noticed so many people drifting farther away from me because they've found the one they want to be with, while I'm still stuck in that gaping hole with no way out. So yes I probably do need a break and I will resume it as soon as I can.

For now, I'm sorry you've all had to put up with my sorry excuse for a post, it's just I haven't been writing in my journal lately, because there aren't enough pages to write these emotions down, and to be honest, typing is faster.

As always please do with this post what you will, and may God Bless. May he make your days brighter than mine, and show you whatever path you are to take.