Ok, so hey! No I'm not a different person, I just wanted everything to be in one place so I don't have to keep logging out and logging back in again, just to write these posts and be on blogger at the same time. This is still Feather Charm, but on a different account so yeah...
Anyway, what is this thing about? Well, I've just recently discovered I'm pretty much backwards, because I'm not really keeping up with everything. I mean, I haven't been on League of Legends for a while, why? Because I keep travelling and working on my blog, I don't have enough time to just play! I know it's all my fault really, but the thing is, I'd rather be out of tune with the world and be in tune with me. There are a lot of things happening in my life: my cousin's graduation, the upcoming League of Legends World Championship Series (that's happening in September...I think...the reason why it's in my life is because I want to watch it), and my last year of university is coming up soon too. I have so many things that's going on, I don't know where to look...so what do I do? I immerse myself in my blog and website, because it's the only way I can cope.
I'm not joking, most of my days now are spent just editing posts, making pages and making new content for the website. I know I should really take it easy but there's just no way I can, because I'd rather get the views on there. I'd really like to have some sort of base going, I mean, I do have quite a bit of stuff on there anyway, but I just don't seem to be getting the views I want, I know I should promote it, but I have no money and the job I do have only pays for travel expenses and I use that money to buy essential stuff I do use! Oh and get this, if I want to buy something online, I have to ask my mother first! There's just nothing I can really do! I have to just rely on the fact that someone in my circle will actually see them and promote it for me...but I know that's not going to happen, because who would want to see a blog/website made by a busybody like me?
Not to mention I have several YouTube channels that I'm going to be linked with (because one's for my website, and the other is a a joint venture), so I'm going to have to promote them...is it just too much to ask for people to look! I don't have much in terms of social skills, but when it comes to being online and getting my opinions out there, I feel a lot safer. However, just like in real life, I'm still being ignored! Maybe I'm thinking too much about this...yes I am thinking too much about this, but the truth is I really just want some recognition! No one really listens to me (except the one person who actually does), the people I try to help, don't even notice that I am doing my best to help them, and I just feel like a hermit because people don't understand that I too need some love! I mean, yes, I get love from my family (immediate family, that is), but from anywhere else? Nope! I mean even here, no one really comments, nor on my website (which I have linked to on this blog), I've no real support on this platform, and it's been what, four, five years? Since I started this blog? I'm just getting so tired of being lonely!
Do you know why I started this blog? I started because a few of my friends had introduced me to blogger, I thought, it's a good way to get opinions out there, so why not try it. Initially it was just meant to be for things like...I don't know...pictures I tried to make on Photoshop (which didn't quite work out), then I tried to make stories, but because I gave up on them, I didn't finish. Now I only use it to simply shout and rant, and pretty much let out the frustration and anger I feel, not just at others, but at myself too. I mean I pretty much just bad-mouth myself here day in and day out, because I don't have confidence in myself. I don't have that reassurance that everything is ok.
And although I have my faith to fall back on, I just feel like it's an excuse, just to say to God, do whatever you want with me, I'm done. I mean, yes I'm trying to do His work, to carry out his mission, but I just feel like no one is really listening. It's like this...I do something, I find it difficult and I get through it, with His help. When I get out at the other end, I look back just to see if anything really happened. I mean, I've built the path, but no one seems to want to take it and join me on the other side, and I look to him and ask, but I just find myself alone, and wondering if I should go back down that path just to ask him, but I keep hearing him telling me to go forward.
Ugh...ok so while I was writing that, I realised, I just gave myself the answer, and that was an example of that anecdote, and once I publish this post, I'm going to keep refreshing my stats page just to see if anyone actually reads this stuff, and I know I'll be getting loads of views, but no one will really comment. I know that. So whatever.
This is Feather Charm, signing off.
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