Update Time - Emotional Outpouring

I think these updates will be coming daily, if not weekly, since I've already moved onto another chapter, and I'll get this done before I even know it. Anyway, the truth is I might take a break for a while this week. The emotions I feel when writing are becoming more cumbersome than helping.

In a previous rant, I basically poured out my deepest secret: I am still without a relationship, that is to say, I've never dated a guy, I'v never even kissed one let alone been in a relationship with one. And writing this story is just bringing all those insecurities back.

True I did say I would wait for "Mr Right" and yes everyone around me keeps saying I'm still young and that "Mr Right" is only around the corner somewhere, but I just don't feel it. While I may waiting, I am getting impatient. Yes I'm Catholic and I pride myself for staying that way and remaining with my faith, but just seeing my cousins and friends in relationships and being constantly surrounded by them, I just get a sad, and I start to wallow in my self-pity and self-loathing, because I have never been like them and I don't understand at all what they're going through. And when they break up with each other, and I try to comfort them, I can't because I've never known such heartache...Well yes I have, but that was because I was a kid and had a crush on one of the boys in my class and he rejected me, but as I said, we were kids, so we didn't know any better.

Anyway, what has this to do with my story, pretty much everything. The name I came up with for the main male character is actually the name I've given to my fantasy, because if I gave a real name, I may just use it to think of the celebrity with that same name. The next thing is that I've now paired him up with the girl character, and that makes things even harder for me, because, in my head that would be cheating, and yes I may occasionally put myself in her shoes, but that's only to think of the next part of the story, I don't literally put them in because I am her, although I wish I was.

Another reason why I'm getting so glum, is because my story is basically a romance novel. Yes it's a little graphic, thanks to the many fan-fictions I've read, but the truth is even my imagination has a lover, and still my physical self has none. I really feel like life is unfair, because of it. I just feel so devoid of any real connection with anyone, because I live in my dreams. So perhaps I might take a break this week, just because I just can't handle the occasional self-loathing that comes with this novel. Not only that I just feel like, every time I open this laptop and start writing, I want to throw it against a wall and smash it to bits, but it's a new macbook pro and I won't because I'd get killed by my parents if I did. Plus I can't leave this story undone, like so many. I promised everyone I'd finish it.

So perhaps I'll just take a day off one of these days, just so that I can gather the pieces of my broken heart and try to fix it with three year old super glue and broken bits of tape, not to mention gum. Yes this post is a little deep, but that's exactly how I feel.

You know over the last few weeks I've had a saying stuck in my head: "Those with the brightest smile are the saddest" I'm not quite sure that quite fits the bill, but looking at my emotional state, I think it does. While I've not had the worst childhood, or had the worst situation, emotionally yes, I have, because I've been lonely for the past decade or so of my conscious life. I've noticed so many people drifting farther away from me because they've found the one they want to be with, while I'm still stuck in that gaping hole with no way out. So yes I probably do need a break and I will resume it as soon as I can.

For now, I'm sorry you've all had to put up with my sorry excuse for a post, it's just I haven't been writing in my journal lately, because there aren't enough pages to write these emotions down, and to be honest, typing is faster.

As always please do with this post what you will, and may God Bless. May he make your days brighter than mine, and show you whatever path you are to take.

Update Time - Work Experience Is Over

Yes as in the title, my work experience is finally over! Not that it wasn't fun, it was just exhausting, I hope I don't work in an office. I prefer the flexible hours...nine to five just doesn't cut it for me. Anyway, now I can work on my story. So far I've done six chapters and am working on the seventh.

Ok so here's the low down on my work experience. The first week was spent getting to know the place, which was not that hard, since it was just a two floor office. My duties were basically house chores, and I pretty much cleaned whatever needed cleaning. However I did get to do a script report, which wasn't all that bad. Towards the end of the week I got to work in distribution, and I pretty much did the dirty work there. Like I said before, I called up cinema chains to ask about a particular trailer, and well spent most of my time in their office.

During the second week, I was mainly in the distribution office, researching and contacting agencies about certain celebrities, who would attend the premier of the film that the previous week was about. They were closing a film, so they needed all the publicity they could get. However in the last two days I had to return to the production office, because the other runner was away doing some other errand. On Thursday, I was given the most torturous errand I ever encountered. I had to buy breakfast for twenty odd people, because they were shooting a film the next day, and no one had anticipated the many things I had to buy. I didn't have a car, and I don't know how to drive, so I had to ask my supervisor for help carrying the shopping back to the office, which pretty much destroyed my hands, as the bags were digging into my fingers. You don't know how much pain I was in, and by the time I got home, I was so exhausted I couldn't even stand straight for a second.

Friday was worse. I had to run all the way to central London to deliver some packages, and I didn't get back to the office until around 2pm. I didn't want to spend too much money on travel so instead of using the bus, I walked all over the place, and only used my Oyster Card on the Tube when I had to. It was exhausting, and my feet were throbbing by the time I came back. I couldn't even stand when I got home.

But now that that's all over, and I am free, I can say that although it was exhausting, it was exciting and fun, despite the fact that I was in an office and all I really did was house chores, but listening to the people work there, I learned a lot about the film industry, and I have never wanted to work in the industry more. I loved it, and hope that one day in the near future I can do something similar, after I finish my degree.

Now on to more immediate problems, the novel, or the blog novel...whatever you lot call it. Like I said, I've written six/seven chapters, so it should be up soon. I hope to do thirty chapters, so it will take up the better part of my holidays. Hopefully I can bring my Macbook with me on holiday so I can continue working on it, but who knows. In any case, for those of you who are dying for previews (because I know there must be some people who are interested in it) I'll show a little extract from chapter 1. For now please be content, I'm working as fast as I can on it, but I still need to refine it, so please be patient.

As always, do with this post what you will and God Bless. ^^

Chapter 1

In the early morning sunlight the birds of the green forests could be heard chirping, and singing songs of their dreams, telling each other what wonders they’d seen. Little creatures bounce around tree trunks chasing each other, playing like little children. Pixies and fairies could be seen darting in and out of leaves and flowers waking each other up to greet the morning. Everything was peaceful; everything had melodies and harmonies that flowed in perfect synchronisation. Until the sound of heavy breathing could be heard, and the rush of running feet followed closed behind. Yes everything was peaceful and beautiful, but not for Kaylin. No, Kaylin was running, running for her life, for it literally depended on her, she needed to make it clear of the forest before she can truly relax. Since midnight, she’d been running. She knew that if she stopped it would be one less second she’d make it out; she didn’t want to go back.

Every now and then Kaylin would turn dark emerald eyes over her shoulder, to check whether or not she was in immediate danger, but seeing no approaching figure, she was still in the clear. No she did not want to go back to the city, she wanted to get away as far as possible. As soon as she made it out of the city she’d turn west, back to the Pass of Renia, in the mountains, to find her mother, and hope she was still alive and well, hoping she would welcome her with open arms.

Kaylin loved the mountains, especially living at their base. Every time she looked up at them, they reminded her of stairs leading to the heavens. She learned long ago about the Lathanor People, who used to visit Denÿce and bestow their grace and blessings all its people, but after a time the people of Denÿce grew distant, and the only people who truly believed in them were the people Irenia and The Crystal Forest of Dreams.

So whenever her mother had to harvest she’d take Kaylin with her, up the mountains, to find small flowers and plants, which she used to make potions from, or use in decorations for the villagers that lived nearby. As her mother worked, Kaylin would play, and climb further up the mountain, of course she’d want to climb to the top, but she knew her mother would worry. When her mother would call her back, she’d come running down the mountain, to meet her at the base, so that they could walk home together.

One day, when Kaylin was old enough to run up the mountains by herself, she’d gone up one particular mountain that, when you reached the top, you could see The Crystal Forest of Dreams, and when dusk was approaching she set off down the mountain, back to her mother’s cottage. However before she reached the base, a band of men had found her and dragged her off as a slave before she could reach the cottage.

After that she was sold to Lorien Thandor, who was known in all Irenia as the cruellest man to any female servant he had, and she shivered every time he looked at her. His eyes would fill with the most disgusting spark of lust, and hatred. He both hated her and wanted, and she hoped that his hate would always win over, because she didn’t want to know what would happen if his lust took over.

Many times he would come close, but she’d always remind him of his hate, before he could do anything. She’d learned to handle his hate, and made sure that he’d always have a reason to hate her, because that way, she’d be safe. She didn’t want to lose the one thing that was uniquely her. She didn’t want to be like all the other slaves who gave up when he’d find a reason to torture them. During her first years, she quickly learned how to keep herself safe, while he was doing things to her.

Project Update

Ok so here is the update. So I've been hard at work with this story, and well, lets just say I've made quite the progress. I'm already on Chapter 5, so hopefully before the summer is through, the story will be up and running. However to tell the truth, I'd probably be further along if I didn't have work experience.

Yes I've been "running" for a company this past week, and next week is my last week there, so my work experience lasts two weeks. I haven't had the time to work on my story so I'm sorry if it's taking too long. During this experience I've had to call cinema chains to make sure a trailer is being shown, and this next week, I might have to call up agents of celebrities to ask about an after party or if their client will be coming to the premier of a certain movie. I won't say which film or what celebrity, I'm still not sure I will be calling them anyway.

The truth is, my first week is the "student" week, because the runner before me knew what to do, this time, she won't be there, because her time and mine are staggered, so she won't be there. This coming week I'll be with someone new, and I'll have to give them a rundown of the job description.

So I'll probably have very little time to work on my story this coming week. Again forgive me, the less time spent on this story, the more you'll all be agitated, so yes sorry.

Anyway, back to the the story. I have yet to decide on chapter titles. I may not give them any, but if I have any comment that you want them, then I'll add them. Oh and I almost forgot, the story is not just one. It's actually going to be a trilogy, so watch out for other blogs, that will be connected to "The Last of the Dreamers".

And so now here we go, as always do with this post what you will. God bless ^^

One More Thing

Another update on my activities. I've finally finished all my assignments for university, so now I have four whole months to do pretty much whatever. So far it's been a weekend, and I've managed to keep myself busy, I've been writing a novel. Yes I'm trying that again, despite the fact I've already taken down "The Shadow's Descent".

However unlike "The Shadow's Descent" I'm not posting chapters in updates. Instead I'm going to write out the whole story, until it's end, because if I don't the inspiration will leave me and like all the stories that I've tried to do before, I won't finish it. So it will be a while before I'll upload the new blog, and upload the story, which will be in chapters, because I'm cruel that way.

Don't worry, each chapter will be refined and edited, to make it as special as possible, and hopefully it won't be so full of cheese and fluff as some of the stories I've done in the past - I've been reading fan fiction, and those who know the website, know what I'm talking about - and hopefully it will be readable. Although I'm not sure how long the novel will be, the chapters will be quite long, because I'm writing it in Word Document, and since the novel's inception on Friday night, I'm still at chapter 2, so yes it's going to be quite long, and I may perhaps split it into two.

I've already worked out the summary and details, all that's left is for me to write it, and the details of such will be on this blog instead of the story blogs, and I will post links to it, on each of them, i.e. there will be a link to the blog on the different pages of this blog, and the link of this blog will be on the different pages of the other blogs. So hopefully, if I don't screw this up, there will be a novel or a series for this new story.

Don't forget, I will also be posting up reviews of any film I've watch, but I believe those will be few and far between as right now I may not be able to visit the cinema in a while...no money and well...no time really...

But for now I will tease you with the prologue of this new story, and it's title...I'll work on the cover image, but for now, please bear with this little snippet:

The Last of the Dreamers

Prologue

Three violet figures stood sentinel in a small purple-grassed clearing. They were waiting, watching as the tall, white and silver figure stepped up a small pedestal, with a podium attached. On the podium was a large bronze bowl, filled to the brim with silver liquid, so clear and still, it reflected the moonlight that shone through the entwining branches of the silver crystal trees that surrounded them. The figure stood in front of the bowl bent low, looking intently at the silver liquid, her midnight blue hair the only thing visible, which flowed past her hood.

“My lady, can it be true?” A musical voice asked. One of the violet-robed figures stepped forward, lowering her hood to reveal a woman, with sky blue hair, eyes bright as amethysts, and skin as pale as snow, “Are we really dying?”

The figure standing at the bowl sighed, and straightened, she turned towards the woman, “Unfortunately Skeesa, it is. The Crystal Forest of Dreams is dying.” She said ominously. There was a collective gasps from the three figures.

“Surely there is a way to save the forest, Lady Ilya.” One of the other two figures asked, this voice was male.  As he spoke he lowered his hood, to reveal the lithe figure of a man, whose long hair was silver as the moon, and eyes as blue as the ocean.

The last figure also lowered its hood, revealing long dark lavender hair, and diamond coloured eyes, her voice was as smooth as the liquid in the bowl, “It cannot end this way my lady. Is there anything we can do?”

Lady Ilya sighed again, and lowered her hood, revealing the soft waves of her midnight blue hair, and dark indigo eyes that seemed to pierce the soul, “No Mael, there is nothing we can do. All we can do is wait.” She turned towards the middle figure, “Avarox, saddle my horse, as soon as you can, I ride for Irenia before dawn.”

The one called Skeesa frowned, “My lady, so early, why?”

Ilya turned towards Skeesa, “There is much to do. A line has been crossed, and only one path remains open now, only time will tell whether or not the forest can be saved, but time is of the essence. If I don’t leave now, perhaps this path will close too. Nevertheless, I must ride to Irenia, it is vital I intercede now.” She stepped down from the pedestal and walked over towards the remaining two figures, as Avarox had left to ready his lady’s horse.

Mael cautiously asked, “How long will you be gone my lady?”

Ilya turned towards her, “It is uncertain Mael. However I hope to return before the end of the month, my presence may be needed. If I do not return, summon the Kayn. The creatures of this forest must be protected; we do not want the curse that is Davaron to take them too.”

The two women bowed to Ilya, marking her departure, and spoke as one, “Yes my lady. It will be as you say.”

Without another word Ilya left the clearing, after Avarox. Not looking back. Ilya stepped lightly but determinedly towards the future, hoping beyond hope that she wasn’t too late.

ENJOY!!! ^^

Something To Think About

I haven't done a rant in a while, well...because I have a diary now to do that, and I like I said before, I wanted to reserve this blog for film reviews, but that's also few and far between. So right now this is a little post just to fill the time.

First I've given up on the script I said I was working on, it's too long and my ideas just trail off without actually ending. So I decided to not finish it, so I could focus on my actual university work, which is slowly coming to an end.

Second, it seems my Labyrinth obsession hasn't, isn't and probably won't actually be a phase, unlike Phantom of the Opera and Wicked...well...at least I have something to do.

Finally my time at university is going well, but nothing has really happened in the relationship department. for one it's because none of my male friends are the type I'd go for...no offence to them, but I just don't see myself being in any sort of relationship with any of them, except being a friend.

Anyway, that's it for now, as always, do with this post what you will. God bless and see you soon. ^^