Cancelled Plans and Disappointment

Ok so you know how when you planned something and the people who you planned it with decided to cancel because of an upset? Yeah this has happened to me today.

Yesterday my sister became ill, and I had hoped that she would be better by now, so we could watch a movie with our cousins, but she's still ill. And we had planned to watch this particular movie for the past week. Cue angry conversation.

I had hoped that we could still go without my sister, because she's seen it twice already, and she actually didn't really want to watch it again, and actually complained to me under her breath that she didn't want to watch it again. Of course while conversing on WhatsApp and telling them that they could go either on their own or with just me, they mistake her leave of absence for politeness, when we kept telling them that it wasn't.

And while trying to encourage them to go without her, or us, the pent up rage, anger, hurt, and disappointment start making itself known, and playing with my words...so in the end I start getting mad at them and saying, something along the lines of "FINE WE WON'T GO! AND BECAUSE YOU GUYS THINK IT'S GOING TO STILL BE OUT NEXT WEEK YOU CAN GO BUT I WON'T BE THERE! AND IF IT'S NOT OUT THEN DON'T BLAME ME FOR MISSING IT!"

I pretty much told them this, and exited the conversation, I actually thought that if I kept being in the group it would become hazardous to my emotional health, and that isn't even looking good right now, even now as I'm writing this blog, and doing homework, I'm talking to one of them, about what's been building up this emotional fart, because I just can't get over it anymore...

Here's why. For the past two years, my patience has been tested and I don't think I can handle all of the rejection! First off, August two years ago. After completing a week in Lourdes helping out at the grotto and feeling closer to God and going to WYD (World Youth Day) in Spain, which was also a way to get in touch and closer to God, I got my results for the previous year for my AS Levels, they weren't good, so I had to repeat a year. September started, and I was still in Year 12, because I didn't pass and I could see all my friends in the year above me getting along just fine, or that's what I thought. Christmas and New Year passed and it's February again. Around this time, I also had to film, for my AS media coursework, and had to put up with one of my actors dropping out and having to replace him with someone else. Oh that doesn't end there...The new actor...who will not be named, because of again emotional reasons...started complaining, because we had to film in the cold, wet winter...Newsflash buddy...I HAD TO!!! IT WASN'T BY CHOICE THAT I HAD TO FILM IN THE POURING RAIN AND THE COLD! MY MEDIA COURSEWORK WAS DUE BEFORE THE EASTER HOLIDAY! In March, after filming, I got my exam results (because I had an ICT exam in January, 10 hours of hell - spread out of course) and I got a failing grade, and I was tempted to redo it again, but thought better of it. At least I knew that if I got a good grade in my ICT coursework, I could get a C over all in my A Level (I managed to continue ICT into A2 - what a relief).

Now skip along to Summer 2012, I went to the US, namely Washington DC, New York and Chicago...I didn't really think it was a touring trip, I had expected something more relaxing, because I had been very active during the year, and I had wanted to go swimming since I actually find that relaxing, possibly near the beach, but if a pool was present, I wouldn't complain, but nope...nowhere near a beach, and not packing a swimming costume should have been my first guess that we weren't going to swim. Instead we took tour buses, walked around beautiful monuments, which did inspire some creative juices for my other blog. But that was about it. There was no spa treatment, no lie ins, nothing. Instead all we got were some souvenirs, new clothes (because that was all we could do, shop for new clothes) and some memories of these places we'd been to...WE DIDN'T EVEN GO TO THE WHITE HOUSE! (well not properly).

Despite that the only good thing about the Summer was my exam results after the trip, I had nearly expected to get failing grades again, but Boom Bam Baby! C's all around, meaning that I had just barely passed to go to A2! That was probably the good thing that happened for the past two years (prom notwithstanding, although it was a great party and it was for the year I used to be in, I didn't feel very happy at the time, I would have liked it if I had one of the people from my friendship groups attending with me - they were in the year above my old year, so they had their own prom).

Now comes September, I was fully immersed in my studies for the whole term. Except a little mishap happened, and I am now no longer proper friends with one of my sister's friends (you see I took a liking to her friends, and became an honorary member of their friendship group). I will never forget the way she mocked me...IN FRONT OF ME!!!!! All I did was just be myself expecting to be taken seriously, and I knew that I would be funny unconsciously. BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE MOCKED!!!!!! Seriously, this one "friend" honestly shouldn't be a friend. There's loads of issues with this one girl that I can describe but I won't because It would probably take up the entirety of this blog! So now, I'm no longer talking to this person, and will not in the near or distant future!

Then Christmas and New Year came around...which were not even celebrated the way that normal families celebrate...together...My dad had to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so we didn't do much things together, and we barely made it to Christmas Eve Mass! I really didn't enjoy it, even though I tried to, I didn't feel the Christmas spirit! New Years was slightly better, but I still felt dejected because of Christmas.

My birthday came, and my mum and I watched the Hobbit in 3D IMAX at the BFI. It was good don't get me wrong, it's what got me into writing riddles, but that's not the point, we ate at Harvesters (a restaurant/pub) just my dad, my mum, my sister and I. I was half expecting to have a big family get together, like we do every year...but as you can guess, that didn't happen. Nope, not a damn thing was done to celebrate my birthday with my whole family.

After this small disappointment, I now had to film with my cousins (the very ones that I had just argued with about going to the move...oh we're getting there) and a few friends, for my A2 Media coursework, which I am working on at the moment. Oh everything went smoothly, and we were getting on just fine, then a small hiccup happened. If you read my blog before, this is where "Anti-Social Time! Bad I Know" came in, I'm not even going to start with it.

Ok so we finished filming and we were going  to pretty much go our separate ways, when I suggested watching a movie with my cousins, as well as my sister (who I wasn't sure was going to come) - by the way, this isn't the incident that started this post off, no this is the one before it. So I invited them, and we were sure to carry out this plan...then one of our cousins fell ill. I got that, it wasn't her fault so I suggested we drop the plans, besides we were going away for the half term (which was last week). This was just a disappointment, which I knew wasn't going to be picked up, and I half expected to watch it in the cinema anyway. So I resigned its fate to be on TV or on the computer.

Then the half term came...we went to Wales. Not a bad place, very hilly and scenic. It was nice, to get out, don't get me wrong. The holiday was nice...I just expected to relax though, and have Wi-Fi...I got none of it...nope, and the pool that was promised to be fixed and heated...not even that...When we got into it on like the second day, we expected it to be warmer that the outside temperature, which was about 4-8...but felt like -2 degrees (centigrade/Celsius)...I COULDN'T EVEN SWIM! We inquired at reception, and found out that it wasn't really fixed yet, the temperature had to warm up...WE WERE TOLD IT WAS FIXED!!!!! So we didn't get to have a relaxing swim, in a heated pool, instead we got freezing to death in an ice cube! But at least later in the week my mum had promised to allow me to get a spa treatment...Nope...not even that...When it came to Thursday, which we decided would be a lazy day, my mum declared that we wouldn't even get that spa treatment, because the employees didn't look as vibrant as their spa declared that we would feel like! That's just great! No pool, no spa, no Wi-Fi! Oh don't even get me started! We were promised Wi-Fi to be available, only to find out when we got there, that the Wi-Fi was available IN THE RECEPTION AREA!!!! NOT EVEN IN THE RESORT LODGES! When you promise Wi-Fi, IT MUST BE IN THE LODGES TOO! Oh and the Thursday we expected to have as a lazy day...we went out. And that's pretty much what we'd done throughout the whole week! We didn't even get a rest day! To say the least it was mildly enjoyable, but I had hoped for better.

Now we come to the event that started this long and winded rant...the movie. I was told about this night out, about a week ago, and had expected to actually go...then my sister came down with the cold. I don't blame her. I was concerned for her. But she insisted I go with my cousins to go to the movie, what do they decide? NOT TO GO AT ALL!!!!!!! If one of us wasn't going, none of us were, even though she had ALREADY SEEN IT TWICE!!!!! This is where they mistake her rejection for politeness. And where this whole thing takes off. I had told them that I was willing to go, but they kept telling me this one little snip of a pharse "If you couldn't go to watch one of your favorite movies again, wouldn't you be disappointed?" or "I know I would be disappointed to not watch the movie again." I KEPT TELLING THEM THAT SHE DIDN'T CARE!!! SHE HAD TOLD ME HERSELF!!!!!!!  But nope, they still mistake it for politeness. BUT I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO PUT THIS NIGHT OFF!!!!!!! I had been looking forward to watching it, with them, and watching it again, because I knew once wasn't enough, but then when they said "we'll watch it next week" I had a bad feeling it wouldn't be on, because it came out early January, and it's already March! So now I had to opt out, because they wouldn't get the hint, that they could watch it on their own, and without us! THEY DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING WITH US TO HAVE A GREAT TIME!!!!!!! And so I deleted the group conversation, and stopped talking to them in that way, and although I have one of them as my contacts in my WhatsApp conversations list, I will not be talking to them for a while, because after this event, I just can't do it anymore. After a long time to myself, and writing this, I have opted to reject they're incoming offers to going out, for now, because I know they mean well, but I just can't be on the receiving end of rejections anymore. I've had to deal with it too much already, and I don't think my heart or my emotional well-being can take it anymore. So yeah I've started crying now...because all this has just taken its toll...so excuse me while I wallow in self-pity...