I Don't Know What To Do

Well, my hiatus is over, and so I should be able to go back to my review blog and my story (because obviously I've already started playing League of Legends), but for some reason, I can't bring myself to do anything. Granted I've been logging onto my account for League of Legends, but that's about all I do. I don't play a single game unless a friend plays with me now...and as for my review blog, Doctor Who won't be coming back until Christmas, and well, I have one more assignment to hand in next week, before I can actually say I can return to my story, but truth be told, I'm dreading having to go back to it.

I'm not sad it's ending, in fact I'm happy that I can finish a story that is actually mine, but what I'm dreading is the happiness at the end. Of course every romance story has to have a happy ending, whether the boy gets the girl, or they have a sense of self-actualisation there is always a happy ending, and when I think that, I look back at my own life, and I find myself...not in the mood for happy endings.

I know I could always have a sad ending, but this story is mainly aimed for women, and you know how we like a good ending (never a cliffhanger - we always want the ending - God knows why, but we do). So I have to give it an ending, and most preferably a happy one, but every time I think about it, I just feel so depleted. Every time my mind goes to my story, shy away, because I haven't had my happy ending, and I don't think I ever will...

Lately I've been re-reading Labyrinth fan-fictions, and that feeling I get after a story is done, the king gets his queen, and everyone lives happily after, just makes me yearn for that happy ending. I long for that king to rescue me. I long for my own Goblin King, and yes, I know people will say philosophical things, but I don't care. You may think I'm longing for that "bad boy" type, but the truth is, the fact that in these fan-fictions, he still goes after her and she loves him back, is the one thing that I want; the one thing that I feel like I deserve.

I'm not saying I do, and I know it's impossible, but the fact that someone could love you, with all your flaws, is the one thing I truly desire. Many of you will probably say "if you want it go out and get it, love won't find you sitting at home and pining away," but that's just it! I have gone out, I have tried.

I've tried to flirt, I've tried to play the coy and shy one, but nothing works! I'm not extroverted, I'm not happy standing there with stranger and "chatting them up" it just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, and the instant I step out I wish I was home, curled up with my iPad or a good book.

It makes me despair that I am so introverted that I can't even see the light of hope anymore, and as I type this, the most quintessential quote I can think of, from the same movie that has inspired my longing for love, is, "It's not fair!" Yes, you've guessed it, Labyrinth. So long, I've looked at life, knowing it's not fair, but for once, I will say it. It's not fair.

It's not fair that I am sitting here, writing all this out. It's not fair that I have this demon. It's not fair that I keep painting myself as the victim, when really it's just me being dramatic. It's not fair that I always seem to cry about this time and again. It's not fair that everywhere I go I seem to be mocked by couples, by strangers who can speak out to people and by friends who seem to have friendships that could span the ages. It's not fair!

Right now I'm listening to Shatter Me (yes, I know it's been...like...a year...since I've last mentioned this song but screw it! I love it, and it speaks to me) and it makes me want to shatter that glass that surrounds me! If you've seen the music video, you can understand what I'm talking about. I want that someone to make me feel alive, I want to stop living in this half state, where I think I'm living, when really I'm just lost, and lonely and not even living.

I know many of you may feel the same way. I know there are people out there, who feel just like me. So I ask you, WHERE ARE YOU! If you do feel the same way I do, why can't I feel you're presence. You +1 my posts, but I never really know if you're simply +1-ing it because it's a new post, or if you actually agree with it. No one even comments, so I keep thinking that no one really reads this post. It's frustrating and every now and then I am so tempted to delete this blog, because what's the point! What's the point of having this blog, when I don't even know if anyone does read it.

You all probably think I'm pathetic, or insane. Perhaps I am, but that doesn't make anything better. As I said before, I am a rose, surrounded by thorns, because I can't break out. The darkness surround me and I feel like I'm going to suffocate because I don't even have the courage to find the light. I'm slowly dying from the poison that tips every thorn and I have no idea how to cure myself of it! I truly, sincerely, and deeply ask for help!

Riddle 5 - What is it We Fear?

So you know the routine now,
Here's the riddle for last week:

We do not exactly know what it is,

We say it is, but not what is thought,

It is different for another when it is true for one,

They are never the same, yet it is one,

It cannot be described, nor shown,

No matter how others try.

It cannot be true, as it can be altered,

It cannot lie, as it tells the truth.

Did you get it?

The answer was:

Reality

So the reason for this one? Well I was listening to the soundtrack for Inception one day, and it just came to me. I then contemplated what "Reality" was. For every person it is different: it can be good, it can be bad, but it's still just perception. Reality for everyone is a perception, that we cannot avoid. It is a truth, since it tells the truth, but we see it in different ways. So what is your reality?

Ok! Next riddle!

It is a salvation, and a damnation,

It is what we fear, but not cannot avoid.

It is a darkness and a light,

But it will never go away.

It creates grief and life,

We cannot escape it, 

Yet we can choose how to face it,

Some face it with heads held high,

Some don't want to at all.

What do you think?

Again answers can be posted as a comment so please...COMMENT!!!! 

That is all!

By the way, this picture has no reference to the answer, I put it up, because it reflects the thought of life, how magnificent and mysterious it is, we don't really think at all, and just take it for granted. AGAIN THE PICTURE IS NOT MINE!!! I just used it for inspiration, click on the picture to see who actually made it.

Riddle 4 - What is Being?

Well you ready for the answer to last week's riddle?

First here's last week's riddle:

The root of all sin, it creates not life but death,

Our only solution is to have none,

But even if we declare it, it is still there,

Present in the darkness of our hearts,

Even the purest,

It is our greatest defeat.

Did you get it?
The answer was:

Pride!

Reason? Well I thought of it during the week, while contemplating (peripherally) on a book I had read, it's not the root of all evil, since it's one of the Seven Deadly Sins, and I don't really think it's key, but in the book I read it was kind of what the author was implying, but it is a cause for sin, and I thought, well what is the root of all evil? I thought about how Satan had betrayed God, how he used to be the Morning Star. It was because of his selfishness, that he turned away from being a steward of Humankind, and instead became our greatest threat. So I came to the conclusion that selfishness is the root of all sin, (as is money, such as declared by Jesus) but in all essence, it is because we want what we want, and not what we need that selfishness takes its root. Even if we say we aren't, we are. Just because we give money away, or spend time with the poor, we only spend a limited amount, we don't actually give thought to what we do. So some philosophy there but hey... you never know.

So you ready for this week's one?

Here we go:

We do not exactly know what it is,

We say it is, but not what is thought,

It is different for another when it is true for one,

They are never the same, yet it is one,

It cannot be described, nor shown,

No matter how others try.

It cannot be true, as it can be altered,

It cannot lie, as it tells the truth.

What do you think?

Again answers can be posted as a comment so please...COMMENT!!!! 

That is all!

By the way, this picture has no reference to the answer, I put it up, because it reflects the thought of life, how magnificent and mysterious it is, we don't really think at all, and just take it for granted. AGAIN THE PICTURE IS NOT MINE!!! I just used it for inspiration, click on the picture to see who actually made it.

Riddle 2 - What Am I?

So last Wednesday I posted up a riddle, that went something like this:


It has no future or history,
It is always a mystery,
However hard we look,
It is something others have took,
It's not wanted when found,
But is needed all around.

What am I?

The answer was:

Love!

(This is not mine by the way!)

The reason behind this riddle, was because I figured that everyone needed a little love, and a riddle like this one will always find its answer in the deepest recesses of someone's heart, so if you know anyone who really needs this love, share it with them. ^^

So are you ready for the next one?

Here it is:

What has an eye, but cannot see,
It is a danger to you and me,
What is created, but does not create,
It is what we fear when it wakes,
What causes death, at the peak of life,
It has no fear, it has no strife.

Again I will be waiting for answers that are posted, so please...COMMENT THE ANSWER THAT YOU THINK IT IS!!!!

That is all!

By the way, this picture has no reference to the answer, I put it up, because it just snowed today!! I wish it settled!!! AGAIN THE PICTURE IS NOT MINE!!! I just used it for inspiration!