Crazy Times And Needs For Free Time

Well, let's start with saying hi guys! It's been real crazy for me for the past few weeks, months...basically since September! I've had to do a presentation, go on several shoots for university projects, write a full 50 pages for a screenplay and then there's my part time work (which I still need to finish training for). It's been really hectic!

So basically I've not had the time for myself anymore! To say the least I actually miss last year. I had more time to myself and I could actually take my time to do my work. Now I have to make sure I have everything done in the time frame I'd set for myself! Well at least I don't need to worry about shooting for my own project, that was done last week. Honestly I am so glad I don't have to worry about my shoot anymore, it's such a relief! I mean, for the weeks leading up to my shoot I was so hell-bent to making sure everything was ready and organised and I am so grateful that my cousin was standing by! If she weren't there I don't know what I would have done.

You see, I've had to work with one particular student who doesn't have the initiative to be active on set. Now the reason I say this is because he's a transfer student and he hasn't actually worked in film proper before. So it's understandable he doesn't know. However, I noticed something that has worsened my opinion of him even more. Over the course of the semester, I've tried to make sure he has everything he needs for his own project, just so he can have something noteworthy, but every time I tried to confront him about it, he'd brush me off. Don't worry, I've let my personal tutor know, and it's not just me who thinks he's (for lack of a better word) a "slacker". Not to mention, the way he speaks to me and some of my peers is rather undermining, and does peeve me off. I mean, my peers and I have done this film course for the past two years, and he'd only just transferred because he thought it would be a good idea (he did a multimedia course before this one). Basically, this is what happened:

It was the night before his film shoot for his project, and I'd asked if he needed any documents printed off, and he simply asked for actors release forms. After that I asked if he needed any other documents printed off. Now at this point, I should tell you, we didn't need to hand in any documents for the assignment, but in any job or any project you do need to have the paperwork, just in case! So when he told me he had nothing since we didn't need to hand in any paperwork, I told him it was up to him, but that it would have been very handy, in terms of organisation. After that he told me to print off what I could, what I thought he needed, and I was rather confused. I had expected for him to have it all filled out, for himself, but he expected me to fill out his documents for him and because it wasn't my shoot, it wasn't MY responsibility. I told him so and hoped he'd actually have some way of making up the documents himself, but he didn't have his laptop with him, since he had to stay over at his location over night to secure it. (Now as an aspiring filmmaker, and one that has had some experience in filmmaking this made me roll my eyes - YOU NEVER LEAVE ANYWHERE, ESPECIALLY FOR A SHOOT WITHOUT YOUR LAPTOP! It just does not happen!) So he had no documents at all and I was trying to convince him to find a way to make them happen, but his reply, his backhanded and oh-so-not-classy reply was "just get some sleep"! EXCUSE ME! ARE YOU MY MOTHER! DO YOU HAVE ANY AUTHORITY TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I don't think so! If someone tells you, you were unprepared for your shoot then DON'T BLAME ME (I was his PA - Production Assistant). I warned you, I tried to tell you! IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF SOMEONE CALLS YOU OUT!

Anyway, on the day of his shoot, we arrived, with all the equipment in tow. Ok, so here's the deal, his crew and I were meant to meet at the university to pick up the equipment and travel together to the location. When I got to the uni, I discovered that he'd been there earlier, to pick up the actors, and it wasn't too far off from when I had to come in and pick up the equipment. His DoP (another female and pretty much my first mate in all this) tried to convince him to wait and stay to help with the equipment, since he was going to take a ride, but he shrugged her off and left! If I were him, I would have stayed, put the equipment in the boot and go to the location with everyone! Or if not, just take the equipment and the crew could travel light! But no, he left without any thought for his crew and we had to drag the equipment onto the train!

Now comes the shoot itself! When we got there, he was already filming, he had a camera for himself and when we set up the second camera, his DoP was made in charge of that camera. I didn't think this was fair on her. She just had to stand there, with the camera while he did everything else! I wanted to slap some sense into him. THE DIRECTOR NEVER TOUCHES THE CAMERA! It just does not happen! It's why they have a Director of Photography! He should have trusted her to do her job, but does he listen? NOPE! Instead, he takes his camera and does every shot that his DoP should have been responsible for. PLUS HE ASKED HIS ACTOR TO HOLD THE CAMERA IN HIS STEAD! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF HE'D USED A TRIPOD IN HIS CASE! 

Not only that, when our sound guy asked if there was any sound check he needed to do, he would tell him it was fine...I don't know about you, but I do know this...SOUND IS IMPORTANT FOR FILMS! If the sound is bad, then the production itself will suffer, because it means that the director nor the crew put any thought into making the actors sound good. It doesn't matter if they look good. If they don't sound good at all then what's the point in having a movie? Yeah ok, silent films, blah, blah, blah...but if the movie is not designed for silent film, then yes sound is very important.

Here comes my point. I was his PA as I said before, and his script supervisor (I make sure there is some continuity), I did my best to make sure everything is according to the script, but when I saw a few potentials for better shots or for certain movements, and suggested them to him, he did not take one single suggestion. He'd brush me off like I was a fly and I felt very much like it. I couldn't stand it. I really just wanted to up and leave. I didn't care if it looked bad, I really should have left halfway through, because there was no way I was going to take anymore of it. However, here comes my OCD. I always finish what I start. Plus it was bad manners. So there was no help for it. I stuck with it until the very end and well, I just hope he got what he wanted, although my guess is it'll be rather amateurish. Oh well it wasn't my problem.

Anyway, that's just one story, there's loads more, and I don't think I want to make such a long post just because of the grievances I have with one student. The truth of the matter is, I was going to write something or other about me not having free time, but I guess that'll wait until Christmas and this semester is over. I'm rather tired so I'll just say, thanks for putting up with this complaint. I'll see you all next time!

As always, do with this post what you will, and God Bless! (And if I don't see you soon Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!)

The Green Residence - A Sims 2 House Build

Hi guys, just testing out a new feature! Didn't think it would work...basically, it's been a while since I advertised my other website. So this is the newest addition to my YouTube channel, and will be for a while yet, since uni has taken over. But this house was a real treat to make...although it destroyed my computer...Anyway, if you want to know more, then check out my website:

Feather's Charm



I'm actually quite proud of this house, it's been a while since I did such a complicated house...but you'll learn all about that when you decide to actually read over why I made this house...you can find the link here:

The Green Residence

Well, that's it for now. See you next time when I'm on a rave again. As always, do with this post what you will! This is FeatherCharm, signing out! God Bless!

Phantom Therapists and Fanciful Daydreams

Hello everyone!

It's been a while, namely because I'm working on my story, I've been editing and re-editing it, it's almost unrecognisable. Anyway, the point of this post is my personal therapy. No I'm not seeing a therapist (although I really should) but I somehow I found something really revealing about myself.

Alright so here goes my revelation. First I started talking about why I love Labyrinth, and the truth is, I really don't know why. I mean the acting was bad (granted Connolly was only a child - STILL LOVE YOU JEN!) and the puppetry was really creepy, not to mention there really was no point in the whole song and dance numbers they randomly put into the film, but there was something about it that I really love. That something was the romance, the meanings and the silent puzzles you had to piece together to see the picture. For example, the constant reminder that "things are not always what they seem" is a profound message, one that applies to all aspects of life, like the fact that when I smile, it's to cover my sadness. I really am sad, for reasons unbeknownst to me I am sad.

And here we go on that tangent. Recently, my parents have been going through our old home videos, because they're converting it to digital files, since the film reels themselves are getting old and worn, so we've been watching them. Anyway, as I was watching myself, I realised although I was happy and oblivious, so many bad things were going on around me, not just around me but to me, and I was not aware of it at the time. Of course, I'm not going to tell you the details of each and every one, nor am I going to tell you what they were, but after thinking things through I've realised, my sadness is due to all of that. It's why I'm pretty much a hermit now. 

Another tangent, let's go! I mean, if I think about it, I never go out without a reason, and I always use mom and dad as an excuse to stay home, I'd rather sit here with my laptop and write whatever comes to mind because no one really responds to me. In fact, no one responds to any of my posts, so I'm not really afraid of putting down what I think (except for that one time, but I won't say any more about that). In reality the Internet is my saviour. I can write down everything that's bothering me, and then show it to the people I want to show them to. I mean, it's easier than trying to articulate it out loud. I have time to think about it, I have time to not be irrational (sometimes I can be and I'm willing to admit that, but in general I am rational), and I don't mess up the words I want to say.

It's like Meg says in Hercules "It's better to be alone than to get hurt" and it's true! That quote is literally my motto. I can't stress enough how much that quote applies to me. I'd rather be alone than be judged. When I was looking through those home videos, I found one recurring aspect of me that I really hated, that was my hyperactivity and the fact that my voice was so shrill. I can't do anything about my voice, but I am doing something about that hyperactivity. It's the reason why I get embarrassed easily! I've been embarrassed many times that I literally feel the pain when I or other people get embarrassed. Literally! Even the slightest inclination of embarrassment physically hurts me. Take Friends for example, there are many points in every episode, where I have to run screaming from the room because I can't handle the embarrassment. It's like watching horror films, I have to shut my eyes and block my ears from it! It's unbearable! I am literally afraid of being embarrassed because I know what it feels like to be judged, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THESE EXPERIENCES!

The only time I feel like I'm not being judged is when I'm with my friends (my true friends - the ones that actually make me feel safe to be me, the ones that actually make me feel like I'm not being judged). Although we don't always have everything in common, it's always interesting to hear their stories and share some of my own. When I'm with them I feel like I don't have to keep putting up a front! However, I can't hang out with them as much as I like, because they've all got other things going on, and we don't have ready access to one another, and that's where my loneliness comes in, and my introversion and the fact that I'd rather stay at home.

Basically, all I really want is someone to talk to. Not someone to listen to. You don't know how many times I've felt like a fish out of water because I don't know what to say to the people I'm with. I'm usually the listener, and I never get a word out, because if I do, I know I'll kill the mood, and I don't want that to happen. So I have to keep all this (yes this whole post) bottled up inside. I quite literally have no one to say all this to, and the only way the people I know can understand all this, is through here...THE INTERNET! I mean, there's no normal conversation I can have with them that gets me to open up like this! Most of the time when they do come up, I don't say the words I want to say, so in the end I'm left still bursting at the seams! It's frustrating and heartbreaking, because I can't say it! It's the hardest thing I have to do! In the end I can only hope they read this because it's is my feelings, the ones no one listens to because they'd rather stay away from it. In fact, I end up staying away from it because I don't want to burden them with it, and it's heartbreaking for me because they won't listen.

So yes, this is my message to those of you who actually know me and are reading this thing. I know it's long but I've had these feelings for years, and that's just the simplified version of it! There are so many things in my heart that makes me want to cry, but like every strong person, I grin and bear it, because there's no other way for me to cope. So the next time you see me, or the next time you talk to me, please don't make me feel like I'm being judged, otherwise, you won't get to see the real me, because yes, I've been fronting for all of my conscious life, and I can see no way of ever taking off that mask, unless I feel safe, because frankly, I don't feel safe, at all. Although I seem like an open book, I'm quite closed, and I just need that hand to help me open.

Sorry it's a long one, but hey like I said, this is my therapy, and it's an equivalent to what...thirty minutes? so yeah...

That's it, this is Feather signing out! I'll see you all again soon. God bless!

Revival of Updates Abducted Whatnots

Hello everyone! (Oh god! Feather's invaded!) Anyway, so, I've found a new purpose for this blog. Yes there may be some traffic from Feather's website, but this blog will basically be the little diary I started it out to be. I think that would be best, that way, I won't have to overload Feather with all this negativity, because right now, I do feel a little bit negative.

Anyway...so there's been a lot of development since I moved to Feather's Charm. First, there's just so many things to modify on that website, this blog is really simple and I prefer it to that one! It's so simple! Second, I've started so many projects that I literally have no time for myself, but I guess that's a good thing, because if I did have a lot of time to myself, I'd probably get depressed and angry at myself for not doing anything with my life. Seriously that happens.

So what happened with this website? Well, don't get me wrong, it's just a lot of stuff goes on there, that I'm starting to go insane! So many things to add, to change, to remove, it's crazy! I'd love to just stick with this blog, but I kinda want that structure WordPress has (no offence Blogger) it's just so easy to use, plus I discover more every week, when I work for the Codpast! It's awesome! So, I'm sorry but I'll be sticking with that website.

As for the projects stuff, well...for those of you who've stuck with me all these years I'm grateful, but if you're just getting here now, be grateful you didn't have to go through the phases I went through to get to this point. Ok, so, a little background. Last year, I found myself getting depressed so much so I couldn't stop crying for nearly three days. I was so bummed out that I didn't have a boyfriend and everyone else around me did, and that's why I'm working hard to keep myself busy. I don't ever want to feel like that ever again, so I've pushed it to the back of my mind, and I'm doing everything I can to  ignore it. Although, I know many of you will think that it's not a good thing. But that's the thing. If I don't ignore it, I'll be the crybaby I don't ever want to be...ok, let me ask you this, would you rather a friend who is strong and keeps on with life, or someone who constantly relies on you for comfort? I'd rather be strong!

So what projects have I got? Well there's the website (which is great, but also a nightmare). I've got several YouTube channels lined up for myself, but I might quit a few of them, because of reasons (which I will not discuss here)...OH! I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT MY STORY!!!! Yes that is still going on, and no I will not be sharing it on Feather's Charm. I think, I'll stick with my roots, and stick it up here! You know, it all started here, it will end here...well, I won't say end, but...you guys know. You all know me! Anyway...Yes I'm still working on that novel, but it's taking longer than usual because of what I've got lined up for my life basically. Oh and I've actually started a scrapbook! Yes a scrapbook...just because!

I haven't quite finished decorating it yet, but I will...I like how the map is behind the book...because it is a scrapbook of all the stuff I got when I was out of the country. I started it when I went to Prague, because I thought, since my sister isn't using her scrapbook, I might as well set an example (although she does have time to draw...which she could do in her one if she wanted)...but I highly doubt she'll follow it, so oh well. It's my personal project. I don't care!

So, that's it. I'll see you lot later!

Exhausting Weeks and Potential Opportunities

Hello Everyone,

New format for this blog! yes, I'll start off with a "Hello Everyone" and basically make this a letter. So what's this post about? Well, I can tell you It's been an exhausting one, because I've taken up my old exercise habits. Not only that, I've had to wake up at 7am (which is quite early for me), nearly everyday. This is because my work had to reschedule my usual day, for this week to Tuesday (it's usually on a Friday).

So yes I'm actually exhausted from waking early and exercising, so I've not had much progress on my book. Although I can say I'm currently on Chapter 7 and I've found a new reviewer:

Please welcome our new Host: Chloe!

However, I'm going to have to wait until next Monday to be able to read her comments and ideas on developments. Remember? I've given up Facebook for this week? So...I was saying, I'm currently working on Chapter 7 for the third draft, and I've pretty much changed the course of the story, and I'm actually proof reading before I continue. (Thank you Ate! - a filipino endearment)

Ok, so the next part of the title "Potential Opportunities", I'm not going to say much, until I actually know if it's not just an idea. Basically I got a call today about a potential job opportunity, which can fill for my work experience module, and not just rely on Extraordinaire Digital Media (my current work experience). So I had a shoot last Friday, organised by my cousin's friend, and I gave my contact details to her employer, to be able to contact me if any opportunities arise, and it paid of! I didn't think it would be this early! I had suspected it would have taken a month or so to remember I even gave it to him. But I'm not complaining! I'm so happy, I really can't contain my excitement (as you can tell by the amount of exclamation marks in this paragraph)

Anyway, so that's it...for now. My mind is going blank, and it took quite an effort to write this, because I am that tired.

Now I leave you with another quote, this time from the world's most famous playwright, Shakespeare:

"I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open their hands. Let thy blood and spirit embrace them." - Twelfth Night

As always do with this post what you will. God Bless. ^^

Yes this is my new signature - It still needs work, but until I get the courage to use the slow computer and Photoshop, it's going to have to stay.