Restful Revision and Work

Well hello everyone. I've actually survived work! Yesterday was my first day. As promised I went at the usual 9:30 AM, and finished around 5:00 PM. When I started I didn't know what to expect, but having experienced it, I think I'll be at this company for a while. It's rather interesting and I am quite intrigued by the work we do. I can't say much yet, because I'm still starting out, but I am working on promoting awareness for Dyslexia.

I don't quite know much about it yet, but hopefully, over the next few weeks I'll be able to learn a lot more. The work I was tasked with, was editing things such as webpages, newsletters, icons and a little bit of video editing, although what I do is mainly organise the media into their respective folders, but it's a good start!

For the most part I was quite bored, because there wasn't much to do, just admin stuff, but hopefully soon we'll get more things going. So that's all I have to on that. Right now, I'm going to be working on my university assignments. Although...one assignment is more of a group thing and I need to film for it. The other one...I need to approve with my lecturer the topic of my essay and the last...I need approval for the subject of the script...so mainly what I'm doing today is background reading and such.

I've already started. Just now I have finished watching the documentary Nanook Of The North. It is such a cute documentary I have to say. Watching an entire family try to live out the cold in the Arctic is such a brave thing, and I was so moved by it. Don't worry, I'll write a proper review later, but if you haven't seen it, and you are into documentary, it is one for you. It is one of the oldest documentaries in the history of film, and I do suggest it, because it is a really good example of how documentaries began.

Anyway that's all I'll be saying for now, and I hope you take my advice. God bless. ^^

The Day Before

Ok so tomorrow we're jetting off to Cancun, so that means that today we clean up the house. Do any of you experience that? My dad, insists we clean the house before we leave. Granted it does dust up when we arrive, but that doesn't matter, as long as the house is clean. Actually I do see the sense in that, but dusting the house?...

Anyway, you will probably hear from me next week, but in case you don't please feel free to read whatever is on this blog. Things will be changing after the next week, so yeah...now's the time to panic over looking for the last review or your favourite review because after next week I'm going to make a separate blog for them.

As for now. I'm currently doing my nails (in a nude colour) because I don't want my nails to look all scruffy and...well...just plain boring, so right now it's hard for me to type...a little. So it's probably taken me longer to write this than usual. Other than that, yeah a short one.

I'll see you guys soon. ^^

Update Time - A Chapter A Day

Well, I've finished the first third of my story to say the least. I'm already on chapter 12 and it is coming along quite nicely. Although I'm still iffy about one thing or other, maybe when I get my reviews I'll be able to clear up some of the mess I've made. When I do eventually post up this story, I hope it does make sense, because the people I've sent the story to kind of have the same mindset as me, so they'll understand, but as for the public...I'm not so sure, so please, when I do post this story up, comment any review that you feel necessary, and I promise I'll edit appropriately.

You know what? I think this story is doing more good than harm. Yes more GOOD than HARM. I think it's because it's actually helping me come to terms with my demons (yes you all know what those are...if you've been reading my posts). Looking back, I was really depressed on Saturday because I saw my cousins with their partners, and I didn't have one. I was so down that I could even function socially, and I demanded my cousin's company, just to vent out my frustrations. However just after we had arranged the details of our outing, I took to my laptop and began writing furiously, as sudden inspiration hit me, I wrote for nearly three chapters straight. When that streak finally ended, I found myself in a bizarre sense of serenity, like the melancholy of the past year just floated away. Granted that happened every time I did feel the sudden dip in mood, but not quite as fulfilling as that one. I actually came to terms with it, and although I know it will be back, and I am still not happy, it doesn't mean I'm completely depressed. Instead I just feel like I don't care anymore, and that whatever everyone else has told me will come true (maybe not any time soon, but one day).

It's also helped me in other ways. You see, I think the reason I've not ever had a boyfriend, or even my first kiss was because I was still holding out for my first crush, which actually ended like three years after I no longer saw him every day, and I found there were much "bigger" and better fish out in the sea. However a small part of me still wanted to see what it would be like if I saw him again, that is, before I started this story. As I wrote the last few chapters that I had been working on last week, I realised, that I would probably never see him again, and most likely not, even in the slightest, ever want to be with him. I've seen bits and pieces of his life, don't get me wrong, I've looked him up on Facebook once or twice, just to see if he had changed or not, and suffice to say I no longer have any feelings towards him. I'd take a look at his picture and say "Really? I fancied that?" and I am relieved, to say the least.

So in the last few days I have, with the help of some oldies music and some venting through song, continued to write my feelings into the story, and now I have let go. I am free, and no longer burdened by the crushing defeat I had when I was but seven years old (that was when I had indirectly confessed my crush and was rejected). I can honestly say I have moved on, and now all I can do and will do is wait for that one person who will honestly make me feel like I am special, like I have a purpose and that I do make him happy.

Anyway that's it for now, this was more of a confession than an update, because well there was really nothing I had going in terms of the update, so this confession would have to suffice. So as always: do with this post what you will and God Bless. ^^

Another Day, Another Rant

Have you ever been compared to another person by your parents? Most probably you have...I certainly have, countless of times, by my parents, TO MY SISTER! Who might I add is younger than me. You see, we both have different personalities, and with these personalities, do different things...SO WHY DO THEY KEEP COMPARING ME WITH HER JUST BECAUSE SHE DOES THINGS DIFFERENTLY FROM ME!

We both have different ways in which we study, she likes to study non-stop, while I like to do the same, sporadically, which may well be a very bad way, to study, but it works. I don't burn out, unlike her, where she will eventually exhaust herself, and worry to no end about her exams. I on the other hand, will be less worried, because of the fact that I know what I'm doing. Honestly, my parents do not understand this. They want me to be my sister, in that respect. Well, I can't be!

This fact is known everywhere, you cannot be your sibling, you cannot be someone else! That is because there is no one like you! Isn't it said that God made us unique, God made us his children, and loves us the way we are...WHY CAN'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT I'M THE WAY I AM AND I'M HAPPY! Why do the constantly bombard me with the ever present "Why can't you be more like her?" or "They are doing this because they studied hard." - the last quote implying that I should be like that person. Hasn't it ever occurred to them that maybe I didn't work like that person, or my mind works differently from them!

This constant comparison, completely contrasts their beliefs...we are Catholic...

I think it's just human nature, to want better, but this "better-ness" is not through materialistic things, or success in that way! It's through the love and knowledge of God, we have our own potential that only we can unlock, but only given the chance to. NOT THROUGH COMPARISON! For example, I have been given ample opportunities to further my skills in music, and or other subjects, and I have taken them, improving my knowledge, and in effect improving me. BUT THEY DON'T SEE THAT!!!!!

Sometimes I wish they wouldn't do this to me! It's always frustrating when someone compares you. This I have learned leads to making you compare yourself to others...trust me, my mentality has changed because of this constant comparison. They tell me to stop comparing myself to others, but this is because THEY COMPARE ME!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH HOW I AM!

You know what...I'm just going to carry on like this if I continue writing, and I know this constant ranting will get me nowhere, so I'll just do my homework now, and try to forget it with some music.

So like always, do with this rant what you will...

Uplifting Thought for the Day

After another rant I thought it best to have an uplifting thought for the day...

"Don't let others dictate who you are, that is only their perception. You are treated to be their equal, no one is bigger than you, rather they are afraid of you, as much as you are of them. So don't let the judgement of others  Be who you are, let your actions speak for you."

-Me

Have a good day...^^

Another Day At School

Just popping in to say hi. I am currently in my school's library, and have finished my homework, due in this afternoon...it was just the last question in a question pack that my teacher gave me and an activity sheet that accompanied the topic we're learning about...and yes I know I should have done it before today, so I can study more today...but seriously...this is a similar layout to friday, albeit that I only have three hours, instead of five...but still, you don't expect me to continuously study.

Anyway, since I have finished what was necessary, I can now go onto correcting a certain "personal statement" that I need to finish, before the end of term, so I can send off my "UCAS Application"...I feel very drained in this process. Seriously, why can't my personal statement be ok for the universities to like!!! I mean, I did the best I can, and I don't know how to improve!!! BECAUSE I AM OVER THE CHARACTER LIMIT!!!!!! UCAS tells us, 4000 characters (WITH SPACES) is enough to write a personal statement...IT IS NOT!!!!! Not when you have had loads of experiences, and need to get it all down, including WHAT you learned, DID you enjoy it, WHY did you you enjoy it, and WHAT you would like to do in the future, because of it. SERIOUSLY I'd be over the limit by like 1 000 000 words, if I could add every detail of my experiences...which is quite contradictory in terms of what the teachers (I've been going up to) say...They say include details of the experiences you had...but don't overdo the limit...HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT!!! IT WILL TAKE A FULL DISSERTATION TO TALK ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES!!!!!!

You know what...I will just forget about it, hopefully what I've just recently sent, is good enough for them...hopefully...not gonna happen...anyway...

So, today I have biology, and I think we'll be learning about the transfer of energy through ecosystems...I've read ahead...yay me *pats back*...urgh...do I want to know about energy levels...this is why I dropped PHYSICS, and failed it in my first try of AS Levels...It just DIDN'T WORK FOR ME!!!! WHAT DO THEY EXPECT ME TO UNDERSTAND!!!!! I give up...Not only is this school eccentric in terms of their teaching staff, but their syllabi as well! I mean it's all good and well, if they're trying to get people in who can teach, and understand the students. Fair enough, the teaching staff do know me, and they are friendly, but when it comes to actually teaching a large group...forget about it...they don't even control the group...as I previously went on about with my last rant...

So now, I'm just hoping to get some revision notes done, so that I don't have to worry about my coming exams...NO PROBLEM!!! As well as get to the final part of my personal statement, which won't happen, with all the criticism I'm getting so far! No pressure at all...

Oh and my contacts are giving me hell...seriously, stop rubbing!!! I've had experiences with you that I really was bothered by, I don't want to upset my balance today, so stop hurting!!!! ><

A Full Day of Studying...

Studying the same subject for five hours, FIVE HOURS, will probably make you go insane. And yes this is what has happened to me...well figuratively...You see, my school - turned college - has enforced this new rule, that ALL Sixth Formers (If you don't know what that is, it's a term we use in England, to describe those who are taking a certain type of exam, namely A Levels, which may or may not be due for a change, if the government decide to return to O Levels) must come into school everyday, during their free periods, and remain in a room where you will be supervised to study. That means that the time I could be sleeping in bed, catching my necessary 7/8 hours of sleep, I must spend wasting away in a room full of noisy, if not LOUD, students, who I don't know. And to top it off, I had a whole day, which I could have dedicated to myself, and relax a bit, spent up in this same room, for FIVE WHOLE HOURS. That day was today, and every Friday since the beginning of the academic year, which was in September.

Now I know I may be exaggerating a bit, and yes I will only have a few more weeks to go, since this rule ends after the Half Term, but I've learned with this experience that these "study sessions" will get me nowhere, since I still will have the urge to procrastinate, and not do any studying whatsoever, during this time. I know what you're thinking, "but you just said that you spent five hours studying today, surely you haven't gone insane?" Well yes, and no. You see, during the day we have two breaks: one is a 20 minute in the morning, to "give the students a break" and the other is the Lunch break, whereby students only have 40 minutes for lunch. 

Talking about these breaks, fair enough we have a "break" but that is just a poor excuse for students to do their homework, and chat, but do they really have enough time to chat! Most of their chatting is done DURING THE LESSON! I know because of my experiences during "lower" school, half the class is talking throughout the whole lesson, and most of the time it's NOT EVEN ABOUT THE TOPIC OF THE LESSON! Usually it's something along the lines of "Oh my god! I have nothing to wear tomorrow, you know since George is takin' me out!" or other, and when the teacher calls out to them and asks, "What are you talking about?" the same students reply, "Uh, she was just aksing me (yes AKSING not ASKING) what we're meant to be doin'" and usually this is ended with, a "well if you don't know then ask, but don't start talking again." and the teacher goes back to teaching, and the students go back to talking. Is it just me or is something wrong here? Is this situation, the same all over the world, because in my opinion, there is a lack of communication. Where once students relied on the teacher, and wasn't afraid to answer or ask a question, now this situation is completely extinct. 

Next is "Lunch break" where students have a longer time to talk, and socialize as well as eat. This break, in my school is only 40 minutes.

Yes 40 short minutes. Isn't it scientifically proven, before doing some sort of activity, the food must digest for one full hour? Of course this is referred to the physical activity, but still, there should be a longer time. I can vouch for this reason because my school does what's known as a "Consortium", whereby students from other schools come to my school to study a subject that they chose to learn here, and vice-versa, and all those unlucky students who have had a lesson, need to travel from their school to ours, and well, it isn't a very short journey. For them the lunch is about 20 minutes long. That isn't enough to buy food, eat it, and then wait for England's public transport to arrive and take them to the lesson. Not to mention, that they have to sign in before arriving to the lesson, making them about 30 to 45 minutes late to the lesson. Something really is wrong here.

Now back to the original situation at hand, the unnecessary trek to school for a whole free day to study. While the principle of this is very simple and straightforward, I'm afraid the workings of it is much complex. You see, there are some of us that may prefer those conditions, and if that works for them, then they can do this whole system for the rest of the year. However there are some of us who wish to study in the comfort of our own homes, and in a more comfortable environment. Imagine having to sit down on a plastic chair at a desk, which isn't big enough to hold all the necessary books and equipment you may need to study, and having to sit there for two hours max, have a break then another hour, then lunch, and then another two hours before you can go home. Now you see how this can make you go mad, or exhausted, if you've had to wake up at 6am, to get to school at 8.40am. Yes I have to get up two and a half hours early because of the fact that I live at least half an hour away from my school by car - by bus it's probably 1 hour or an hour and a half. 

Anyway, this scheme just wouldn't work. Although the idea is simple and should work, it is naive and screams "PARANOIA" (due to the rapid fall in grades over the past years). If they want to be known as a better institute, they shouldn't complain that the students are the ones at fault, because we do the work, and we do revise when it comes down to it, but they should get BETTER TEACHING STAFF, or change the curriculum for the subjects they are teaching, because frankly, they aren't the best: they are too hard, and whilst these syllabuses may be good for some high-achieving schools, it isn't good for this one. It may be a high-achieving school, but the students that arrive on their doorstep for an education, aren't cut out for this type of learning.

Therefore I leave you with this rant, to interpret it what you will. In the meantime I will return to studying the subject that I was studying today, since my exam is in January, and frankly I feel very behind, and unprepared, so I leave you with this question..."How many legs does an octopus have?" (John Lloyd and John Mitchinson - QI: The discreetly plumper second book of general ignorance)